Post by ADMIN on Jun 12, 2004 10:43:18 GMT -5
[glow=red,2,300] Have you ever put your foot in your mouth while trying to say just the right thing? Have you felt like a klutz when someone was in need, ill or hurting? Have you stopped reaching out because you don't know what to do? In Isaiah 40:1 (KJV) God says, "Comfort ye, comfort ye my people." Yet we are fearful and ill equipped to provide comfort. I believe we are caring and compassionate people and that we desire to help but we need the tools, the words and the ways to reach out and comfort our friends and family as they face a crisis.
What to say and do when someone is hurting.
By Lauren Littauer Briggs
Author of The Art of Helping
There are no pat answers or eloquent words of wisdom than can ever change the circumstances or remove the hurt from your friend's life, but there are general concepts we need to understand which will guide us as the effective comforters God wants us to be. There are specific things that we can do to make a difference in the lives of those who hurt. Our friends need our compassion, love and support. The following chart provide specific Do's and Don'ts of effective comforting.
Do
Respond in a timely manner with a card, a call, or a visit.
Don't
Don't wait a long time before you make your initial contact.
One of the hardest parts of reaching out is the first contact. The longer we wait between when we first hear the news and when we respond, the more awkward it becomes. Prayerfully ask God's guidance for what you will say or what you will write in a card. Then, step out in faith and write, call, or visit your hurting friend. Once you've made contact, you'll find follow-up calls are much easier.
Do
Offer simple, understanding statements such as:
I feel for you during this difficult time.
This must be very hard for you.
I share your feelings of loss.
I wish I could take the hurt away.
Comments like these let people know you acknowledge their pain and it's okay for them to feel that way.
Don't
Don't try to minimize their pain with comments like:
It's probably for the best.
Things could be worse.
You're strong. You'll get over it soon.
You know God is in control.
Comments like these might be an attempt to offer hope; but to a hurting person, they sound as though you don’t comprehend the enormity of what happened.
The first thing we need to do is acknowledge that a crisis/loss has happened. Our comments will validate their feelings. When we minimize or trivialize their feelings, it indicates we don't understand the depths of their feelings or that we are not interested in how they feel.
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What to say and do when someone is hurting.
By Lauren Littauer Briggs
Author of The Art of Helping
There are no pat answers or eloquent words of wisdom than can ever change the circumstances or remove the hurt from your friend's life, but there are general concepts we need to understand which will guide us as the effective comforters God wants us to be. There are specific things that we can do to make a difference in the lives of those who hurt. Our friends need our compassion, love and support. The following chart provide specific Do's and Don'ts of effective comforting.
Do
Respond in a timely manner with a card, a call, or a visit.
Don't
Don't wait a long time before you make your initial contact.
One of the hardest parts of reaching out is the first contact. The longer we wait between when we first hear the news and when we respond, the more awkward it becomes. Prayerfully ask God's guidance for what you will say or what you will write in a card. Then, step out in faith and write, call, or visit your hurting friend. Once you've made contact, you'll find follow-up calls are much easier.
Do
Offer simple, understanding statements such as:
I feel for you during this difficult time.
This must be very hard for you.
I share your feelings of loss.
I wish I could take the hurt away.
Comments like these let people know you acknowledge their pain and it's okay for them to feel that way.
Don't
Don't try to minimize their pain with comments like:
It's probably for the best.
Things could be worse.
You're strong. You'll get over it soon.
You know God is in control.
Comments like these might be an attempt to offer hope; but to a hurting person, they sound as though you don’t comprehend the enormity of what happened.
The first thing we need to do is acknowledge that a crisis/loss has happened. Our comments will validate their feelings. When we minimize or trivialize their feelings, it indicates we don't understand the depths of their feelings or that we are not interested in how they feel.
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