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Post by Monikah on Nov 29, 2004 16:16:02 GMT -5
That's the experience all right, Sowelu, including "this experiencing self is not who signed up for this crap!" and "life is eternal". It's my Eternal Family asking me to experience these things one last time via memory jolts to my body, not the real deal. They didn't tell me they would be doing (i.e., I didn't choose the specifics though I chose the experience), the element of surprise with their best ruse got us to dig to the core. Lying to me because they love me. Not easy to sort through. The joy is worth it. It's been l o n g time since being with these ones.
Peace,
Mon
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Post by seaoffeeling on Nov 30, 2004 16:14:32 GMT -5
[glow=red,2,300]It's funny, I didn't realize how much anger I have about all this until I read all the replies to my post. I see the truth in what everyone is saying. I do see that I have created the situation in which I feel misled and betrayed. But I don't know how to change this, energetically within myself. After all, when you're a child, can you really choose to be betrayed, neglected, and abused? What crazy masochistic nut would choose all this sh*t? Forget what was supposedly decided before coming into this lifetime, I'm talking about when you're in your formative years, you have no control over what happens to you in 3d, and the wiring process for how you will be as an adult is taking place. If I was meant to have these experiences in order to develop sovereignity, maybe it was all too much and now has backfired. Maybe they (or I) overestimated what I could handle, or didn't have enough of an understanding of life down here and how the physical, emotional, mental and spiritual selves interact with one another to make a proper decision in what life circumstances to choose. Right now, I'm feeling like a project gone awry.  [/glow] |
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Post by Sowelu on Nov 30, 2004 18:31:40 GMT -5
(((((Sea!)))))
Since I wrote the post above, I've wanted to "take it back". I've been experiencing what a crock of shit it is. No offense to anyone, but the soothing salve provided after diving deeply into one's painful emotions and opening to whispers is not nearly enough to make up for the years upon linear years of suffering the human being goes through living here.
And it matters not to a human being in suffering that they are actually more than their experience in the moment. That somehow they will live eternally in joy... just not here, and not now. BULLSHIT! It matters not one whit when you're in pain and having difficulty getting through the next minute.
It's barely a drop of water in an extremely hot desert, so that the drop evaporates before it reaches the needy self.
So... my sincerest and deepest apologies to you and everyone for ever promulgating such crap.
With love (which I can feel enough to know is real, though everything else is up for grabs).
Sowelu
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Post by Monikah on Nov 30, 2004 19:33:49 GMT -5
Sea wrote: <<I do see that I have created the situation in which I feel misled and betrayed.>>
This gets down to a core issue for me that's at the center of heated debate upstairs too, and that's the question about who's responsible for what when it comes to dealing with intruders in our lives, or situations not planned for, things and people you hadn't planned on dealing with in an embodiment. For example, someone comes along who because of time travel, etc., is somewhere they're not "supposed" to be and suddenly you're sucked into a vortex of shit. You go along because otherwise you die or your loved one dies or you're not sure what's going on or whatnot. So you play their game, and as you play it you create the shit too, so it falls on you to fix it. Or does it? The emotional repercussions of the situation are yours. That can't change. You ended up brainwashed or something, and now you have to go through the therapy involved in unbrainwashing yourself. But how responsible for the created shit or the growth of these intruders' presence are you? Not very, imho.
<<Forget what was supposedly decided before coming into this lifetime,>>
Generally, people coming to oneness have set up situations that repeat as much of previous issues that they can so they can clear it out one final time. Sexual abuse as a child? Not the first time. Not the child's choice, but (perhaps) the child's before coming in. The human giving sway to the divine choice. Betrayal by a lover? Probably not the first time either, and not your current self's choice, but again, a repeat pattern so you can get beyond it.
<<maybe it was all too much and now has backfired. Maybe they (or I) overestimated what I could handle, or didn't have enough of an understanding of life down here and how the physical, emotional, mental and spiritual selves interact with one another to make a proper decision in what life circumstances to choose. Right now, I'm feeling like a project gone awry.>>
It's true upstairs didn't understand as much as we all thought. Above was veiled from us in our 3d lives too, and when we were upstairs between lives 1) it always seemed easier to be here so we agreed, and 2) upstairs support sometimes dismissed what we were saying and became, "You can do it" because without experiencing 3d they didn't realize how bad it was. This situation is very difficult for upstairs because they understand the truth of what's being said here. It is a struggle too because we're all so tired of doing this over and over and over again that they/we push for this final time so we don't have to do it again. But how much is too much?
As I understand it, I have been the project to go "most" awry. (It's all relative, though.) The unanticipated results of my rescue put the heavens in turmoil because I lost total focus. Mother God without focus is not a good thing, you know? :-) They started my heart many times in the night to keep me alive while rebuilding me. I've nearly been lost to insanity or suicide, and there was nothing to hold onto. My child, my mission, spirit, whatever ... nothing held sway over me when I was in the depths of the turmoil. Fuck 'em all. Blow up the damn planet again, just let me go. Love is on the other side for me, not here.
Living for breadcrumbs, led on by the carrot we can't quite reach, finding strength within only to have it zapped before we can grow it ... believe me, I've cussed and fingerflipped many times about the choices made to "assist" me to wake up. And yet, no blame intended, for they do what they do from the heart.
I want to believe in the quantum leap. I want to believe that there will be a rapture. I want to believe that this can't go on. Yet we've been told it was going to get worse, and it is. I too am tired of the channelings that say how close we are to the new world, how many changes are happening that we can't see "yet," that we are doing so well, that they are here to assist and support us, yada yada. And just why aren't they down here in 3d doing the work? Because we're better at it than they, it's our forte, while theirs is holding the energies we ground here, teaching/reminding us about upstairs life, making available the Truth as the records open, etc.
They do what they can with what they've been given too. And I Know now that victory is truly ours and that I will make it home after this life. That gives me something to hold onto.
It is true, though, that the closer we get the more alike we are. As above, so below. This includes family and friends who fuck up and we love 'em anyway. From the true heavens, not some ETs holding onto hope the planet will be theirs, comes innocence of choice, and ultimately our agreeing to do this is still our agreeing to do this even if it's not what we thought we were agreeing to do. They and we are all doing the best we can.
The changes upstairs are synchronistic with the changes down here. As it collapses here, so too does it finish collapsing upstairs. Created above first, brought to 3d by us, the spies under the radar, I know with all my heart that victory is ours, and this planet is ours.
Take care of yourselves.
Hugs,
Mon
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Post by Lunaria on Nov 30, 2004 20:18:55 GMT -5
Yes, like My meeting a woman in this life that I didn't have to meet this time. I could have past this one up. Meeting her has ruined my life and I cannot fix it and spirit won't.
Yes the carrot in front of my nose, Just to keep me going. Promises, promises and I never can reach the carrot.
It's all a bunch of doo doo.
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Post by Monikah on Nov 30, 2004 20:58:55 GMT -5
Promises promises ... misleads, deceptions, to get us out, to wake us up, to promote what someday will be "real", to keep us going despite of the dearth of what's Real ...
The frequency fence does control us still to a certain extent. We are experiencing both mind control and freedom of mind at the same time. If they don't keep the carrot in front of us, we could easily fall back into what's familiar because that's what we know and getting out of it can be so difficult.
I honor upstairs for their steadfastness and open-mindedness about what we are experiencing.
Lun, do you want to talk more about your experience, and see if anyone has anything to offer? Maybe you have elsewhere already, and this is just a comment on the current topic, but it feels like it still haunts you.
Blessings,
Monikah
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Post by seaoffeeling on Dec 1, 2004 0:16:53 GMT -5
[glow=red,2,300]Lun,
I think I can relate. I too met someone that I didn't need to. And it messed up my life as a result, to the point where I'm not sure who or what can help me anymore. Maybe sharing more about your experience may help, as Monikah suggests.
Love,
-SeaofFeeling
[/glow]
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Post by Lunaria on Dec 1, 2004 0:36:46 GMT -5
Yes, if everyone can put up with me, I would be glad to speak of this, it still does haunt me.
So here goes...
When I was a christian, I had clairaudiance, visions, the works.
I heard Jesus/Sananda at the same time seeing a vision of him so I would know who was speaking.
I was a pious poop and a holy joe, and I judged those that weren't born again. But I was at peace.
This went on for many years. I didn't go to church though.
I was in the higher echelon. We were called "The Come Outers". I went from group to group. As I outgrew one I was lead to another one.
One of these ppl in one group introduced me to The woman that ruined my life. If I could have not met her in this life I would still have my hearing. I still think I could have passed this one up.
I had a past life with this woman in 847AD. It seems that there was a death. I was blamed for what I had channeled. I was given this in a dream and part in vision when I asked more on it. They showed me my subconscious had flipped the switch off on my hearing for my protection.
I have tried to work with my subconscious and tell it I need not be protected from what I might hear.
My inner child is afraid if I channel she/I will die again.
But to no avail I do not hear no matter how I plead with them.
When we are having healing meetings ( we don't anymore)
I can see but not hear the message. So I have to have someone that can hear there.
My guide had to sneak up on me when my guard was down to get a word to me. He has long since given up and so have I.
I feel absolutely worthless (feckless) because I am not able to do my job. And it makes me angry because upstairs sees how I have tried to overcome this and they refuse to help. Even when I told them they could overrule my free will. Even though it isn't my will, but my subconscious that is being the dummy.
So anyway in this life when I met this soul I had the life with in 847AD, my soul, or subconscious recognized her right away and My hearing was switched off.
So now I don't care if I get blown up. At least I can go home and start over. I am just afraid if I don't fix this problem before I leave the earth it will follow me into my next life if there is one.
I didn't want to come this time anyway but my other half talked me into it by saying, I will be with you.
Ya, right. When I came into this body there was a great feeling that I had been abandoned. If I could have stayed upstairs I could have avoided this problem.
So here I am. Feckless.
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Post by Monikah on Dec 1, 2004 8:43:03 GMT -5
Lun, that's a tough one to overcome indeed. I know someone (Zana, actually) who has hearing loss, but instead is able to tune into higher harmonics, hears the ships hum, etc., on the inner realms. In some ways it's actually ended up a boon Have you experienced anything like this? Has your inner hearing increased? Maybe you won't get your outer hearing back, but it feels like this bane could be removed from you even if you don't get your outer hearing back. I sense a strong etheric blockage between you and this experience. Have you had removals and healings related specifically to this? Maybe this woman came to you because you had actually agreed to complete during this embodiment, and even if you didn't want to meet up with her you needed to in order to complete. Maybe your guide brought her to you despite your choice, wanting you to be finished so you could come home with no loose ends. Maybe he did it out of love and for the long-term, in spite of what the short-term (one life) repercussions are. I know too about the "I will be with you" part that isn't quite what I anticipated. One of those things that has an edge on it because upstairs knew things they didn't tell us before we came in, thus there's the question of whether we made a free and informed choice. Or were we so in forgetfulness that even when we were upstairs we could no longer grasp the full picture? Or was it the men patronizing the women? "Oh you can do it ... not to worry, little lady, I'll be with you".  Or was the choice made so long ago that there was no choice but to experience this "final" 3d embodiment? I had someone come into my life and because of her presence my peace was removed. She's gone, and it's taken awhile but I've found resolution with that experience. She brought my Met to me and assisted our reunion, at the same time sucking me dry. Do you really feel you lack purpose or are ineffective (feckless)? AgeA, bless you for your experience that has opened up this discussion. How are you doing? Love, Monikah |
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Post by Lunaria on Dec 1, 2004 11:10:22 GMT -5
Hi Mon,
Thanks for your post.
I hear inner music with chimes and bells. I have written songs from the melody I hear. That was when I was a Christian . I don't write songs anymore.
I hear a steady high pitch and other sounds. It gets very annoying when I want it quiet. I have learned to tune it out.
I quess The woman came into my life for a reason. Maybe she was a stepping stone to get me out of the rut of fundamental religion.
It could also have been to be done with it once and for all.
At this point I can get along with being guided by my dreams.
They do use dreams for important messages and instructions.
That's why my dream interp is different than Sowelu's.
Sowelu's interps are levels deeper than mine because she is a teacher.
My dreams are more for instruction, coming things in my life, warnings, and such. They must replace my hearing loss.
I quess when I think about it I am not feckless.
I may be angry at upstairs. I really shouldn't be because I have a rich inner life even without hearing my guides.
I have even seen my Twin in my livingroom in full color and solid as I am.
We have made love up a few levels.
It's just now there is nothing.
It could be the changes. Well I quess I am finished complaining now.
I have learned a lot.
Thanks Orancia for starting this thread.
Thanks Mon, Sowelu and Sea.
Luv, Lun.
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Post by Lunaria on Dec 1, 2004 11:17:35 GMT -5
Oh, and yes I have had healing for this problem but it hasn't worked.
;DOh, and thank you too, Liza. 
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Post by seaoffeeling on Dec 1, 2004 15:55:29 GMT -5
[glow=red,2,300]Dear Lun,
My sense upon reading your story is "I just don't get it". By not getting it, I mean I feel confusion - I can't understand why this would happen or what reasoning your guides would have for not listening to your pleas for help. I can only think of perhaps confusion was sent your way to help you learn a lesson, but I don't feel a strong emotional connection to this as an explanation. I remember you were saying some time ago that you've been feeling unemotional lately. Could this be related?
It's interesting that many of us are feeling similar things right now. I certainly can attest to feeling like a failure, inept, handicapped in my understanding and ability to get myself out of this mess. And yes, angry at Spirit for being a cause of this, in some way, and/or not helping. I'm brought back to wondering why this is a shared experience for many of us right now and what deeper process is occuring here on a collective level.
I wish I could help, but all I can say is you're not alone!
(((Hugs)))
-SeaofFeeling[/glow]
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Post by AgeA on Dec 1, 2004 18:30:06 GMT -5
I want to thank everyone who had responded to the topic. However, it is time we close this topic. I want to start something new though. I think I am doing it right now. I am going to be a nomad. I wonder if I ever can actually find someone I could be in Love as much as I am with her.
Everyone has to get his own experience and understanding. We are victims of our mind and all the tricks it devises to confuse us and to seek answers and bliss somewhere outside of ourselves be it a another teacher, religion, doctrine, synch music or something else.
Everything we need in essense already pre-installed into the human body which allows to have all the three major bodies physical, spiritual and mental in balance and unity. We Are God and can have everything just with a snap of our fingers. The shame, the quilt, the fear, the victimhood pattern and not having faith in ourselves prevents us from being what we truly are..God beings.
Oneness in Infinite Diversity
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Post by Sowelu on Dec 1, 2004 23:32:07 GMT -5
Yes, AgeA, which is exactly why EXpressing it, getting it up and out of us, is so important.
Thanks for the opportunity to springboard off your initial posts here. This thread is a beautiful display of how we trigger each other to grow past our limitations, if we dare remain open enough to do so. (((((Hugs)))))
Love,
Sowelu
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Post by AgeA on Dec 2, 2004 1:38:37 GMT -5
Thank you, Sowelu for posting here! I enjoy reading your responses a lot. Also, I am glad that my post was able to trigger and bring out all the feelings in many people on this board.
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[/glow]
Or was the choice made so long ago that there was no choice but to experience this "final" 3d embodiment?