Perfection rant!

[Sowelu]

*nod to Purplerose and Daniel Jacob (his recent "Some thoughts on Perfection" article) for the inspiration for this rant* I love you both!


I decided to rant here rather than respond in Purplerose's post because this is a rant. And not at her or against anyone, so it is not appropriate as a "response" to a person.

And it's my own opinion, not meant to cause anyone harm or cast aspersions anywhere.

You're damn fucking right I want perfection! Abso-fucking-lutely! Because I AM PERFECTION! All of us are!

We live in a world that has accepted and had patience with lies and mediocrity for way too fucking long! We are NOT poor or in financial difficulty, it just LOOKS THAT WAY HERE.

We are NOT poor in ANY way, but it LOOKS THAT WAY HERE.

We are NOT vulnerable, but we must pretend to accept that about ourselves AS IF it's the truth of us, when it is NOT! We are INVINCIBLE SPIRIT, ETERNAL and OMNIPOTENT and we've had to SETTLE for far, far, far less for far, far, far too fucking long.

And THAT is why we RAGE at our inadequacies. Because we KNOW they are not REAL! They are LIES about who we are! LIES. And we are FORCED to accept them as our truth in this fucked up world, because "that's the way it is here". BULLSHIT!

God-fucking-damn BULLSHIT!

THERE'S the rage, folks! THAT'S why we're so fucking ANGRY about our circumstances on this globe. We are NOT what we are forced to accept at every turn, and we KNOW it inside ourselves. But we also cannot seem to access the funding and resources within to MANIFEST OUR HEART'S DESIRES into this fucking world, and it ENRAGES US!

DAMN FUCKING STRAIGHT! Why the hell WOULDN'T it enrage us?!! We didn't come here to be like everybody else, goddammit, we came here to SHOW THE WAY.

And we're CAUGHT just like everyone is who comes here. And it's BEYOND FRUSTRATING! WAY, WAY, WAY beyond frustrating!

It's TIME. And we KNOW it. And we're STILL forced to accept LESS. And we don't WANT LESS! NONE OF US WANTS LESS.

We KNOW ... REAL love. REAL abundance. REAL cooperation. REAL truth. WE KNOW WHAT'S REAL. And this AIN'T IT, folks! And we're damn hard pressed to PRESENT THE WORLD WITH TRUTH WHEN WE CAN'T EVEN FIND OUR WAY OUT OF OUR OWN FUCKING LIMITATIONS OURSELVES! And we FEEL THE PRESSURE of that, all day every fucking day!

So we're HURT and PISSED and feeling ABANDONED BY OUR HEART OF TRUTH.

And it fucking SUCKS! Every goddamned day in every fucking way, it HURTS! And SUCKS! And it's all a LIE. And we KNOW IT!

But what the FUCK can we do about it? We have worked SO HARD for SO LONG to get this fucking train moving, and when we feel we're really close, what do we come up against? MORE LIMITATIONS AND LIES! The same fucking ones we worked through a million fuckiing times before, already, on this arduous, never-ending hellish fucking path we call a human life.


ARGH!


PERFECTION?! I will accept NOTHING LESS, thank you!

And I damn well expect it. I will rage every time it isn't revealed. You're damn fucking right I will!

THIS IS NOT THE TRUTH OF US. WE DESERVE THE TRUTH OF US. WE WORKED OUR ASSES OFF FOR THE TRUTH OF US TO BE MADE MANIFEST AND ACCEPTING LESS IS NOT AN OPTION!



With REAL love for SELF and ALL,
Sowelu

[Sowelu]

Incidentally, please feel free to ignore, add your own rant, comment in any way or whatever you please in this thread. All voices welcome, including none at all.

[Sowelu]

This post now is less of a rant and more of a description of the process that brought out the rant above.

I read Daniel Jaob's article (link posted at top of rant above) and pondered it for a while. A couple days, actually. I sat with it and wondered about my own experience with the idea of perfection all my life. I realized that I have always sought a level of life experience, a quality of life, that no one around me seemed to even aspire to, let alone work toward in any real way.

I sought a nobility of being that would be reflected in everything said, done and created. But I never saw it anywhere, even from my own self a lot, and it saddened me deeply but more... it angered me. Yet it also encouraged me to strive even more for an "excellence" I knew INSIDE, but never saw outside.

I was so often told that my aspirations for this level of being and expression that I yearned for and sought constantly was an egoic obsession with perfection. That I was a "perfectionist", and that it was a "bad thing" that needed to be healed. This too angered me. I knew something.... but I could never utter what it was that I knew, that lived deep inside me, about this idea of perfection.

These musings brought about memories of a phrase I heard so often in my life, that always perplexed me. People would see me living my life my way, albeit with much frustration most of the time, and in their difficulty in being comfortable with me in this constant state of striving for what isn't, they'd utter this phrase. They wanted to "fix" things for me to ease my apparent suffering or at least ease their own in watching me, and came up short, no doubt, and so the next thing they came to was blaming me for the shortcomings encountered, I guess.

The phrase is "Why can't you just _____?"

Always said in exasperation and frustration with me being a person in their midst who was dissatisfied with the status quo instead of being herded into acceptance of it.

So I pondered that "fact" of my human existence for a while, as well. Of so often being asked why I can't "just" accept and conform in some way, to some thing, in order to ease the discomfort all around. Well, I DO "accept" it... for others. But not for me. It is not acceptable for me, and that has never changed in all the years I've been here. I have a different standard for myself. And do you know why? Because I know who I truly am. Where I truly come from. What is possible, but for the limitations accepted here.

And then today I read Purplerose's post titled with that same word "perfection", and I yearned for a heart-based response. To finally, with all the love I know lives in me, respond effectively to her angst, frankly, because it is also my own. I love you, Purplerose, and indeed see my own beautiful self in your graceful beauty. And to see you hurting over this issue was moving for me, to say the least.

So I wanted, even just for my own self, to speak to this thing we call "perfection" in truth, finally. Not from an apologetic stance due to our plague of the ego, but from a real heart-based place, borne of real love that is what we're made of, and what moves us even when we can't identify it as such.

And so I sat to write about it, for myself. And what arose was far short of this noble, elevated feeling that lives in my heart. I wanted to respond from the inherent nobility that is Who We Truly Are, and what I got instead was the half-baked mental musings of a limited human being pleading with her greater self for a drop of her own birthright, pretty please with a cherry on top? Please?

And that angered me. It angered me SO much, that I simply had to express the anger. So I spewed to the air, as I'm wont to do most days, but it wasn't enough. I wanted it VISIBLE. I wanted a REAL response to a FALSE situation to be CLEARLY VISIBLE somehow. So I "dared" to rant as you see above.

...

Now... the truth is that whenever I dare do such a thing in a public venue, I feel a wee bit of remorse afterward. Afer all, the rant is vulgar, in truth, no? It has a violence to it, as well. It's... unpleasant to say the least, in some ways.

And yet... it was thrilling to express. It felt liberating. As raw and real as it got, I felt alive in expressing it. I am that fire. I am so much more too, but I claim that fire as a viable part of Who I Truly Am.

I am a volcano, yes. And a tornado and a tsunami and a hurricane and an earthquake and so many other "natural forces" that appear to be violent but work to bring about change.

And then it occurred to me that as much as I want to be the peaceful, beautiful, loving light I know I already am... I cannot do that if I choose to deny the rest of my power. And I want other people to know this for themselves too. I want people to understand that what happens outside, the ugly that occurs outside them, is because so few of us are willing to claim that ugly inside... own it and love it. Each denial of forces that look and feel like the above rant produces that kind of "ugliness" in a disconnected, destructive way "out there, somewhere". As destructive weather patterns, wars fought in the name of "freedom" or "peace"... you know what I mean.

So it turned out that what I wanted to reveal through an expression of Self in the face of this negative take on the concept of perfection, was a revelation of truth. LIGHT shed on dakness. From my heart of hearts. And I got it, frankly.

What happened... is that, actually. That rant is adoring love too. That "ugly" is as "Godlike" as a beautiful rainbow after a storm. But the storm counts too.

To me, PERFECTION is the state of reality where the OUTER is a TRUE REFLECTION of the INNER of Self. And people... we are all of it.

So maybe.... until we're willing to outwardly dare to express "the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth" so help us... we will have to "suffer" the truth in acts against the self at a personal level. I don't really know.

I don't think outward violence and ugliness is needed... at least, not at targets like people and things. But ownership of the "dark of us" that continually gets repressed as "not me", and expression of it - if only in the privacy of our own personal spaces - might indeed be needed.


Anyway... there's so much more but this is becoming a book already, so I'll stop here.


(I noticed that because of the way I rearranged the boards, this rant may well go unnoticed here because it's practically buried... and that just seems appropriate, I guess. So I'll leave it all like this. Those who need to find it, will, and those who don't likely won't even realize it exists here.)

Thanks for reading, for those who have...

Much love for us all,
Sowelu

[Purplerose]

"And then it occurred to me that as much as I want to be the peaceful, beautiful, loving light I know I already am... I cannot do that if I choose to deny the rest of my power. "

This reminds me of our earlier discussions. I hope this thread doesn't go unnoticed because there is so much to be learned here.

There's more to say, but it's hard to articulate my thoughts now, so will have to defer to when my brain clears

Love you Sowelu, it is wonderful to see you embrace and live all of your glory, and yes, your perfection, all of it.

[Sowelu]

[Sowelu]

After all this talk of perfection I wondered at the source or original intent of the word "perfect" itself. I tend to naturally use words in their original meanings, without needing to look them up or even without having ever "learned" them. I noticed this many years ago, this natural inclination that I couldn't explain.

So I decided to check the etymology of the word "perfect" and when I saw it, I realized once again that there is a root intent behind the word itself that fits my feeling, and it's at least in part why it's been important not to let go the desire for perfection:

perfect (adj.)
c.1225 (implied in perfectiun), from O.Fr. parfit (11c.), from L. perfectus "completed," pp. of perficere "accomplish, finish, complete," from per- "completely" + facere "to perform" (see factitious). Often used in Eng. as an intensive (perfect stranger, etc.). The verb meaning "to bring to full development" is recorded from 1398. Perfectionist is 1657, originally theological, "one who believes moral perfection may be attained in earthly existence;" sense of "one only satisfied with the highest standards" is from 1934.

Found here

It's never clear to me if others feel things as I do, so I'll express this as best I can...

What I feel inside -- about life and self and all of it -- is never found manifest quite right outside me. There is always a distortion, a slighting of the original intent, a "bent" or a bias, a "near miss" effect, that takes away from the whole sense I have inside... when it finally makes it's way to the outer. Whatever it is! A feeling, a thought, a design idea, anything. This has always been a frustration to me. Always brings up a sadness.

So for me... "perfection" is that state of realized form... where the inner is truly reflected, wholly, in the outer. Without distortion, without bent or bias, without slight, without compromising the purity of the original intent.

I ache for it, frankly.

Indeed, a now deceased member of ours, Monica, once asked me what my purpose on this earth was, and the answer that flowed without hesitation for me was "completion". And "Sowelu" means "bringing wholeness into form... to become in actuality what, by nature, you already are."

So there you go.

Thanks again, Purplerose, for being wonderful you.

[camil]

I have actually thought a lot over the years about perfection and spirituality... Yes, I agree that we are completely perfect as we are, but I have many times come across especially channeled information that gives me the impression that in order to be "perfect" we have to be all light, let go of all negativity... often I have felt that I can indeed let go of negativity but not by denying it... This is again the shadow part that needs full acceptance, so I get these mixed feelings about channelings that focus only on the light aspect and how we are descending/ascending ( a matter of how you look at it) and need to control our thoughts to get us where we want to be. What is up with the control? why can't we just be who we are instead of thinking about any kind of control and any kind of doing the right thing?

[Sowelu]

Amen, camil!!! (((hugs!)))

[LilliHart]

OMG Sowelu, YOU CURSED! YES, YOU cursed. HAHAHAHA! See me standing here clapping and jumping up and down like a jiggling, chubby almost 60 year old fool.

I truly believe that we have to put a little bit of the criminal in all things we do to keep the balance. I get pretty damned tired of having to deny myself all the time too in the name of 'fitting in' or managing life in 3D. But that's a big part of why we are here, or maybe the only reason.

For so long I believed I came here to show the way, and now I don't believe that anymore. I came here to find the way...the way back to me and my perfection. I came to learn to manage manifestation and energy in matter. There is no other reason to be on earth in 3D. My opinion of course.

If what I do on my journey inspires others to help find their way, then that's great, but I no longer want to show the way. For one thing, I obviously don't know the way and for a second thing, why would anyone want to discover me following MY way rather than discovering their own WAY?

Bringing together the forces of darkness and light and allowing them to fully manifest in self is not a recipe for popularity. As a matter of fact it is a recipe for ostracism and for being repudiated. The hardest part is remembering not to repudiate self. I do it all the time. I seek perfectionism in a place where it doesn't exist, in 3D. It is not meant to and discovering this is part of utilizing the 'cosmic relief package' sent to keep us from shrivelling into emaciated mud pits.

I have always sought perfecitonism when I really meant I wanted self acceptance, but I couldn't admit it because my ego was in the way convincing me I was already pefect. The 'I am' is already perfect but the 'little I' here in 3D is busy making mud pies and finding ways to seduce myself to keep from collapsing into boredom. It's kind of a 'perfectus interuptus'. Keeps me interested in staying here.

Allowing the expansion of all that swarms inside to come out helps keep the balance balancing on the head of a fulcrum allowing me to get my exercise in keeping me balanced. When I fall off the beam I loose site of ME and start loosing my ability to be creative, lose my mojo for desire, avoid seeking determination, and overall forget where the hell I am...in 3D. I confuse my inner, cosmic, all-powerful perfect play thing with the need to push and shove my 3D self into a square hole because that is the perfect shape of a hash brownie or those little wooden alphabet blocks we used to play with as kids.

My dark side has seen lots of light lately and you'll never have to cheer me on for saying fuck or any of the other favorite four letter words I have sealed into my tongue. The only place I've been able to find the peace of perfection is nowhere on earth. Sigh...

I'm meandering. Thanks Sowelu for stimulating the gray matter. My mission here too, is a return to the wholeness of self and nothing more. I am my own guided light sentinel, my own watch dog and I just forget that all the time. Thank god for my imperfect friends like you girlfriend. I am so happy to know you know how to curse. LOL

Hugs
Lili

[LilliHart]

And you knew that we would find your post here, buried. You silly girl.

[Sowelu]

It's funny this post is getting resurrected... it's a year and a half old! ROFL! I still yearn for and seek perfection in the sense I meant it initially, which is that wholeness of self, the inner and the outer being ONE without unaccounted for discrepancies... though it may never happen at this rate. And yes, I STILL curse my head off when needed. I just rarely do it in public. LOL!

Like you, Lili, I feel it's important to honor ALL of me, which aside from an angel, royalty, God itself, all natural fauna and flora... includes truck drivers, boxers, criminals on death row, drunken sailors on binges, gangsters and every other manner of human expression. *heehee* So yeah... I'm all that and then some. Denying any part is just too painful for me, frankly.

I love you, girl!
Sowelu

[LilliHart]

HAHA! Serves me right for not reading the date. But I guess it showed up when it was needed...duh!

[Sowelu]

No worries! Our new member camil discovered it after registering and posted a comment to which I recently replied... so it was back in the "active" realm anyway, Lili. (((Hugs))) Which likely means it IS "timely" (Having created it over a year and half ago just means I'm naturally ahead of my time, doncha know LOL!)

[A.H.]

this conversation makes me think of a quote i ran across recently.

"I do not seek to follow in the footsteps of the men of old; I seek what they sought." ~Haiku poet Basho~

here's to finding the way.

"cheers"