Really struggling with the energies...

[LilliHart]

HIya all!
ROFL! Because I spend the better part of my day bitching and moaning about all sorts of discomforts, aches, pains physically and mentally, emotionall, etc. I am miserable so much of the time I can't stand my own stink and ascension symtoms run rampant with me on many days.

But I also know that there is only so long I can do this and I am incredibly grateful to have this board to come to and for all of you to share with and discover about these things. I also do my best to remind myself about the simple fact that this is MY universe and everything in it is MY creation and perception...including how I react to the new energies.

It's not that I am in any better a place than anyone else here and in many cases maybe worse. Some days I can't even walk and I never sleep anymore except in spurts. I ache all over and have a stuffed nose and hemming in my throat 24/7. My vision is blurred and I am riddled with self doubt about my own progress, my body, my weight, my growing older and less able to do things.

I question my decisions all the time, wonder if this crazy energy will ever end, pray for the mother ship to take me back home and for the little green men to be kind when they sneak up on me from behind.

There are days when I am interminably lonesome for 'real' friends...complete with skin on them here and now in my present and unbelievably sad when yet another person I thought was a freind in my inner circle disappoints my ideal and disappears from my universe.

I yearn almost constantly for something else, something better, a different way of doing things, seeing and perceiving things and experiencing things in my life that are worthwhile and meaninful and uplifting.

And when I can't stand myself anymore, when I have hit bottom and can't get a grip, have no one to guide me and no where to turn, I do some of the things I suggested and they help me to feel better and more in control and command of my creation.

Sometimes everyone needs a kick in the butt and who likes that? Not me for sure. I don't like being reminded of my choices that have sunk me into the pits. And I sure as hell don't like being reminded that I can pull myself out when I am feeling like junk on a stick. Some days warm fuzzies only piss me off and being coddled makes me want to scream. I am sure it's the same here with everyone. Certain times call for certain measures, all changing.

For years and years I have heard self made gurus tell everyone to pull themselves up, take responsibility, etc but no one every told us how to do this. So now there are things surfacing that are workable, easy methods for us to use to succeed. when I find them I do my best to share the with the people that I care about.

I only used the little meditation yesterday. Here's my experience. If you're bored click away, but if not then read on.

I had a shipment of items that I was expecting to be brought to me from the states. these things are pieces that sustain my livilihood and allow me to have some kind of an income.They had to be brought in across a boarder and the customs people here are pretty stiff. I had thousands of dollars of merchandise that I chose to ship to a friend of a friend in FL that I had never met. Then my friend was to pick these things up when she passed through FL and bring them to me.

This was a fairly safe choice because I know my girlfriend was trustworthy. But only two weeks ago the Post Office delievered a package to my assistant in the states who had to put in a claim because it was run over by a truck and all the merchandise in it was damaged. so I was nervous.

I got myself into an incredible mental mess over this with worry and fear and concern that something might happen at customs and my goods might be confiscated. i had justifiable fear because this happened once before with over $10K worth of goods. And I still haven't gotten that back.

I was a basket case yesterday over this whole matter. Finally after I made myself throw up from anxiety I remembered this little ditty of a visualization that I shared with you. I did it and asked myself how I would feel if I felt confident that my merchandise had arrived safely and I had heard from my friend that all was fine.

I saw the entire thing in my mind the way I wanted it to be and it was really, really hard to dispell my f ears and doubts, but when I got to that place I let myself feel the feelings of success and receiving my stuff.

Within about one minute of finishing this the phone rang. It was my friend who had just arrived and gone through customs and told me all was well and she would be back home here near me in about 1 hour with all my stuff safe and sound. Because of the new energies, my vision manifested itself immediately. I was stunned and happy and shocked all at once.

I almost burst into tears, partly from joy but more from frustration with myself for having twisted myself into a mess before and not remembering to do this earlier. But I was also thrilled that the exercise worked and helped me to feel better long enough to make the shift.

That is all I am trying to share with you.

If you want to bitch and moan that's fine. I am here along with everyone else and I think it's a great place to vent and share those feelings. I sure have done it myself plenty. But if you want out and are tired of bitching then maybe try it. And you can always go back to b&m-ing.

And Destra I agree with you and I also see another side to it all. On one hand we can come here to share and feel acceptance and love ,but also it's a good thing to get some ideas on how to re-learn to live in these times of turmoil and change. Many of the things we have done in the past don't work anymore in these new energies, so it's time to re-invent the wheel in a higher vibrational frequency.

And I have to say in all honesty, that if I didn't have compassion and love for you all I wouldn't bother coming here. I say this in compassion and from love. There are tons and tons of discussion groups and boards and I only come here. I don't want to go elsewhere and waste my time and energy in places that don't resonnate. It takes a lot of time and effort sometimes to respond to people when I can't even see and I do it from my heart...as do we all I am quite sure. I'm not beating my own drum, just stating my truth.

If I have a harder and less resiliant approach it is because of my nature not my lack of nurture. In the Mayan calendar, I am the MIRROR which is hard, reflective and there are no shadow forms. Mirrors reflect endlessly and into infinity. They are cold, shiny and hard on the surface but as we all know very fragile. Even a broken mirror continues on with it's task and reflects whatever comes into it's path.

And another side to my nature in Feng Shui and Chinese medicine is that I am the water trigram, which flows, finds it's own level and is also reflective in more than one way.

So my style definitely reflects my nature (no pun intended :-) ) as does everyones.

I re-reading the responses to my post I get from those of you who responded that my input is not necessarily well received. I have had this experience on the board in the past and I have left this board as a result. I returned last fall as an experiment for myself. Leaving again is not something I want to do...but, I will say this:

Every group has many personalities and a vibration. If there are enough people here for instance that don't want to hear from someone with a different opinion, perhaps a different style of delivery and different levels of experience and awareness then so be it. Any group can go on it's way with the members reinforcing one another and get caught in the unending spriral of infinity that allows for them to bounce back and forth off one another and maybe or maybe not there will be new awareness.

This is not to say in any way that I am a guru who is all knowing and I would abhor that anyone put me in that postion. But I have a different persepetive often and have even mentioned that there are many times my opinion is the unpopular one.

I would be sad if I knew that I was not welcome here with my opinions but I would be fine and can go anywhere and be fine. I am speaking from a very deep and personal inner note because your responses were very personal. I no longer choose to ignore my feelings or anyone else's sweeping them under the covers.

If I hurt anyone with my thoughts or ideas or my approach I aplogize. My own path is one I have chosen and if I stay on it alone I am happy with that. If I have others with me I am happy with that too.

Love to you all.
Liliahnah

[destra]

You are a very well spoken woman, and I don't think you hurt anyone with your post, I think maybe it just needed to be clarified, which you've just done wonderfully!!!

For years and years I have heard self made gurus tell everyone to pull themselves up, take responsibility, etc but no one every told us how to do this.

First off, it sounds as though you're a bit wary of those who proclaim to have higher knowledge; but then again you sound like one of those guru's yourself sweetie. We ALL are the guru, the teacher, the one who can contact higher energy and access lessons to share.

In answer to how to take that responsibility, the only advice I could ever give is to be in the NOW. I am currently reading Eckhard Tolle's "The Power Of Now". I greatly recommend this book to you, and everyone else! Being responsible for all you think and feel, all you do, relies upon you being centered in the NOW, objectively, realisitically, knowing that "then" is done and over, and "tomorrow" is just a thought. NOW is all that matters. By being in the moment, instead of letting then or tomorrow torment you with worry and stress and guilt, you allow yourself to release everything that has happened up to NOW, and to stop trying to control everything which is merely a thought and not even concrete reality yet.

I hope this makes sense - Living in the NOW for me is a real tool, a real gift, a reminder. When I feel myself getting sucked into old cycles I try now to remind myself of NOW, focus on where I am, whom I'm with, what i'm doing NOW, and release any attachment to anything other than what is current!

Liliahnah, thank you for clarifying yourself, for speaking so eloquently from your heart, and for being an honest and authentic Lightworker. Mirror or not, you are a beautiful expression of One-ness. And I value you!

Much Love,
Destra

[Cherubtree]

We all love you Lili. and support you...:-)
Love,
Spirit

[Sowelu]

((((Hey Liliahnah!))))

I meant no offense or judgment of your post, I was in need of "answering the moment" with the truth of how I felt. Likely all of us go through those times when it doesn't matter what the heck you try, you hit a wall, and it plain old sucks. That's where I was when I encountered your post, and I just... was not interested in attempting more work to change my state after everything I'd just been through that brought me to that state! You know?

And I am still working through a greater understanding on the idea of manipulating energy or changing what I feel in a given moment as WHAT IS, to something else I might prefer. I know it's how this realm got into a lot of the mess it's in, basically.

In the past, the mind determined to define the moment by false ideas, fear-based wants and twisted ideas of what's right or appropriate. It decided the emotional body's input was not what it wanted, so it hated it and sought defense against it, repressed it, denied it, ignored it, and/or redirected it. I'm keenly aware that this is not what I'm here to do, and I'm unclear when or if it becomes time to do something more along the lines of what you shared.

Knowing all of the above as well as I do... it's a tough leap to being a Creator at this level under a veil. Knowing how much I still don't know and can't see... it's tough to trust that I'm not doing the whole "wishful thinking" or opting for illusion over reality when working with energies from a partially blinded state. And so thus far, I steer clear of manipulation, coercion, control, etc. Likely too far in the other direction, perhaps.

I'm not saying it's right or wrong, I personally just don't feel right doing something of that nature... yet. (??) I assume the dilemma exists for me with purpose, and I continue to contemplate it and work with it as I deal with what life presents to me.

But I certainly appreciate input of the sort you posted in both it's intent and sovereign flavor. And if my response caused you grief, my sincere apologies. ((((Hugs!))))

Love you!
Sowelu

[Sowelu]

As I walked away from the computer I realized that this may be a useful exercise to write about my process regarding these ideas, so I thought I'd add a bit more of what comes to me about it.

When I'm in my heart, it's clear that I am. I feel connected to all, in cooperation with life from a strong foundation of love. When I'm in that state, I feel no need to alter anything according to my personal wants. It's as though my personal wants are served and I can feel and see that, from the flow. I'm excited to be a part of what I feel naturally flowing toward the highest good, that serves both others and myself without opposition. A greater intelligence and "infinite organizing power" is at work, and I'm a part of it, not standing out as director or supplicant.

But when I'm in resistance, pain, struggle... these are the times when I wish things were different, certainly! But these are also precisely the times when I am not well-connected to life, not in cooperation but rather competition, and at times like that I am least able to discern the best course of action or the "highest good". To intend to manipulate energies to my preferences at a time like that feels "off". It feels to be a time when I am most likely to create what I don't actually intend. Because my focus (intent) is literally "torn".

What I mean there is that when we are in our hearts, we are in a unified state. We have ONE voice, all of our bodies are in accord, all of our energies are in unimpeded flow. But when we are not in our hearts (feeling the pain of our resistance, a key indicator that we are not in the heart), we can be sure that we have at least two "energies of opposition" regarding the moment, sometimes more, "tearing us away" from our heart.

In a moment of pain (in which we could either moan about it or do something about it) we already have something unknown within our energies creating resistance, which is why we're feeling that pain and are not happy about it. That pain is us being nudged to realize that we are in opposition to the moment. This energy causing resistance, being unknown, is what's "unconscious" or "subconscious". So it's "in the dark", literally.

Then we also have wishful thoughts (how things should or could be for us in that moment), which stand in direct opposition to what we're actually experiencing. They are an illusion we want to choose over our reality. And of course there may well be a fear underlying all of this, regarding why things aren't the way we believe they should or could be.

These are our very own energetic forces at work in that moment, none of which are "centered". And all of which are in rejection of the NOW we are experiencing. So in a sense, we are in our "anti-self" or "anti-truth" state as far as our consciousness (power) goes.

From that state, it seems foolhardy at best, to me, to attempt to use our power to deliberately manipulate energy. What was unconscious in us, acting as resistance to the NOW and produced our pain, did not come to light but still remains unconscious... and acts as the fuel behind our chosen "positive" intention!

So rather than do that - which mankind has been doing for a very long time, imo, and we see the results everywhere all the time - the thing that feels best to me in those moments is to LISTEN to the resistance. Give it a voice. Allow it to speak uncensored and not controlled by our mind in any way. And from that, learn something about that moment that we were trying to avoid.

By doing this, we learn something valuable we did not consciously understand before. We literally take something that was living in our hidden dark places within and bring it to the light of our consciousness. It was serving us by causing pain so we'd pay attention to it and finally listen to it, and once we do... it no longer generates pain for us. It's been heard. It's been honored. It's been fulfilled. It no longer holds us apart from the flow, because we no longer hold it outside our awareness.

So what we learn - the new knowledge we just acquired - aids us in being at peace when/where we resisted before, resulting in us lessening our pain not just in that one moment but across the board, in this particular way, permanently.

In other words, that moment is precisely the time not to manipulate, but to STOP trying to have an influence, and let ourselves BE influenced. With our awareness turned "on" and our senses "open".

This is what I have learned so far on this journey about that moment of aggravation where we can either complain or do something. Mankind has almost always determined to do something because it is not a pleasant place to be. But in all these eons, all that doing has not produced the actual desired result. The pain will return for us to respond to yet again, because we did not actually eliminate it, we avoided it... temporarily. Worse, even... the "doing" we've done in those key moments in the past has often created a whole lot that's undesired, that we will also have to face in some future moment.

And in truth, turning inward and listening, allowing the dark energy of resistance to the NOW to finally come up to the light in its truth, is a "doing something". Though granted it's not nearly as fun as instantly transforming our pain into something else more pleasant. But will that "more fun" option last? Or is it a temporary measure that might actually grow the resistance at sublevels where we can't see - like mold in moist, dark places - wreaking more havoc at a later time?

With all that said, I also feel an urge to learn something new here. I just don't know what it is. Perhaps it's along the lines of what you've shared. I honestly don't know, and I mean to make that clear.

Thanks for the opportunity to express all of this, Liliahnah! ((((Bless you!))))

Love you!
Sowelu

[liza]

Beautiful, everyone!

[LilliHart]

Ahhhh, this is SOOOO HUGE a dilemma and an opportunity that I am actually going to take time off from making money and doing what I am ‘supposed’ to do to respond. LOL

I am going to refer to this as Sowelu’s dilemma but it really is the world’s dilemma and we here are playing out the possibilities for the world. We are here to solve this and understand it so we can teach others these skills…but first we all must learn them and understand them so we don’t teach something that is warped and distended from the misunderstanding in the old energy. This is NEW ENERGY stuff.

So even though I am going to respond to Sowey’s post, because she verbalizes the dilemma so clearly, my response is really to all of you who choose to read. Please don’t think I am picking on you Sowey, because I am not. I’m just using your well verbalized post as a jumping off point to present some principles that I have known as truth for me.

"I meant no offense or judgment of your post, I was in need of "answering the moment" with the truth of how I felt. Likely all of us go through those times when it doesn't matter what the heck you try, you hit a wall, and it plain old sucks. That's where I was when I encountered your post, and I just... was not interested in attempting more work to change my state after everything I'd just been through that brought me to that state! You know?"

Yes I DO KNOW and it is this very moment that I was addressing. It’s when we hit a wall and don’t know what else to do that we need something to help us find our way back to what I call THE CIRCLE OF ONE.

I will share a little something here. If you remember I mentioned in Dec that I completed an initiation that I had started 10,000 years ago in Egypt. The outcome of my ah ha’s from this initiation is what I call THE CIRCLE OF ONE.

Without going into details of the actual initiation in this post, because it is not relevant, THE CIRCLE OF ONE is our goal. It is as though in the CIRCLE OF ONE we have come home to self and to the universe.

Briefly, if you envision a Star of David, the most mystical signature of Hermetic Principles. This represent AS ABOVE, SO BELOW; AS BELOW, SO ABOVE; AS WITHIN, SO WITHOUT; AS WITHOUT SO WITHIN

It is the transference of the God light and the Earth light into the HUMAN.

Now the CIRCLE OF ONE. Envision the two triangles separate and their upper and lower points just barely touching. This represents the NEW ENERGY. At this point we find ourselves completely in NEUTRAL in balance and it is the tiniest and grandest point or circle of all. All of the UNIVERSE is embodied at the meeting of the points. This is where we are instructed to BE to attain the absolute neutral balance that allows us to return to SOURCE. It is the 9th dimensional interpretation of the Star which has integrated these polarities in embodiment. The CIRCLE OF ONE is the state of pure essence and expresses no polarity.

Polarity is an illusion but one we accepted when Humans bought the farm. It came with the package. But the TRUTH is there is no polarity. I was given the assignment during my initiation to hold the CIRCLE OF ONE and if I did nothing else in this lifetime I would have completed and ascended and be allowed to return to SOURCE. Whew! A big deal! And no easy task.

I am also instructed to teach about this NEW ENERGY from this premise. So it is with this thought in mind that I will continue.

"And I am still working through a greater understanding on the idea of manipulating energy or changing what I feel in a given moment as WHAT IS, to something else I might prefer. I know it's how this realm got into a lot of the mess it's in, basically. "

We have been deluded into thinking negatively about the term manipulating. So the first thing to do is to look in the biggest ole’ dictionary you can find and read every definition of the words ‘manipulating’ and ‘manipulation’ so you TRULY understand the meaning of the term.

Because we have been misusing the term and choosing in many cases to think of it negatively we think that when we MANIPULATE energy we are doing the work of the dark side. This is just not so.

Simply, to manipulate energy is to move it and change it and play with it as though it is clay in your hands. And by doing so we mould it to our liking. If you can se it this way it will release your mind from the misunderstood concept and remove any internal resistance and conflict you might have over this terminology.


"In the past, the mind determined to define the moment by false ideas, fear-based wants and twisted ideas of what's right or appropriate. "

Not necessarily ‘false’. That is a judgment. At the time the ideas were defined one didn’t necessarily consider them false or fear-based. They were merely ideas that were formed and then acted upon under the delusion of ignorance or non-consciousness. They became what I call ‘illusion pollution’.


"It decided the emotional body's input was not what it wanted, so it hated it and sought defense against it, repressed it, denied it, ignored it, and/or redirected it."

This concept arose from the NEW AGE psychobabble and teachings of people who didn’t KNOW.

"I'm keenly aware that this is not what I'm here to do, and I'm unclear when or if it becomes time to do something more along the lines of what you shared."

"Knowing all of the above as well as I do... it's a tough leap to being a Creator at this level under a veil. Knowing how much I still don't know and can't see... it's tough to trust that I'm not doing the whole "wishful thinking" or opting for illusion over reality when working with energies from a partially blinded state."

In the NEW ENERGY we are NO LONGER UNDER THE VEIL. You only have to desire it to be lifted and then be willing to confront what is there to have it disappear. It is the act of the WARRIOR to ask for and act on this. I promise you this is so.

Just choose it and ask for help from your guides and teachers will appear to show you how. But take heed, this takes courage. It is nothing to fear but you may FEEL FEAR or apprehension. Just allow the feeling and then keep on going.

Every day with every thought and feeling that you have you are CREATING. YOU ARE THE CREATOR, A CREATOR, ASPECT OF SOURCE.. Remember As above, so below!

The only wishful thinking or illusion is the one that tells you that you are still enslaved and still not ready for the leap. If you want to leap, like ‘The Fool’ in the Tarot, stand on the edge of the cliff with your worldly goods and spiritual blessings in your little pack slung on your back and LEAP INTO THE UNKNOWN.

The Universe abhors a void. It will absolutely support you in your leap. As will your guides and masters. You only have to ask for the vision of clarity and you will receive it and you also have to get out of your own way to recognize it.

It is precisely that which I am sharing with you…a method to get out of your own way that will assist you in your leap and the removal of the veil.


" And so thus far, I steer clear of manipulation, coercion, control, etc. Likely too far in the other direction, perhaps."

And so with the above phrase we see the misinterpretation of the word ‘manipulation’.


"I'm not saying it's right or wrong, I personally just don't feel right doing something of that nature... yet. (??) I assume the dilemma exists for me with purpose, and I continue to contemplate it and work with it as I deal with what life presents to me."

"But I certainly appreciate input of the sort you posted in both it's intent and sovereign flavor. And if my response caused you grief, my sincere apologies. ((((Hugs!))))"

All apologies accepted and appreciated. I had to speak my truth too, so we are all one.

"As I walked away from the computer I realized that this may be a useful exercise to write about my process regarding these ideas, so I thought I'd add a bit more of what comes to me about it."

"When I'm in my heart, it's clear that I am. I feel connected to all, in cooperation with life from a strong foundation of love. When I'm in that state, I feel no need to alter anything according to my personal wants. It's as though my personal wants are served and I can feel and see that, from the flow. I'm excited to be a part of what I feel naturally flowing toward the highest good, that serves both others and myself without opposition. A greater intelligence and "infinite organizing power" is at work, and I'm a part of it, not standing out as director or supplicant."

Absolutely correct and this is the point of the CIRCLE OF ONE at least the beginning of the awareness of it. Next time you are there FEEL what it feels like to be there. Make a fist and anchor that FEELING INTO THE FIST. This anchor can help you in times of lesser elevated states. When you are feeling not-so-great and elevated make the fist and allow your cellular memory to bring you back to that exalted state of the heart energy.

"But when I'm in resistance, pain, struggle... these are the times when I wish things were different, certainly! But these are also precisely the times when I am not well-connected to life, not in cooperation but rather competition, and at times like that I am least able to discern the best course of action or the "highest good". To intend to manipulate energies to my preferences at a time like that feels "off". It feels to be a time when I am most likely to create what I don't actually intend. Because my focus (intent) is literally "torn"."

It is this thought, judgment where the REAL dilemma exists for the lightworker and many others. For one thing it still embodies the misunderstood meaning of the word manipulation. Secondly, it embodies the idea that we have to DO SOMETHING TO CHANGE THAT STATE. Third it embodies the intellectual, cerebral noise of ‘attempting to decide, to discern’ what it is we must DO FOR THE HIGHEST GOOD. And fourth in embodies the idea that it is NOT OK to create or intend what it is that will help us out of our state…because it assumes that because we are feeling disconnected we are not capable of good judgment.

We are always connected, only sometimes don’t feel connected. And DOING-NESS is not what is necessarily called for in these situations, rather CONSCIOUS BEING-NESS and being able to obtain conscious being-ness through conscious choice which we are always able to make even when we feel like crap. We only have to give the mind permission to KNOW we are making a conscious choice even though we feel out of sorts and disconnected. We give the command to the sub-conscious mind BEFORE HAND when we are connected and let it know we are in charge but in a CONSCIOUS MANNER and that even when we feel badly our intent is to regain our connection. I hear you jumping up and down Sowelu saying but, but, but… LOL

When I did that mediation/visualization the other day I told you all about I was in a TERRIBLE state. I could have convinced myself that I was not in any condition to alter the outcome that I believed would happen. I could have convinced myself that because of the state I was in I was not capable of making a good choice or decision for my highest good and the highest good for all because of my skewed state. But because previously I had given my WATCHER the permission to act on my behalf I was able to create a new outcome, a change in my belief system and most important a change in my emotional state that carried me through to the altered and desired outcome.

It was not a negative manipulation. What I did was to reconnect to SOURCE with a different instrument in me and allowed myself to FEEL THE CONNECTION THORUGH THE HEART. I only returned myself to the CIRCLE OF ONE where balance and neutrality reign supreme.

It is so absolutely simple it’s almost too much for the mind to bear. And it truth it is not meant for this to be processed through the mind. These concepts are to be processed through the heart center where universal consciousness and knowingness reigns.

The mind is way to noisy with it’s constant babble to be able to take in these concepts and allow their simplicity to impeach the complexity of our daily thoughts.


"What I mean there is that when we are in our hearts, we are in a unified state. We have ONE voice, all of our bodies are in accord, all of our energies are in unimpeded flow. But when we are not in our hearts (feeling the pain of our resistance, a key indicator that we are not in the heart), we can be sure that we have at least two "energies of opposition" regarding the moment, sometimes more, "tearing us away" from our heart. "

"In a moment of pain (in which we could either moan about it or do something about it) we already have something unknown within our energies creating resistance, "

Most of the time what is creating resistance is our minds, our thoughts, our beliefs in concepts that may not be our truth. That is why being ‘out of our minds’ is such a wonderful place to be because we leave all that garbage behind.

I’m sure you have heard many of the old timey masters and teachers say as they travel on the path the seem to know less and less. It’s a good place to be to know nothing. That is when the opportunity for learning and growth is at it’s keenest. And if you know nothing AND are confused you are in the absolute best place for a huge leap!


"...which is why we're feeling that pain and are not happy about it. That pain is us being nudged to realize that we are in opposition to the moment. This energy causing resistance, being unknown, is what's "unconscious" or "subconscious". So it's "in the dark", literally. "

There is no ENERGY CAUSING RESISTANCE. It is the mind that creates the resistance. The energy doesn’t DO anything. It just is there for the taking. It’s like heating your house. The fuel, gas or whatever is the energy source and it is just there waiting to be harnessed. The furnace is the mind and it converts the fuel and the energy source into an active thing that brings us heat.

By allowing oneself to believe there is an energy outside of self that can take command at any time and ‘cause’ something is not taking responsibility of our own creation. It is ALL US. We are the ones making the decisions all the time and if our minds are too busy with a million and one things happening, all the internal talk and doubts we create and uncreate until the cows come home and all we have is a bunch of cows. Clarity of thought brings in the results of our intentions and clarity of feeling brings the clarity of thought. Thought comes first, then feeling and then though again.

"Then we also have wishful thoughts (how things should or could be for us in that moment), which stand in direct opposition to what we're actually experiencing. They are an illusion we want to choose over our reality. And of course there may well be a fear underlying all of this, regarding why things aren't the way we believe they should or could be."

Whenever I encounter a ‘should’ or a ‘supposed to’ I always ask myself who’s speaking…who’s should is that? It’s a judgment from outside ourselves.

Wishful thoughts are not creational thoughts. They fall into the category of ‘trying’ and ‘hoping’. Trying and hoping are supplicating and victimizing thoughts. DOING, BEING AND KNOWING are where we want to train the mind to go.

Experiencing is a delusion. What we experience comes as a result of what we have thought. We believe our experiences are ‘reality’. Ha! Not so. Our experiences are the outcome of whatever thoughts we have previously had. The reality is in the mind, the thought, the feeling and the outcome.

Charging our thoughts with desire and feeling is how we create. You can do it consciously or unconsciously. The former is the active creator the latter is the passive creator who is still in the dark, behind the veil, unconscious.

"These are our very own energetic forces at work in that moment, none of which are "centered". And all of which are in rejection of the NOW we are experiencing. So in a sense, we are in our "anti-self" or "anti-truth" state as far as our consciousness (power) goes."

I know all the great teachers teach us to be in the NOW. Because the NOW is all there is. So if that is the truth, then why not create the NOW the way we want it to be bringing us joy and peace, feelings of connectedness and confidence?

If you are feeling ‘uncentered’, disconnected in the NOW then it is within your power to change that feeling and be centered in the NOW. This is a new paradigm and even though many have taught about the CONCEPT, few have given us the methods and the means to obtain the NOW in our own image of perfection.

There is no anti-self, only SELF which IS. That feeling of being uncentered and in the anti-self is a delusion we have created through the thoughts we HAD which brought about or are continually bringing about the current state of NOW-ness. We can always shift and claim our power and turn on a dime any time we wish. Even when we feel the worst.

"From that state, it seems foolhardy at best, to me, to attempt to use our power to deliberately manipulate energy. What was unconscious in us, acting as resistance to the NOW and produced our pain, did not come to light but still remains unconscious... and acts as the fuel behind our chosen "positive" intention! "

"So rather than do that - which mankind has been doing for a very long time, imo, and we see the results everywhere all the time - the thing that feels best to me in those moments is to LISTEN to the resistance. Give it a voice. Allow it to speak uncensored and not controlled by our mind in any way. And from that, learn something about that moment that we were trying to avoid. "

This is a good choice to make when we want to learn something. We listen without the mind acting and then we allow the expression to manifest. But then if we are feeling unresolved and disconnected we can decide with the mind and the feelings if we want to remain in the resistance or use the tools we have to move out of that state and become reconnected feeling better and being able to now act in a more centered and neutral manner.

It is not denying the feeling and stuffing it at all. We have to remember we are conscious creators.

I was in a funk the other day because I had a fairly significant disagreement with someone who I thought was a good friend. After allowing myself to stay in my disconnected feelings and resistance, talking about it to trusted sources and feeling my sense of loss and disillusionment, I then chose not to stay there and wallow in it. I had my ah ha and my insight so I no longer needed the ‘funk’ state and chose to discard it using that little meditation I taught you.

I asked myself how I would feel if I knew the truth of the matter and what I really wanted. I pretended in my visualization and allowed my subconscious and unconscious mind to erupt under the gentle guidance of my WATCHER. I ALLOWED MYSELF TO KNOW THE ANSWER and then I locked it in with my feelings of joy because it was an answer that allowed me to have what I wanted and also to stay in my power. I had to let go and choose. I had to own my part in the play and I had to be able to accept the truth that I had deceived myself and believed that there was something there that wasn’t. I chose to accept this person on the terms they were offering and had to like my self-inflicted wounds of my own illusion. I got over it almost instantly and was find and still am. A bit sad still but fine.

In the past I would have walked away and stuffed a lot of my feelings or exploded, neither of which would have served ME.

And it is ourselves we are here to serve. I KNOW, I KNOW…. I hear all of you saying NO, service to self is the dark side. Not true. There is ONLY SELF and if we can’t honor ourselves by serving ourselves then we can’t be much good to anyone else. If we convince ourselves we here to serve others then our ego gets really pumped up but we often forget ourselves in the process. I did this for years and got almost no where.

"By doing this, we learn something valuable we did not consciously understand before. We literally take something that was living in our hidden dark places within and bring it to the light of our consciousness. It was serving us by causing pain so we'd pay attention to it and finally listen to it, and once we do... it no longer generates pain for us. It's been heard. It's been honored. It's been fulfilled. It no longer holds us apart from the flow, because we no longer hold it outside our awareness."

EXACTLY! YAAAAAY!

"So what we learn - the new knowledge we just acquired - aids us in being at peace when/where we resisted before, resulting in us lessening our pain not just in that one moment but across the board, in this particular way, permanently."

"In other words, that moment is precisely the time not to manipulate, but to STOP trying to have an influence, and let ourselves BE influenced. With our awareness turned "on" and our senses "open"."

CORRECTO!

"This is what I have learned so far on this journey about that moment of aggravation where we can either complain or do something. Mankind has almost always determined to do something because it is not a pleasant place to be. But in all these eons, all that doing has not produced the actual desired result. The pain will return for us to respond to yet again, because we did not actually eliminate it, we avoided it... temporarily. Worse, even... the "doing" we've done in those key moments in the past has often created a whole lot that's undesired, that we will also have to face in some future moment."

Yes this is true. So why then maintain the state of resistance after the awareness alights? Habbit? Stubborness? Comfort? It is very comfortable for us to wallow. And it’s familiar so we just sit often and don’t take charge.

"And in truth, turning inward and listening, allowing the dark energy of resistance to the NOW to finally come up to the light in its truth, is a "doing something". Though granted it's not nearly as fun as instantly transforming our pain into something else more pleasant. But will that "more fun" option last? "

I don’t’ think this is the right question. I think it would be better phrased…Why shouldn’t that more fun option last?

We can choose for it to last by moving the process along faster. That’s what many of these exercises do.

The NEW ENERGY is fast and furious. We are not required to stay in any one place or state for nearly as long as previously. So after we have processed our stuff, then why not choose joy? And why not choose to stay there for as longs as we like? Any why not choose to use instruments that will help us to return to joy and connectedness as quickly as possible?


"Or is it a temporary measure that might actually grow the resistance at sublevels where we can't see - like mold in moist, dark places - wreaking more havoc at a later time?"

With all that said, I also feel an urge to learn something new here. I just don't know what it is. Perhaps it's along the lines of what you've shared. I honestly don't know, and I mean to make that clear.

Thanks for the opportunity to express all of this, Liliahnah! ((((Bless you!))))

Well my way isn’t the only way. There are many similar paths up the mountain. I am not afraid to take the rocky road nor am I afraid to peek under the veil. For me personally the path of transformation has always been intense, sometimes violent, always dangerous and always exciting, often painful and now easier, faster and more joyful. I personally have NEVER been afraid of higher knowledge or of people who offer me another way of perceiving. But, my ego has gotten the best of me at times so I was unable to listen to that message being offered.

I honor all of you for being willing to listen and being willing to explore. That’s what our jobs are in part. To go where no man/woman has gone before, to uncover territory that is new…the pioneer spirit, the adventurer and to listen to our own inner yearnings so we can serve ourselves and in doing so serve the Universe.

OK, I’m done with this incredibly long post and now am going to make some money. J

Love you all,
Liliahnah

P.S. I originally thought i was entering this in two colors to make it easier to read and alas this was not so. I have put quotes around Sowelu's comments to differentiate them from mine.

I realize this sounds preachy and it is not meant to be preachy; and by all means not meant to tear apart Sowelu's ideas. I always admire and respect your ideas, Sowey so don't get pissed at me please???!!! :-)

I realy mean for it to be an expression and counterpoint of my ideas in relation to Sowelu's thoughtful post.

[Sowelu]

Liliahnah Wrote:

"Yes I DO KNOW and it is this very moment that I was addressing. It’s when we hit a wall and don’t know what else to do that we need something to help us find our way back to what I call THE CIRCLE OF ONE."

Indeed! And what I did my best to express is that the way back to the Circle of One is not to manipulate or force our desire from that unconscious place (evidenced by our pain and difficulty in the moment) to create something else, but to LISTEN and ALLOW, finally, that unconscious energy to have it's time in the light.

This will bring us to the ability to be a Conscious Co-Creator, rather than an UNConscious Co-Creator, which is what mankind has been for so long, and would continue to be without making this discomfort-in-the-moment conscious.

The point was that THIS is how we re-enter the heart space, or the Circle of One, as you called it. Not by changing that NOW moment, but by truly and fully ENTERING it - and being honest about its influence on us in the moment. And that will often require acknowledging the angst of doing so (that's the bitching and moaning).

But once that angst is honestly expressed, it is in a sense a green light for understanding to finally flow. And another way of wording "understanding" is: entering the Circle of One. Or re-entering the heart space. Or re-harmonizing with the NOW.

In other words... now that the truth of our angst against the moment is truly acknowledged (expressed as it is felt, not expressed in different terms such as what we prefer to feel or experience), we actually become truth in that moment. This brings us back to the heart if we allow it to.

As we've mentioned before, watch a child. It doesn't refrain from crying or stomping when it's upset, but it also doesn't refrain from cooing and delighting in the very next moment. NOW is not always pleasant and doesn't have to be. But being real (aligned with the truth of the moment) entails not manipulating the truth of the moment into something else.

If we decide to manipulate that moment, our point of power is our mind, not our heart. And until our mind is integrated with our total being (which would be experienced as being in the heart in that moment), we are CREATING from our mind still steeped in limitation (the unconscious cause for our pain which is now being used to create something else more desirable). And this is old news here. It's what's been done over and over.

The pull to do so is the mind wanting to experience CREATOR STATUS, because it knows at least that it IS, somehow, Creator. But it still lacks understanding of how that is so. And it wants that status in that moment understandably, because the body in 3D is feeling pain. But that is precisely because the human mind/body complex is NOT aware of that Creator level yet! It is not yet "en rapport" with its Creator wisdom and awareness. It is experiencing its separation from that Creator level, and it smarts!

But the mind cannot experience CREATOR STATUS in truth (which is the goal and what's different than the way it's been here for so long) until it IS Creator!

And that is not accomplished by "taking over" in that moment, but by entering the heart in that moment. That's where CREATOR lives. So the mind becomes a TRUE Creator not by "doing as Creator does" from its limited state, but by BEING Creator and knowing the wisdom of why it created this moment to begin with.

We are always connected, Divine and whole in truth. I have no issue with that. We are always Creator, as well. In fact, that is the point! We always have been! If we want something new from this new energy, it behooves us not to take the same tack we've used in countless ways over countless eons, by attempting to change the moment before we truly ENTER the moment... but to continue the work we've done thus far, with this new level of energy.

Choosing to create while still being influenced unconsciously - choosing to take that moment and decide how it should or could be and intend that, without understanding why it is the way it is first - is denying the truth of that moment and creating from an illusion.

And that is what mankind has done all along.

This new energy does not make that different, imo. It simply ups the ante and the stakes. And to decide now - with the influx of our Divinity getting stronger so that we have more impact on immediate manifestation - that we are going to use our power to create more intentionally, while still being "pained" from an unconscious place about the truth of a moment... is foolhardy, at best.

Now... it sounds like I'm arguing with you, Lil, and you gotta know I'm not. LOL! What I'm doing is expressing the very real awareness that I have about that moment, and why I cannot seem to shift from it to what you're saying. Both could well be accurate and correct and wonderful, I honestly don't know. I DO know that while we talk about it, this is what comes for me.

Again... if we realize that we are ALWAYS Creator, then we already CREATED this moment in which we're feeling pain! So... what is its value? It seems to me that THIS is what the human consciousness is working to "do" and how it will end its illusory separation from its Divinity: discover the wisdom and value behind the experiences in which the human feels pain and rejection. These experiences and moments are already created by the Self. So becoming the wisdom that designed that moment and experience - the one in which the human in separation is having difficulty - is becoming Creator.

Our sovereignty comes not from recreating the moment to something more likeable to the human aspect, but from the human aspect finally discovering the truth that it is one with the Creator that already created this moment with purpose! THIS, imo, is Zero Point energy, as some term it. This is how we get to Zero Point. Talk about enlightenment! Talk about engaging with life at the most powerful levels! To discover the truth of why the NOW that we find so distasteful was created by us to begin with!

But if we change it to our current preference without discovering that Creator wisdom that produced the moment to begin with, we ARE behaving as victim and rebelling against our own greater, Creator wisdom.

Or so I see it at the moment.

Love you oooodles and gobs, Liliahnah! ((((Hugs!))))
Sowelu

[Edward]

liliahnah said:

HIya all!
ROFL! Because I spend the better part of my day bitching and moaning about all sorts of discomforts, aches, pains physically and mentally, emotionall, etc. I am miserable so much of the time I can't stand my own stink and ascension symtoms run rampant with me on many days.

But I also know that there is only so long I can do this and I am incredibly grateful to have this board to come to and for all of you to share with and discover about these things. I also do my best to remind myself about the simple fact that this is MY universe and everything in it is MY creation and perception...including how I react to the new energies.

It's not that I am in any better a place than anyone else here and in many cases maybe worse. Some days I can't even walk and I never sleep anymore except in spurts. I ache all over and have a stuffed nose and hemming in my throat 24/7. My vision is blurred and I am riddled with self doubt about my own progress, my body, my weight, my growing older and less able to do things.

I question my decisions all the time, wonder if this crazy energy will ever end, pray for the mother ship to take me back home and for the little green men to be kind when they sneak up on me from behind.

There are days when I am interminably lonesome for 'real' friends...complete with skin on them here and now in my present and unbelievably sad when yet another person I thought was a freind in my inner circle disappoints my ideal and disappears from my universe.

I yearn almost constantly for something else, something better, a different way of doing things, seeing and perceiving things and experiencing things in my life that are worthwhile and meaninful and uplifting.

And when I can't stand myself anymore, when I have hit bottom and can't get a grip, have no one to guide me and no where to turn, I do some of the things I suggested and they help me to feel better and more in control and command of my creation.

Sometimes everyone needs a kick in the butt and who likes that? Not me for sure. I don't like being reminded of my choices that have sunk me into the pits. And I sure as hell don't like being reminded that I can pull myself out when I am feeling like junk on a stick. Some days warm fuzzies only piss me off and being coddled makes me want to scream. I am sure it's the same here with everyone. Certain times call for certain measures, all changing.

For years and years I have heard self made gurus tell everyone to pull themselves up, take responsibility, etc but no one every told us how to do this. So now there are things surfacing that are workable, easy methods for us to use to succeed. when I find them I do my best to share the with the people that I care about.

I only used the little meditation yesterday. Here's my experience. If you're bored click away, but if not then read on.

I had a shipment of items that I was expecting to be brought to me from the states. these things are pieces that sustain my livilihood and allow me to have some kind of an income.They had to be brought in across a boarder and the customs people here are pretty stiff. I had thousands of dollars of merchandise that I chose to ship to a friend of a friend in FL that I had never met. Then my friend was to pick these things up when she passed through FL and bring them to me.

This was a fairly safe choice because I know my girlfriend was trustworthy. But only two weeks ago the Post Office delievered a package to my assistant in the states who had to put in a claim because it was run over by a truck and all the merchandise in it was damaged. so I was nervous.

I got myself into an incredible mental mess over this with worry and fear and concern that something might happen at customs and my goods might be confiscated. i had justifiable fear because this happened once before with over $10K worth of goods. And I still haven't gotten that back.

I was a basket case yesterday over this whole matter. Finally after I made myself throw up from anxiety I remembered this little ditty of a visualization that I shared with you. I did it and asked myself how I would feel if I felt confident that my merchandise had arrived safely and I had heard from my friend that all was fine.

I saw the entire thing in my mind the way I wanted it to be and it was really, really hard to dispell my f ears and doubts, but when I got to that place I let myself feel the feelings of success and receiving my stuff.

Within about one minute of finishing this the phone rang. It was my friend who had just arrived and gone through customs and told me all was well and she would be back home here near me in about 1 hour with all my stuff safe and sound. Because of the new energies, my vision manifested itself immediately. I was stunned and happy and shocked all at once.

I almost burst into tears, partly from joy but more from frustration with myself for having twisted myself into a mess before and not remembering to do this earlier. But I was also thrilled that the exercise worked and helped me to feel better long enough to make the shift.

That is all I am trying to share with you.

If you want to bitch and moan that's fine. I am here along with everyone else and I think it's a great place to vent and share those feelings. I sure have done it myself plenty. But if you want out and are tired of bitching then maybe try it. And you can always go back to b&m-ing.

And Destra I agree with you and I also see another side to it all. On one hand we can come here to share and feel acceptance and love ,but also it's a good thing to get some ideas on how to re-learn to live in these times of turmoil and change. Many of the things we have done in the past don't work anymore in these new energies, so it's time to re-invent the wheel in a higher vibrational frequency.

And I have to say in all honesty, that if I didn't have compassion and love for you all I wouldn't bother coming here. I say this in compassion and from love. There are tons and tons of discussion groups and boards and I only come here. I don't want to go elsewhere and waste my time and energy in places that don't resonnate. It takes a lot of time and effort sometimes to respond to people when I can't even see and I do it from my heart...as do we all I am quite sure. I'm not beating my own drum, just stating my truth.

If I have a harder and less resiliant approach it is because of my nature not my lack of nurture. In the Mayan calendar, I am the MIRROR which is hard, reflective and there are no shadow forms. Mirrors reflect endlessly and into infinity. They are cold, shiny and hard on the surface but as we all know very fragile. Even a broken mirror continues on with it's task and reflects whatever comes into it's path.

And another side to my nature in Feng Shui and Chinese medicine is that I am the water trigram, which flows, finds it's own level and is also reflective in more than one way.

So my style definitely reflects my nature (no pun intended :-) ) as does everyones.

I re-reading the responses to my post I get from those of you who responded that my input is not necessarily well received. I have had this experience on the board in the past and I have left this board as a result. I returned last fall as an experiment for myself. Leaving again is not something I want to do...but, I will say this:

Every group has many personalities and a vibration. If there are enough people here for instance that don't want to hear from someone with a different opinion, perhaps a different style of delivery and different levels of experience and awareness then so be it. Any group can go on it's way with the members reinforcing one another and get caught in the unending spriral of infinity that allows for them to bounce back and forth off one another and maybe or maybe not there will be new awareness.

This is not to say in any way that I am a guru who is all knowing and I would abhor that anyone put me in that postion. But I have a different persepetive often and have even mentioned that there are many times my opinion is the unpopular one.

I would be sad if I knew that I was not welcome here with my opinions but I would be fine and can go anywhere and be fine. I am speaking from a very deep and personal inner note because your responses were very personal. I no longer choose to ignore my feelings or anyone else's sweeping them under the covers.

If I hurt anyone with my thoughts or ideas or my approach I aplogize. My own path is one I have chosen and if I stay on it alone I am happy with that. If I have others with me I am happy with that too.

Love to you all.
Liliahnah

Communication has been always the thing for this universe to learn to deal with. Perhaps it is a built in mechanism for us to over come and therefore it creates alot of possibilities for us and that is why we have communication on various levels and with those various levels we have various difficulties with a fluid communication process. You may properly communicate your ideas thoughts and emotions in one sense but another may totally be blind to what you are saying and interpret those things at the current level they are at and hence misunderstandings occur and everything else that could go astray does. Like you have said Lili the best you can do is to be upfront and honest and not run from who you are. That is something that is most inspiring. Don't fear to be "you". Don't let the fear of people not understanding you, keep you from being "you". I think you illustrate your point clearly, coupled with your frustrations, this is only a natural thing. For it is part of the vast experiences "you" are going through. Now others may not be able to relate to this and may have no concept of what you are saying or trying to say and this is where another aspect of miscommunication comes in as well. This ,like life is so multi-faceted and it can boogle the mind at times. hehe. But keep on being who "you" are Lili for the example you set by your words and your wolrld does travel far and affects us all and I thank you for sharing everything you have to offer.


Peace, Love and Enlightenment,

Ed

[Sowelu]

Because it may not be clear, I want to say that what Liliahnah and I are doing, in my perception, is working together to bring information to light. I feel absolutely no "against Lili" energy in me as I write, and I sense none in Lili in her posts back to me.

I mention this because it seems some may be construing passionate discussion as conflict. I'd say it's more like love-making - a passionate exchange of energies toward a mutual, unifying goal - than fighting. *heehee* (blushing for Liliahnah).



I thrill to this type of revelation we're doing here, and I just wanted to make sure that's known. There are few who choose to go to these lengths to clearly express their understanding of life at such a deep level, and I find it wonderful to see in Liliahnah, and am doing my best to do her efforts justice in return.



In my opinion these are key concepts that are in need of revelation at this time in this realm, and I couldn't ask for a better, more eloquent and passionate "co-worker", frankly. (((Squeezey hugs!!)))

Much love and gratitude,
Sowelu

[destra]

Something people can tend to lose sight of on Spiritual forums, is that we don't all HAVE to agree on anything or everything!!!! We are our own individual expressions of Creation, and as such we will never agree on everything. It is when we can come together, with our differences, find some spark of similarity, and share honestly with one another that REAL magick is made!!!

You go girls, i'm reading this post with much vigor, it is so refreshing to see oppositional mindsets shared with LOVE and respect.

*cheers*

[sama]

cant help giggling at sowelu's reply!

liliahnah, your post is the epitome of you.....clear and eloquent. yep, we are a bit like a lot of old grannies, but thats part of the fun at times! and this ole granny likes a good natter on the porch anyway!

hugs
sama

[LilliHart]

sowelu said:

Because it may not be clear, I want to say that what Liliahnah and I are doing, in my perception, is working together to bring information to light. I feel absolutely no "against Lili" energy in me as I write, and I sense none in Lili in her posts back to me.

I mention this because it seems some may be construing passionate discussion as conflict. I'd say it's more like love-making - a passionate exchange of energies toward a mutual, unifying goal - than fighting. *heehee* (blushing for Liliahnah).



I thrill to this type of revelation we're doing here, and I just wanted to make sure that's known. There are few who choose to go to these lengths to clearly express their understanding of life at such a deep level, and I find it wonderful to see in Liliahnah, and am doing my best to do her efforts justice in return.



In my opinion these are key concepts that are in need of revelation at this time in this realm, and I couldn't ask for a better, more eloquent and passionate "co-worker", frankly. (((Squeezey hugs!!)))

Much love and gratitude,
Sowelu

Oh Sowey,
How could you be so cruel to reveal us? And since you have you know how I love a good vulgar gufaw, so I'll be good now and no fighting and f**king toward a unified goal! Just a passionate exchange of words and ideas to bring us giggles of pleasure.

LOL LOL LOL

I'll be back for more of this when I don't have as much sugar in my system. My daughter made me scratch brownies. She's been having nesting instincts.

I may soon be joining you old grannies, but I sure hope not too soon.

Burp!

Tee hee...

[destra]

Hahaha Lil you reminded me of a t-shirt my husband got from a friend for Xmas -

"Bombing for peace is like Fucking for virginity"


Pardon my language!

*laughs*

[Sowelu]

ROFL! I love it! *heehee*