Continued From WTF Vent

[bluerose]

[glow=blue,2,A]Ok, I am no longer angry. Still a bit frustrated, still a bit exhausted, but I feel very calm inside. I feel more patient.

I just sat with my computer for awhile, then did a search for what to do when I receive this particular error message in my email. I sat with that for awhile.

I have two ISP's. Netzero for dialup which I no longer use, but I still have the email address, and comcast for high speed.

So....I figured "What would happen if I put comcast in the smtp part?

So I did, and it worked! So I can send email now! I also throughout the day had been really staying with the idea that "I can receive, but I am not allowed to send." There was something to that.

I had a heated argument with an inmate today who was in a very "sending" and not "receiving" mood. LOL he didn't want to hear what I had to say. He just wanted to argue and yell and tell me what for. LOL

In that moment, it clicked. "Just receive, don't send." So I told him, "I understand you are angry, and rightfully so. But I am not these people you are angry at, so don't take it out on me." Well, it ended up being far more heated than I was comfortable with and he wouldn't leave, so I opened the door, and the officer came and got him.

But this whole thing got me thinking that maybe I just need to STOP trying to send for a minute and just receive. Just listen. Just feel. What am I getting?

So I did that with my email just now and I got, "Maybe use the other ISP in that spot" which had never come to me before. And it worked! So I can send now! I can send and receive! YAY!

Now the only thing is to get my wireless card to acknowledge my modem/router. I'm going back to the store where I bought it tomorrow to see what I can do.

But I feel really good.

I also wanted to mention in regards to this vent....

As I was driving to work today, I had these feelings and I wanted to post them. I have always understood the process of venting, allowing/supporting others, so I don't know why these feelings never were so STRONG before, but they are now so I want to share them.

THANK YOU ALL for not caretaking me. It just hit me in the car this morning HOW powerful it is to work through something with support, yet not being caretaked. Not having everyone caretake me really IS supportive! It adds to this strength inside me that comes from seemingly nowhere that says, "I can get through it." I have people who support me, but won't take it away.

I guess maybe this feeling just now came up because I was also feeling that there is this "strength" that does come up in me and I have no idea where it comes from. When I am at my worst, and can no longer carry on, this strength arises in me from nowhere. It absolutely amazes me. [/glow]

[Sowelu]

Oh WOW!!!

Thanks so much for choosing to post this "after vent" piece, Jenn. I TOTALLY get now why I wasn't getting anything for you. *heehee*

Everything in this suggests that you needed to get it yourself. And the gift of having done so is clear in all you wrote here. Just amazing how so many particulars in the external world cooperated so that you would get this in the way you did. AWESOME!

(((((Thankful hugs)))))) and much love,
Sowelu

[bluerose]

And thank you SOOOO much, Sowey, for being there with me and supporting me throughout it!

I guess I still have a bit of a ways to go in getting the wireless, but I feel a whole lot better!

[liza]

I think it's cool how you are able to pick up on things, Jenn. ;D Oh, it would just be so easy to get all the answers and solutions right now-- but then again, we wouldn't probably appreciate the lessons thoroughly as we designed for us to. LOL.. we're masochists.. that's what we are!

((((Sowey)))) You've been there for just about everybody here on this board. Bless your heart.