Fourth Density Relationships - Germane

[Sowelu]

Fourth-Density Relationships

Germane: Greetings to everyone. This is Germane. We'd like to thank you all for coming this night. The title of session is "Fourth-Density Relationships". We would like to encourage you to feel free to ask any questions that are on your mind on the topic.

We are going to start out by talking about the transformation from third to fourth density. As you've heard us say many times, one of the characteristics of third density is separation¾whether it be separation from the God source, from each other, or separating aspects of yourselves within yourselves.

This idea of separation has been necessary in third density to keep you in the third density experience. We are not saying in any way, shape or form, that the separation that you have been a part of on your world for the last several thousand years is in any way wrong, bad, negative. It is part of the experience that you have all chosen.

As you are moving from the 3D into the 4D reality, one of the main qualities of fourth density reality is integration, or reintegration. Therefore, the laws or premises that you have in 3D reality (based on separation) can no longer operate successfully in 4D. If you attempt to carry the premises and beliefs of separation into a 4D reality and refuse to let them go, you can literally tear yourself apart emotionally.

A lot of what many of you are feeling in your own growth (whether it be relationships with lovers, family, friends or yourself) is almost a sense of urgency about letting go of certain things that have been carried for quite some time. This feeling of urgency has to do with the idea, literally, that you are moving from one vibrational reality to another. The set of beliefs and premises that were operating in one reality cannot be sustained in the next. So you are feeling that desire to shift beliefs, to shift premises, and therefore shift the way you live. To some degree it is as if someone has handed you a tangled ball of yarn. There it is in your lap, you don't know where to start to untangle it. The only thing you can do is start where the easiest place is to start.

3D Relationships

Bringing this into the topic of relationships, the premises and beliefs of 3D (separation) were necessary to maintain 3D relationships. Let us share with you some of these principles. Principles based on separation can be as follows:

Secrecy. This has been a big one in your society. Secrecy is withholding information from your partner or from yourself. Secrecy does not just operate on the level of your interactions with others; secrecy keep you separated from the greater portion of yourself, as well. The idea of secrecy has been very important to maintain relationships in 3D reality, because it is an expression of separation.

Fear-based Monogamy. Another expression of separation is the expression of what you would call monogamy -- fear-based monogamy. We are not talking about monogamy by choice, we are talking about monogamy through fear. That has been an expression based on separation. The premise basically is that if you can get someone to commit to you, then you thus take yourself out of the flow of having to deal with relationships and you are safe. You are separate from the rest of the world. Separate and safe. This is monogamy based on fear.

Conditional Love. Conditional love has been an expression which has been very vital to maintaining 3D-type relationships. Conditional love means that you will love someone only if they fulfill your needs or conditions that you set out. If they do not fill this, you will withdraw your love. There has been a noncomprehension in 3D reality of the meaning of unconditional love. When you are dealing from a separative framework, the only way you can view everything else is through that framework of separation. And so love therefore (the old definition of love in 3D) is love based on conditions.

Expectation. This means that you go into a relationship with someone with expectations in your mind that maybe you are not even aware of. If you are aware of these expectations, you attempt to get the other person to fulfill those expectations. Again, the person is used to satisfy the need of the person seeking the relationship.

Manipulation. This is another quality often inherent in 3D relationships. This can be very covert. It is overt in some cases, as well. However, in the classic 3D relationship there can be very deep-seated manipulation plays being done so that each person will get their needs fulfilled or will be protected from their fears. So often the idea of manipulation is carried out to protect you from your own fears. If you manipulate the other person, you can thus not feel your fear.

The Need to Control is also a quality inherent in very solidly anchored 3D relationships. This is a mistrust in reality -- that everything is happening the way it needs to be, or for your greater good. The need to control says you do not accept that idea. You thus must instead shape the relationship, force it, mold it, because you do not trust it will be what it needs to be by itself.

We will stop here because there is literally a lot more we can say on this. It will come out later in the session. Let us go to the 4D idea.

4D Relationships

Since 4D is based on integration or reintegration, the characteristics that were once status quo in 3D relationships can no longer be sustained in 4D. Literally, the vibration cannot sustain separative ideas. Qualities inherent in 4D relationships would be:

Honesty (Non-Secrecy). The couple or the unit must have, at all costs, honesty instead of secrecy. This means if you see in your friend or partner that they are doing something that is sabotaging to themselves or to the relationship that you speak that observation instead of withholding it (so you do not hurt the person's feelings), or so that you can continue to control them being in the relationship. Literally we are talking about polar opposites here.

3D is Secrecy, 4D is honesty. We cannot stress to you enough how important honesty is in a 4D relationship. If there is no honesty, there cannot be a continuation of that relationship in the 4D model. It is that crucial.

When we say honesty, we are also talking about honesty with the self. Many of you will at times keep things from yourself to keep you feeling safe. Within a 4D reality, it is very difficult to keep things from the self. You may wake up one morning, and you may suddenly realize that the relationship you are in no longer serves you. That must be recognized for the flow to continue. We are in no way saying, "You need to adopt these characteristics now!" Not at all. You will do this naturally. However, in this transition period now between 3D and 4D, you are being hit with qualities from both. As this happens, you will need to make some choices about how you wish to continue in your relationships.

We will state that if you choose the integrative model (the 4D model) and you truly become that idea (not try to become it) you will not feel the pain of loss in any situation, in any relationship. You will only feel pain or loss if you are either in the 3D relationship, or deluding yourself into thinking you are in a 4D relationship. That will be when the pain of loss comes up.

Again, we do want to stress to all of you that we are not saying you must do this, and you must move into 4D relationships. Not at all. You have choices. You can make the choices. It is entirely up to you. However, we want to help illustrate for you the package deal you may be signing up for if you make certain choices. It is a package deal.

If you make a choice based on separation (a 3D model), and then expect to live in a 4D relationship, it is not going to happen. Recognize where your choices are based. Make your continuing choices from there.

Let us go back to the qualities of 3D and 4D relationships. 3D relationships are based on secrecy and 4D on honesty; 3D based on conditional love and 4D based on unconditional love. Every being has the capability of experiencing more unconditional love than they ever have from moment to moment. There is never a limit to unconditional love. From this point, your experience of love has been 3D. Literally, you will need to build your own definitions of unconditional love because it can only be conceived of by experiencing it. We know you've heard definitions. We know that all of you can come up with definitions. But those definitions are partially intellectual. They are not yet 100% brought down to the emotions.

Unconditional love is another vital part of 4D relationships. That means loving someone with no conditions. If they don't fulfill your needs, you still love them. If they do not carry out your expectations, you still love them. You love them for being who they are without attempting to change them. It is an in-the-moment type of experience, whereas conditional love is always based on the past or future, not in the present. Unconditional love is based in the present.

Absolute Trust. This is the opposite of the 3D quality of the Need to Control. There is no need or desire to control. It is not as if you must get up each day and say, "I must trust today." It is a beingness. When you wake up each day you are not worried about keeping your spirit in your body. You don't focus on that. It just happens. So, 4D is like that. The trust is there, it just happens. Control vs. trust.

Allowingness. This is the opposite of manipulation. Allow. Allow the other person to be who they need to be. Because only then will you truly see, in fact, who they are. If you attempt to manipulate them, you never see who they really are. You see who you need them to be.

Relationships by Choice. This is the opposite of Monogamy from Fear. This means that if you want monogamy, it is by conscious choice. If you want polygamy or polyfidelity, it is by conscious choice.

It is perfectly acceptable for you to choose any of these things. All of these things are inherently neutral. They do not have a built in meaning. You ascribe them meaning by judgment. One is "better," one is "worse." All of these choices are neutral, any that you choose can work for you. However, if your conscious choice is to move into a 4D type relationship, you will not be able to do that if you keep holding on to any of the premises from 3D. They will need to be shifted and rearranged.

As you shift from a 3D to a 4D perspective, many people will in fact experience fear. Literally you are going through uncharted territory. You can't see necessarily what is over the next ridge. So it is frightening for a lot of people. That is perfectly fine. But if it is something you really want to pursue, let that fear be okay. When you come out on the other side of the ridge, you are going to realize that you identity is not based on another person. Your identity is based on you. You are the only one with whom you can rely on. You will feel that power, that clarity, and that liberation and release that comes form recognizing your own power.

It is really interesting, because in 3D type relationships (separation), you have the illusion of separation, but yet you create things that remind you that you are still all connected. For instance, humans use enmeshment in 3D to remind yourself you are still connected. However, the way you've interpreted the idea of connectedness has come out in a way that is detrimental to you rather than supportive. Enmeshment is the 3D version of connectedness in 4D. It really is a matter of the way you look at it.

When you feel enmeshed with another person in your life and it hurts, stop for a minute. Take some deep breaths. Remind yourself that the enmeshment is there to remind you that you are never separate from the other person ultimately. Separation is an illusion. No matter how far away you go, you are not separate from the person. If you can begin to emotionally heal the fear that you will no longer be with a person, you are going to start to feel the sense of connectedness that will then replace the 3D enmeshment idea. You will no longer need to create fear through enmeshment. You will thus create connectedness through your expressions in all of your relationships.

Many of the dysfunctional symptoms in 3D are your way of reminding yourself of some of the qualities of 4D relationships. But they are translated through the veil of separation. So they come out a little askew. However, they are there as reminders and tools. They are there to help you ease the pain in your interactions with others.

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[Sowelu]

Comments or questions?

What is the energy standpoint from 3D and 4D? We know that integration is occurring on all levels. Seams are coming apart, and other things are forming. We are going to be seeing changes. What do you foresee?

For one thing, these things started in the 1960s of your time. You started to feel the shift of 3D to 4D in terms of the expressions of your relationships, but you haven't known what was happening. You haven't known that you could go with the energy and heal it. Instead, you've tried to resist the change as a mass consciousness. You've seen the great rise in divorce since the '60s. Much of this is the resistance of the change until there is a snapping point.

Divorce is a 3D solution. Breaking. Separation. Divorce is the idea of separating oneself to artificially create the illusion that you are not connected to that person. The 4D version of "divorce" will be the recognition of two people that the relationship is going in a different direction, and that is allowed. There is no separation, because you can never be separate. You allow the other person to move in that direction.

Energetically, you are finding that everyone is touched by these energies. Each person is reacting to them in the only way they know how. Some people are denying them. Some people are swinging the pendulum in the opposite direction. Some people are polarizing. Some people are going with the flow. But you are going to find that this issue is not going to go away. It is going to challenge you, and challenge you, and challenge you until you can come face to face with your own feelings of inadequacy and aloneness and how you have sought relationships to fill that gap.

Energetically you will create less disharmony if you move with it. If you create resistance, you will create more discomfort and pain.

When I talk about these ideas regarding relationships with others, they think all it has to do with is sex. No one seems to really get the point.

The buttons are pushed on sex because individuals will frequently ascribe another reason to something as a distraction so they do not have to look at the pain. Sex, being that it is an expression of vulnerability, pushes people's buttons because they do not want to be vulnerable. If they are vulnerable, they believe, they are weak and open to attack. That, at all costs, is to be avoided in their belief. So, they will blame sex. It is not the issue, and never has been. It is a symptom. Your points of view as a society on sex are symptoms of the greater dysfunction. They have nothing to do with the problem.

Energetically you are going to find that as this change occurs, first and foremost internally you are all going to go through changes. It may first manifest outside of you. You may think it is a problem with your relationship. It is not. It is your change inside that you are seeing reflected in your relationship. Always, first level, is inside of you. If you are resisting change, you are going to start feeling pain, confusion, maybe even manifest all sorts of physical symptoms. This will happen if you are not willing to move with the changes that are occurring inside of you and in the mass consciousness. If you are willing to move with it, then you are going to start to see that maybe you will get more emotional for a while, let some things out, then your relationships are going to start to change. Change does not mean they will end. Change does not mean destroy or divorce. Change means change, and that is all change means.

You can then move with these changes and if there is a partner in your life, you can seek to help them move through changes at the same time as you do. Trust that the two of you are on the same path, no matter what choice happens.

We understand that many people in your society base personal satisfaction or success on how their relationhips are going in their life. That method of gauging can no longer to continue to exist. It is an artificial construct that is giving you artificial data generated by you so you don't have to face your fears. That was a tool in 3D. In 4D, it is going to be very different. You will see that if you resist claiming your own power, you will continually seek relationships to validate your own being. If relationships continue not to work and have conflict all the time, the reason for that is that you are still using the relationship to make you feel better. That cannot occur in a 4D type relationship.

You indicated that the new relationships are by conscious choice. All the other issues that you've touched seem to be mutually accepting issues that people can accept totally on their own and then share the fruits of those with another person. That one seems to imply some sort of conditional acceptance by both people of a mode to indicate a relationship in 4D.

No. If we have explained it incorrectly, we apologize. Let us give you an example of conscious choice. Let us say that you are in a relationship with a man (or woman) in 4D. Here is an example of what we are not talking about. You say to the person, "I want a monogamous (or polygamous, whatever) relationship, and I will continue this relationship with you only if you agree to that." No. The choices are entirely for you. If you choose monogamy, then it is only you who chooses not to have sex with others. You don't require the other person to make the same choice. The choices are all for you. They have nothing to do with the other person. If you choose to be non-monogamous, then that choice is for you. Your mate can do whatever they want. You only make the choices for you and no one else. You do not demand that the other person reciprocate. That is what we meant by conscious choice.

In 4D you are acting in the moment. So you are trying to act on your excitement. How do you act on your excitement and include future commitments? One could decide they want to conceive a child because that is their excitement in the moment. But that excitement includes a tremendous commitment with it over time.

In 4D type relationships, the idea of commitment does not exist. Commitment takes yourself out of the moment. If you stay totally in the moment you are thinking of having a child, all of the principles we've outlined for 4D come into play. Meaning¾absolute trust. You do not have to plan for the future. It is trust. Do you understand?

So the idea of commitment is a 3D illusion. What does it really mean? How many people make commitments and they are not followed through? A commitment never insures your security. It placates you into thinking you are secure. That is the difference.

In a 4D type relationship, with trust instead of control, allowance instead of manipulation, there is no concern for the future because there is a knowingness that it will all take care of itself. If you have a 4D woman who wants to have a child, she will not have the child based on the hope or desire that the father will be there. That brings him in to something that is entirely her creation. That idea cannot exist in a 4D reality. Therefore, if a 4D woman wants to have a child, she has the child because she wants the child. Because she wants the child, there is absolute trust and allowance that everything will be perfectly fine. If the woman is Pleiadian, this is reflected in their society's philosophy. They are all part of the same family anyway. It is different from what you see here, although your society will change. Pay attention to when you take yourself out of the moment.

So, if it is your excitement in the moment to conceive a child (and your true excitement, not a compulsion), then in 4D thinking you would have absolute trust that everything from there on out would work fine because you followed your excitement in the moment.

Absolutely! If you continued to follow your excitement all the time from moment to moment, there is no reason to think you could ever not trust.

So you wouldn't think that tomorrow it may not be my excitement to have this child. You would just trust.

Exactly. If you are in the moment -- totally and absolutely -- then after the baby is born, each day, in the moment, there is that child. In the moment, you can love it. In the moment, whatever is there in your reality you recognize as a part of your creation and who you are. There will never be a time where you will say, "Oh, I made a mistake in having this child." Never.

Okay. And also there is an inherent love for your creation, and therefore always an excitement for your creation? It is just a matter of recognizing always in the moment that it is your creation. Not just a child, but any reality that you create.

Yes. One of the reasons why you've had difficulty owning your creations is because you are not in the moment¾you are in the past or the future. It is very hard to see what it is you've created when you are not in the present. If you are totally 100% in the present, you clearly and consciously can own every creation that you've ever had. Very simple. No effort.

In 3D we've been living in polarities and extremes. As near as I can see those extremes have led us into addictions and dependency. The dependency we feel is that we want someone to fulfill our needs. Therefore, we become dependent on the other person. Then in 4D, is all dependency gone?

Yes. Dependency cannot exist in 4D because 4D is integration and not separation. Dependency is a quality of separation -- depending on something outside of you. In 4D, there is a recognition of yourself as the creator, and so when that recognition is there, you cannot put that outside of yourself. It is an equation that doesn't work.

I'll have to state the analogy and then find the question. We stuff our issues in a box and seal the box with a lid called "sex." This is why the issue of sex frequently brings up our issues. Because we open the box and have to lift the lid, so all the issue come crawling out. Is there a way to get at the issues without using sex to trigger them?

Sex is only one symptom. Recognize that there are many lids that cover that box. Sex is just one of those lids. Each person will be able to get at those issues through whatever lid they have that triggers it. For some people it is sex. For others it is money. Some people's issues are not triggered by sex. For others, sex is a really good trigger. It really depends on the individual.

I always find myself not making certain choices because I am sensitive to others. I would rather not cause problems for them. I don't want to hurt other people.

This is a very good question. You have voiced the mass consciousness here. One of the greatest gifts that you can give the people in your life is being 100% you. This means that you be absolutely honest in all interactions and not take responsibility for their pain. We know this is a big one for most people on your world. You cannot ever be responsible for other people's pain.

Some of you have walked down the street and you've seen your friend. You say, "Oh, you got a haircut. It looks nice."

The friend then freaks out and think you are patronizing them. You've all had experiences like this where you've been totally misunderstood. You must, at all costs, express yourself while not taking responsibility for the reaction. You can say nice things all the time, and still push people's buttons.

That is what I've been finding out. I've finally been making choices for myself, and people have been getting upset. But I still want these people as friends.

You cannot sacrifice your own growth and the growth of others for a relationship based on illusion.

Well, most of these people have been part time meta-fizzlers. They like the concepts, but they don't want to apply them in their lives.

Good term. We might borrow that one. This is another one of those topics where we can't stress enough to you that the greatest service you can provide to your neighbor is being fully who you are. Let us give you an example using a fictional model. Let's say that a woman is afraid of heights. And let's say that she came into this life for resolve a lifetime where she jumped off a cliff.

Let us also say that her husband recognizes that she is afraid of heights. So he makes sure she never is around anything high. How is she easily going to be able to face what she came here to face if the husband keeps steering her away from the heights? It makes it more difficult. It prolongs the pain.

If, in the husband's excitement he says, "I want to go hot air ballooning. Do you want to come with me?" She may just say yes because she recognizes it is something to move through. She cannot do that unless the husband gives her the opportunity to face those issues.

This is what we mean by enmeshment. You've lost the boundaries between you and other people. You try to protect other people. But in reality, you are really only trying to protect yourself from their anger, disapproval or invalidation. So the husband thinks he is protecting his wife from her fear. What he is really doing is protecting himself from being witness to her pain, or from guilt that maybe he caused her pain. He is protecting himself. At the same time, he is enabling the wife to continue being afraid and avoid her fears, when that is what she came here to face! The biggest gift you can give anyone in your life is to be fully 100% who you are. It is then that each person will be challenged. It is then that each person can take responsibility for their lives, fears, and emotions. Those emotions and reactions are never caused by someone else. They all come from you. The greatest gift you can give in a relationship is to not hold back who you really are.

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[Sowelu]

That is one of my button-pushers here. I don't think you have the right to emotionally hurt another person. If they don't ask you to be completely honest and hurt them, why do you have the right to hurt them?

There is a big difference between deliberately hurting someone and being who you know yourself to be. If the husband dragged the wife to the top of the cliff and forced her to look over the edge, that is deliberately hurting her. Being who he is naturally is not hurting her. If she chooses to be hurt, it is her choice. But there are no victims. There cannot ever be victims.

If you ever believe in any instant that someone else can hurt another person, then you polarize between victims and hurters. That is then the way you will see the universe. There is a big difference between deliberately hurting someone and being fully who you know yourself to be.

You may not ever know what will hurt your mate. In your innocence and excitement, you may take her to one of those cliffs not knowing about that fear. How can you protect yourself from doing that? You can't. The outcome is the same. The only thing you can be is fully who you are. That is empowerment. That is disengaging yourself from the covert connections you have with people, and recognizing the greater spiritual connections that you all have that you have always had. You can never hurt another person. Never!

If you are not being your 100% natural self, then you are manipulating people around you. I don't see there is an exception to that.

I've examined times in my communications with others where I've "softened the blow." My partner and I have thought that our excitement would be too much for the other person. In second guessing what the other person's reaction would be and then altering our natural self expression, we've always screwed up the communication.

You compromise your integrity when you withhold. If you do not express who you are, you are lying. You are lying to yourself. You are lying to the other person. That is an even greater hurt than the truth. Then they only know you through your lies. They do not know who you are. They cannot ever love you for who you are, because they don't know who you are.

Withholding your excitement for fear of hurting another is a 3D idea. You cannot carry this into 4D if you want to truly express who you are. If you look at a Pleiadian, they would never be hurt by the comment of another. This is because they recognize that they create all comments that happen. They are the ones generating their reality. They cannot be victim of hurt.

If you are continually protected from the anger of another (just like if you are continually protected from the cold), someday you are going to have to go outside and because you've never felt the cold, it is going to be devastating to you.

It is, in one way, honorable that you care about the feelings of another. But in one way, it is also insulting. This is because you do not allow them to ever fully be who they are. You protect them from the things that you fear, not necessarily the things they fear. This is a no win situation.

What if you find yourself wanting to express following your excitement 100%, and yet you find that others are telling you that it would hurt them? How do you deal with those situations in the transition we are in now between 3D and 4D?

At the risk of sounding really rude, to hell with what the others think. You may tell others that you understand what they are saying, but to hold it in would eat you up inside. Be truthful. To hold this in will be lying to the other person. You can tell them that. If they don't agree with you, that is their choice. But we don't believe that most of you really know what happens to you inside when you hold back truth.

When you hold back that which you are, it submerges itself. It buries itself into your cells. It starts building painful toxins first on the emotional level, and then actually on the physical level. If you do not express who you are 100%, you must store those judgments of who you are inside of you. Those judgments eat you up. Cancer, heart disease, and all of those lovely things you have on your planet are a result of your own judgment that you are not worthy to be fully who you know yourself to be. You stuff it. The more you stuff it, the more diseased you get. Literally. Stuffing these things can cause tremendous pain throughout your life. Releasing these things will cause ecstasy.

You can retrain yourself to know who you are and the first step is that in a confrontive situation, first think what it is you want to say. Let yourself think it first. Many of you don't let yourself think about what you really want to say. You stuff it before you can really cognize the idea. Write it down. Say it into a tape recorder. Get comfortable with who you are. This will naturally teach you to express yourself without the heavy judgment you've had in the past. But if you are not even allowing yourself to think these thoughts, you are not going to be able to train yourself to speak them. You won't know what the thoughts are. Let it be okay to start thinking them. Write them down. Externalize them. Get them outside of your energy field so they don't lodge in your energy body. You are all divine portions of the creator. Your design is built to 100% every moment channel the energy of All That Is. All That Is is neutral. All That Is is neither positive nor negative. It is stasis, balance.

When you deny and shut off any part of yourself, you shut off the very foundation of the energy of your creation. You judge that only parts of you are worthy and the other parts are not. It throws you into disharmony. Therefore all of your relationships to some degree have disharmony -- reflecting that which you feel within. You cannot withhold any portion of you.

You will be able to learn to tell when what you have to say is balanced an integrated compared to when what you have to say is an attack or is a manipulation. You will learn how to tell the difference. The more you practice, the more you will be able to tell. If you feel you want to take gradual steps into this idea of expressing who you are, then before you express get yourself centered and feel if what you have to say is balanced and integrated or do you have a desire to be fulfilled by your expression to that person. If you do (to get them to do something, for instance), then there is a hidden motivation and the expression may not be clean. But by all means at least express it to yourself. Know who you are. Listen to your thoughts and feelings. Get out that pent-up energy. Your relationships are going to blossom and change when you stop taking responsibility for the other person's reaction.

Before you express something, ask yourself what desire you have in the expression. Sometimes you may find that the desire is to change the other person. That is not a clean idea. Sometimes you can see that. Other times you cannot. There are times when you cannot see it, times when you say to yourself, "It is clean as a whistle," and you express your thought. If that expression is an attack, you are expressing it to someone who has a belief system that they can be attacked. So what you are doing is providing for the other person a way for them to heal their belief systems by providing that stimuli.

In the expression, whether it is attacking or not attacking, you provide a way for the other person (the recipient) to learn and to grow. If they have no issue about being attacked, they are not going to feel attacked. If they believe they can be attacked and that is one of their issues, they will feel attacked. Again, you cannot take responsibility for how the person reacts. You don't know how they are going to react! They may not be triggered at all. Your interactions with each other are choreographed in perfect synchronicity. There is no reaction that doesn't belong. All expressions belong in the context they are expressed. It cannot be any other way. There are not mistakes in creation. There are no wrong things. There is only neutral expression, and the synchronicity of All That Is.

If your wife walks up to you and says, "You are a jerk," if you feel hurt, then that's part of the synchronicity for your own growth.

I understand that. That wasn't my question. Let's say my wife walks up to me and says I'm a jerk, and she does it after she has thought about it and believes it is clean and is not an attack. Let's also say I have no emotional reaction to it, so it's fine. She can tell me I'm a jerk, and that's cool. If she has perceived that she is clean on it, and if it is indeed an attack...

Then she will eventually make the recognition because your lack of reaction will not satisfy her needs. So it's essential for her to express that, whether she thinks it's clean or not.

Okay, I was just picking hairs because I thought you were saying that we all will be able to discern all the time whether what we wanted to say was clean or not, and I don't agree with that. In fact, I'm not saying that it has to be clean. I'm just saying that it is our experience that we will not be able to discern. In the addictive state, we will not be able to discern what is clean and what is not. One of the things I think is so wonderful about relationships is that we can love each other enough to be mirrors for that discernment.

Yes. All right, let us clarify. We apologize if the language was misleading. We suggest that as you're training yourself to express that you first ask yourself if it's clean or not clean. If it's not clean and you can recognize it, then go ahead and process it however way you want to do it. If you think it's clean, then express it, because that in itself is part of the growth process. We did not mean to imply that every time you analyze it you'll have the answer. That is not what was implied.

What if it is your excitement to do something (like go to the movies) that your mate is not excited about?

If your excitement is based on another person's cooperation, it's not true excitement. If it's your excitement to take your wife to a dance, but your excitement is based on her cooperation, it's not clean. If it's your excitement to go dancing for the sake of dancing (not based on anyone else's excitement), then it's clean, and in your excitement if she is truly excited, then you will have matched your vibrations.

What is the fine line of deliberately hurting another individual? If you talk about something with your mate -- knowing that it will hurt that person emotionally -- do you have the right to hurt that person or could you just channel that energy of excitement in another direction?

You will never 100% always know what will hurt someone.

But if you do.

But you can't know. It is not possible. You may walk up to your husband one day. He may be feeling absolutely joyous and ecstatic, and you may say, "You look like a pig today." And if he feels really good about himself, that's not going to hurt him in the least. You cannot ever know what will hurt another person. So stop trying to take responsibility for the other person's reactions!

Is all this based on a concept of victimhood? I don't think you mentioned victimhood per se in the third- to fourth-density relationships model.

Well, third-density relationships often express victimhood. Fourth-density expresses self-responsibility and self-empowerment. Victimhood would come into it, but we didn't make it a major point. We are not sure that you are understanding or accepting the concept that we are saying. If your husband is 100% in his Godself and in his joy and excitement, you could say the nastiest thing to him in the world, and it will not hurt him. You can never hurt another person. They can choose to feel hurt. You cannot hurt another person, ever, because each of you (like it or not) are totally responsible for your own emotions and reactions. This in and of itself can be a great freedom, because it's the way to take your power back. Recognize that the bottomline intention is never to destroy but always to love. Even the most heinous acts are an outcry to learn love. That is the bottomline intention of creation, underneath everything else. And every action is based on that intention of learning to love. Examine your beliefs. If you really believe that Creation is Love, if you really, really believe that, then every action, every instance must support ultimately that belief. If you believe that actions can actually hurt, then there's got to be a belief somewhere in there which says that God or Creation can be hurtful.

Maybe I can help clarify things for the questioner. No other person knows what is going to hurt me. And to withhold a comment because it will hurt someone is assuming responsibility for their emotions and thus for their growth. No one else in this room is prepared to accept responsibility for another human being's growth. To do so will actively (if they're in a weakened or unempowered state), inhibit that growth and actually sabotage their own life's growth and the things their chosen to confront.

It will lock your relationship into third density, also.

This was something I was going to ask in direct relation to the earlier question. Let's say I'm in my relationship with my husband and I say to him, "If you have dinner with another woman, that hurts me, so don't tell me about it if you do that because that hurts me and I don't want to hear about it." That's okay to ask for that, but that's secrecy and it's third density. Right?

Yes!

So it's fine, but it's choosing third density instead of fourth.

Yes, there's nothing wrong with it, but recognize that's what you're choosing, so you can't expect a fourth-density relationship if you are choosing third-density interactions.

If you choose third density, then you're right, he has no right to tell me that or to force that upon me.

But isn't that also expecting conditional love?

[Everyone in unison] Third density!

You're making a choice based on third density, secrecy, so all the other parts of the package deal go with it.

Where does the hurt come from and why is it still there if we're in this transition and we should be looking at these fourth-dimensional relationships? Why do we feel third-dimensional hurt?

You are looking at the fourth-density relationships. In letting go from the third density to the fourth density, many people are choosing to feel the hurt. Almost in the same way as when you're frostbite, and you start getting the feeling back in your feet that it really hurts. It's a significator. Many people are using it that way, to remind you that you can still feel.

So it is quite all right to continue to choose third-density principles. Absolutely, it's fine. It's all equal anyway. However, do not expect to choose third-density principles and expect the package deal that comes with fourth density, because the cruise control does not come with third density. It's one package or another package. You cannot mix the packages!

In all honesty, those in the room, reading this, and listening to the tape are groundbreaking these ideas. These are threatening ideas for a lot of people, and those who do choose to embrace the fourth-density principles are going to choose to be exposed to the ground breakers. You all must start identifying yourselves and sticking together!

If I have truly chosen fourth-density relationships or to move into fourth-density relationships which are by choice, honesty, unconditional love, allowance, I won't feel any pain, correct? If I'm feeling pain in my relationship, then actually...

You're holding onto something from third density.

So whenever I feel pain, then I need to go back and look at this versus that, honesty versus this and find out which concept I'm holding onto.

Exactly, exactly. If you could 100% embrace the fourth-density idea of relationships, no, you will not feel pain. But some of you are holding onto some of the third as your are grasping for fourth, and you're feeling the pain, which an indicator that you are making the change, and that's quite all right. But if you feel that you're really in fourth but there's still this one thing, then go back and examine what premise or belief that you have that is based on third-density separation.

Again, let me repeat myself. If you are feeling any pain in a relationship, then I am desperately trying to hold onto some third-density concept within that relationship.

Yes, exactly. Now, with respect to your channel, we will have a short break.

(end of post.)

More at following link:

www.worldtrans.org/lyssa/112edit.html