Health scare

[Purplerose]

I don't even know how to start this. I just recently found out that I likely have a very serious health condition that could cause damage to some of my organs (if damage hasn't already been done). I don't know what caused it, when it started, or what the prognosis is. It is possible that I might have had the problem for many months, possibly years, without even knowing it. I am scared, but the emotions I am feeling are much more complex. I am worried more than I am scared. I'm worried about my job, the people I am responsible for, the people I cannot now be there for because I have to take care of myself now. I'm worried about their well-being, and feel guilty because they are going to be negatively impacted by my not being there for them. I am worried about getting into 'trouble' with my superiors because I can't handle my obligations right now. I'm worried about my finances, as I don't get paid for the hours I don't work, and I have no sick leave or disability benefits of any kind. I'm worried about everything coming down on me and not being able to handle it. And I worry that I'm more worried about my work than I am about my health, which should be top priority right now. Plus I'm angry that I can't break out of worrying about other people first when I know I need to be front and center.

I need a break from life right now so I can sort myself out, and I'm afraid I will not be able to even get that. Every time I feel my bodily pain, the worries start, and I get caught in an endless mental loop of worrying. I worry about my body, and then I worry about my work. On and on and on it goes, and I get so overwhelmed that I shut down and can't even complete my own thoughts.

I am so lost and I don't know the direction.

[LilliHart]

Hi PurpleRose
It's likely that you have gotten sick because you have put more out there than you have recieved or given back to youself. To shortcut a long metaphysical response to your situation that I am sure you are aware of, think of this:

If you pass, your people, any and all of them, will not have you around to help them. So the inner you, the greater you is calling you to pay attention to yourself now. They will all be fine and if they are not, maybe you don't need them in your life. The times they are a changin' and if you want to be around to see the new era, it's time to ante up to the plate and take care of yourself.

I'd be happy to help you as best I can from a health standpoint if you want to write to me privately. I don't come to EC often, but will leave this page up for a day or so to remind me to check my private messages. Please PM me and send your email address and I'll send you mine which will make it easier for me to see your posts than checking here frequently. I am a classical homeopath, and tho' not actively practicing any more still help people now and then and can also direct you to someone who can give you more personal care. I'm assuming you are interested in alternative methods, but if not, forgive my assumption. :0)

Hope to hear from you soon.
Love Lili

[Purplerose]

Hi Lilli,

Thank you for your kind words and offers for help. I will be PM'ing you after I post this.

I'm not so worried about work now, as I've been forced to acknowledge to them that I'm compromised health-wise and cannot fulfill my obligations at this time. So temporarily those responsibilities (I'm assuming) are being shifted to someone else indefinitely until I know what lies ahead of me. I'm taking it on a week-by-week, or day-by-day basis at the moment. I have enough saved to financially to take care of things for another two months, which is the length of time that I hope this issue will be resolved and I can be back to normal.

Unfortunately the condition seems to be worse than I feared, but I will not know for sure until probably this Friday. Waiting is very stressful, and I can't sleep at night now. There are so many possible outcomes, and the best one seems less likely as time goes by.

-PR

[LilliHart]

How are you doing PR? Give us an update on your condition. Love LILI

[Purplerose]

Hi Lilli,

So far, the only thing I know for sure is that there is a mass in my ovary, about the size of a golf ball. They don't know what it is yet, and at this point surgery is the only way to get a definitive diagnosis. Before going that route, however, I'll be going for another ultrasound in a month or so to see if this thing gets any bigger or smaller. So it will be a while longer that I'll have to go through this not knowing.

PR