To Liza

[bluerose]

[glow=blue,2,A]Hey Liza,

I don't know if this is the forum for me to put this or not, but after reading your vent, I really felt the urge to say a lot and I did not want to invalidate your vent at all.

I am leaning towards the thought that you should be the one to move your vent to the emotional clearing forum when you are ready, and I know this may seem very greedy of me for wanting to do this, but I can't help it. I just feel the urge to! So here goes.

(if this is wrong or in disagreement with any of the agreements to this board, I promise I won't do it again and I will delete this post if you want me to.)

In reading your vent, I remembered that skit from Ben Bahan where the hearing people are mocking him and his friends. The hearing people are making nonsense signs, so Ben and his friends start moving their mouths, mocking the hearing people! Then to REALLY get the hearing people, he goes over to a pay phone, picks up the receiver, pretends to dial a number and then signs into it. LMAO! That cracked me up! What a great guy!

I know what you mean by dealing with a lot of things with humor. Laughter is the best medicine, but at the same time, sometimes we can end up hiding behind humor as a defense mechanism. I guess that's why it makes for good comedy - cause everyone can relate to it.

Do you remember when I was working in that restaurant for awhile? Well, if you don't mind me mentioning it, I'd like to bring it up. I don't mean for this to be invalidating to your vent in anyway, I just mean to be giving you support in relating this.

Anyway, as you know, I know VERY little sign language, but enough to get by and have the person signing help me out! LOL Well, at the restaurant, when a cashier had a deaf person come to the register, they too would get that dear in the headlights look. Just seeing that, I knew a deaf person was at their register, so I'd go over.

I have no idea what the cashiers are thinking or feeling in that moment, but I do know what I personally felt when I was trying to get by on the tiny bit of sign I know. I feel stupid - like I don't know enough to sign clearly or fluently with them. I feel inadequate. And I fear that the person ordering might feel the same and that's why I would try my damndest even if I looked like a complete fool for not knowing enough, to make it all work out.

Anyway, I guess I was just reminded of that in seeing your vent, so I thought I'd mention it.

I love ya girlie!

::HUGS::

[/glow]

[MarliesC]

Wow Liza your vent triggered something big in me.

My youngest 16 year old daughter is the outsider, she's not deaf, but she has such a different world view from her peers that she's like from a different planet. Well, she might be, who knows. It's summer holiday time and all her friends are out drinking or smoking pot in the evening. She doesn't do either. Yes, she drinks at times, but not every day and doesn't like what pot does to her and on top of it is allergic to it. I feel sorry for her when she's in her room at the computer talking on MSN or using PSP to be creative to overcome the feeling of loneliness. I don't know how to help her other than telling her I feel for her and I am there for her.

Thanks for letting me get this off my chest.

Hugs,

Marlies

[liza]

Jenn, don't worry about it-- I'm sure you needed to come out and say it for yourself as well as for me. Thanks, girl. Marlies, phew, glad you got that off your chest! I can tell how concerned you are for her-- lemme say a few things about that at the end of my post, if that's allright.

Dear Jennchickie, I am aware of Ben Bahan and that famous play he did. It was pretty funny to me, too. LOL That quite kind of you to help the scared cashier out, Jenn, with deaf customers. I'm also pretty sure the deaf customers were just as scared as you and the cashier were, if I were to draw from my experiences. Do you want me to advise you what to do in this situation? Or something? If so, I wouldn't know what to tell ya there! LOL I do know deaf peeps all have different personalities and they have different ways of looking at things. I couldn't speak for the rest, just for myself actually. There are deaf forums if you would like to explore more of some deaf people's psyches-- alldeaf.com, deafpeople.ca, deafreedom.com, deafnotes.com, deafgang.com, and even my forum artkunst.net/forum has a majority of deaf members. We have our cliches and conflicts-- sure. LOL I think much of the Deaf Culture is cliched, and probably beaten to death. There's the cliche of disgruntled and angry deaf woman or man from being discriminated, or from what they preceive to be making them stick out like a sore thumb, or the conscending attitudes. Hey, we've all seen Children of a Lesser God, right? I've rolled my eyes at some suggestions that I should learn to lipread and speak overnight right before that workshop last year, but I realized life is really what you make of it-- whether or not if you let your cultural/childhood upbringing/programming limit your own belief in the full potential of yourself and others. That goes for everyone, deaf, hearing, hoh, or the truly insane ones like me. LOL! Eat what you want and crap it out, ya know

That's not saying that I'm ashamed to be deaf (even though some people think I should be), only that I don't regret being deaf because of the gifts it has weeded out from my lessons. Ahh, there's that lesson of being different. You may also see in other deaf forums that I even seem different from others. I'm not complaining. ;D ;D ;D I guess it just sucks for me that everybody feels intimidated. I feel it, too, and the other person feels it too. I decided I'd just pick up my own pace, and be the wonderful me all the same. Maybe that'll influence others. Maybe not. I'll still smile graciously to the same cashier, and I think I'll do something differently with her-- write down a joke in Norwegian. I can do that. Promise you I'll share bad jokes with you if I see you in person, too. Love you Jenn!

It's cool that my vent started some of you on a direction.

Marlies, my mom didn't know what to make heads and tails out of me either-- she pretty much left me alone. I don't know, just do stuff with your daughter. Are there clubs she is interested in joining? YMCA? The band? Those are the memories she may savor when she is fully grown and has reached her full capabilities. Maybe I'm the wrong person to tell you this-- just go with your heart. It'll be allright no matter what happens. Promise! You're a wonderful soul who was smart enough to put in all possibilities and contracts with endings that you could handle in the ol' life blueprint along with your daughter. ;D

[liza]

PS - Marlies, I smoked the green also but that did not last too long for me. I didn't like it. I moved on to other endeavors. I think your daughter is a clever and fine young person-- she'll find her niche sooner or later. One good thing-- we learn quickly what works and doesn't work! Is she one of your twin girls? I remember you having twins! Gawd don't you just hate it when we are PICKY? Gotta love us, too!

[MarliesC]

Liza, thanks so much for your feedback. No my youngest is the single one. The twins are now almost 26 years old and my son is engaged and will get married next year.

We have a very open and wonderful relationship with our youngest daughter. She talks to us about everything, there is nothing that is taboo for her. That makes sometimes for some quite interesting conversations especially when she starts to visualize what she's talking about and it grosses her out, lol. After the difficult time when she was 14 she has decided that we are the best parents compared to a lot of her friends parents. We are supportive, but at the same time let her figure things out for herself.

Thanks again.

PS.
I just discovered a TV show with a main deaf character that I like. It's called Sue Thomas FBI. She has a hearing dog and speaks, but also does sign language.

Hugs,
Marlies

[liza]

Hey, Marlies-- I agree with your daughter. You're a great mom Wanna adopt me? JK! Yeah, it's good to let others figger stuff for themselves, I agree with you.

That's cool about the show with the deaf cop with her dog. I haven't seen it, but some friends did. One even met the actress, and thought she was super nice. I know of a real life deaf policewoman- middleaged I think, or something close to an police officer-- she's really awesome, and she really leaps all over the place!

There is another series called "Threat Matrix" which I think was shortlived, with a deaf character played by a very intelligent deaf woman I know personally from college-- her name is Sho Stern, same as my age She is going places, IMO-- she even did a role in the Vagina Monologues at my college. LOL She's hot, too.

Also, there's the famous Christy from CBS Survivor in the Amazon.

[bluerose]

[glow=blue,2,A]Oh good, Liza! I am glad it didn't bother you that I started this post. ;D I just knew you were upset by the cashier being intimidated and wanted to share my experience as "the cashier." I never had anyone get mad at me for not knowing enough, in fact they all were quite helpful in showing me the right sign if I goofed it up a bit. ::giggle:: But in my case anyway, that is where the intimidation comes from, not from the deaf person, but from feeling inadequate in being able to communicate well enough.

Love ya![/glow]