Post by Purplerose on Jul 2, 2009 4:26:35 GMT -5
This board is ending, so I figured I should release something here, while I have the opportunity to do so.
I do feel a sadness at the ending, particularly as I remember many of you from when I first joined back in 2004. I left about a year later, and then came back about a year ago, although it seems much sooner than that. Something in me wonders why it didn't work out, although it wouldn't be fair to say it didn't. It served its purpose for a time, and that time was not meant to be forever.
I would be so bold as to say that people come on here because they are seeking or searching. That includes myself. I have, on a number of occasions, found my 'family', for a period of time. Eventually, the family disperses, and we are once again scattered and searching again. Some people reconnect along the path, while others go their separate ways never to meet again. I am struck with the temporariness of it all. Is anything ever permanent?
I think that is what I am searching for. Someone to share this journey with me, someone I can live my life with, grow old with, create children and family with, and rely on in tough times and good times. And yet, in spite of having a clear knowing of what I want, I keep getting presented with situations and opportunities that are contrary to those things. It feels like I am continually being tested, and I don't know whether the presented opportunities are supposed to make me firmer in my commitments to myself or relent and change the goals I hold dear.
I suppose it is strange for a gemini to crave permanence, but yes, I do want commitment. I feel like I deserve that, that I am worthy of that. I consider it a higher ideal to aspire to, a quality I value and admire in others when I see it in them. Commitment is the word that is coming to me strongly as I write this and speaks to what is supremely important to me at this time.
There is more I could say on this, but the lateness of the hour makes words difficult. For now, I think it's given me something to think about.
I do feel a sadness at the ending, particularly as I remember many of you from when I first joined back in 2004. I left about a year later, and then came back about a year ago, although it seems much sooner than that. Something in me wonders why it didn't work out, although it wouldn't be fair to say it didn't. It served its purpose for a time, and that time was not meant to be forever.
I would be so bold as to say that people come on here because they are seeking or searching. That includes myself. I have, on a number of occasions, found my 'family', for a period of time. Eventually, the family disperses, and we are once again scattered and searching again. Some people reconnect along the path, while others go their separate ways never to meet again. I am struck with the temporariness of it all. Is anything ever permanent?
I think that is what I am searching for. Someone to share this journey with me, someone I can live my life with, grow old with, create children and family with, and rely on in tough times and good times. And yet, in spite of having a clear knowing of what I want, I keep getting presented with situations and opportunities that are contrary to those things. It feels like I am continually being tested, and I don't know whether the presented opportunities are supposed to make me firmer in my commitments to myself or relent and change the goals I hold dear.
I suppose it is strange for a gemini to crave permanence, but yes, I do want commitment. I feel like I deserve that, that I am worthy of that. I consider it a higher ideal to aspire to, a quality I value and admire in others when I see it in them. Commitment is the word that is coming to me strongly as I write this and speaks to what is supremely important to me at this time.
There is more I could say on this, but the lateness of the hour makes words difficult. For now, I think it's given me something to think about.
