Post by Purplerose on Aug 21, 2008 23:08:44 GMT -5
I did a very very very very very very very very very very very very difficult thing today.
I told my boss about my financial troubles. The scary thing is he knew something was going on with me re: my recent uptightness around things involving money, and probably just my general uptightness period. He was glad that I told him about it, and reassurred me that he would try to find a solution that would work out for both me and the organization.
The particulars are not important. The end result is that this was an unexplainably difficult thing for me to do, to reveal to my boss - the person whose opinion of my professionalism is of upmost importance - my private vulnerabilities (and in my eyes, failings and imperfections). It was so hard, I almost cried when I admitted this to him on the phone. I get teary-eyed even now when I think about it.
It is so hard to show weakness. I need to be perfect, particularly in my working life. I can't tolerate people finding fault with me. I guess I don't take criticism well. It triggers me too much. And yet, despite all my efforts to maintain my mask of perfection, they knew anyway. They knew something was wrong. And I just hate it. Even though it is a bit of a relief, even though he was understanding, I hate that mask being taken down. I feel so uncomfortable right now.
I told my boss about my financial troubles. The scary thing is he knew something was going on with me re: my recent uptightness around things involving money, and probably just my general uptightness period. He was glad that I told him about it, and reassurred me that he would try to find a solution that would work out for both me and the organization.
The particulars are not important. The end result is that this was an unexplainably difficult thing for me to do, to reveal to my boss - the person whose opinion of my professionalism is of upmost importance - my private vulnerabilities (and in my eyes, failings and imperfections). It was so hard, I almost cried when I admitted this to him on the phone. I get teary-eyed even now when I think about it.
It is so hard to show weakness. I need to be perfect, particularly in my working life. I can't tolerate people finding fault with me. I guess I don't take criticism well. It triggers me too much. And yet, despite all my efforts to maintain my mask of perfection, they knew anyway. They knew something was wrong. And I just hate it. Even though it is a bit of a relief, even though he was understanding, I hate that mask being taken down. I feel so uncomfortable right now.
