How Can I Be So Happy and So Sad At The Same Time?

[whitequeen]

Hi everyone,

When I sift through the board and come across one of my own posts and re-read what I have recently written I am amazed I could be so happy and jovial and feel inside lately so miserable.

I have to get this out and it's half vent and the other half clearning so here goes.

I am so sad and so frustrated and so angry and so, Ack!! EVERYTHING; and it's all getting stirred up and mixed up and I'm afraid and feel inside like a pile of fly ridden dragon poop. (Don't want to insult the dogs today).

It's like my guides and god have abandoned me to the forest of my own fears and horrors. The Rocky Horror Starseen Ascension Show! It's like I'm a schizo! One minute cracking jokes and the next raging at god and after that crying my eyes out and begging for my dad to help me, and I hated him when he was alive.

It's like I am feeling every feeling that is 'humanly' possible all at once.

When my father was alive he and I DID NOT get along, and I felt so unloved and so hated at times; so abandoned.

But I have worked through so much of that sh*it and realized it was the big plan to help me evolve.

And now today, I heard that yet another person I know is waiting for her father to pass on and it stirred me so deeply. I cried so hard for my own Dad and wanted him so much to be here and to help me get through the morass (or in his case concerning me -more a*ss) of feelings and struggles and chanllenges.

It was a huge ah ha to reaize he did love me and stood by me in the only way he knew how and agreed to and I sobbed with the compassion of knowing what he had to give up to be the mean phuck hole he was in life just so I could be the wonderous ET that I am today.

Growing up sucks!

All the plugs are popping and it's not champagne that is erupting from me. It's sorrow.

I am having a hate fest with myself and my guides and god for having to have had to go through my life like this and having to have learned what I know in this manner. I am so angry and yet so grateful. How can that be? I know the anwer in my mind and teach this stuff every day but my heart is being squeezed so hard it's squirty blood and vitriol all over me. Yech!

Oh and the fear, my god the fear is terrible. I'm so afraid of loosing what I have and I know it's an illusion but I am still afraid. It's like I say to my son when he is behind the wheel of the car as a new driver and he always tells me "he knows" when he does something wrong. I say it doesn't matter what you know, it matters what you do with what you know. Sh*it! Wouldn't you think I would listen to myself and my own big mouth once in a while?

And then there's one of the biggest worries/fears of all and that my beloved family of Paschats who have incarnated into my cats. We made an agreement before, before that they would come to help me get through it and take care of me and my end of the agreeemtnt was that I would love and take care of them all their lives in these bodies.

They have repeatedly incarnated back into my life now and I have done the best to honor my agreement and cared for them and loved them over and over. And now I am afraid with what is happening financially that I may have to give them up and find homes for them and walk away from my responsiblitiy and agreement and I would rather die than do that. They are my life, crazy as that may seem . They can't care for themselves as my growing kids can. Two of them are not 100% healthy and those two are my closest and dearest.

What am I going to do? I am so angry that my lousy guides are making/letting me go through this and not there to help me find a softer, smoother way.

I'm so angry that I have to do this myself and the way through is by changing my thinking and perception while in the middle of a fire storm.

What was I thinking when I agreed to come here? Oh, right, I wasn't thinking, I was BEING. PHUCK IT!

Why does this have to be so hard? I see other people out there and it doesn't seem so hard for them. Why then me? I've stumbed and fallen on my face so many times I look like chopped liver, raw chopped liver.

Can't work now as I can't concentrate and my work involves thinking and creating and all I am creating is more of this garbage. Can't focus and sift through how to unravel it all.

I know that the answer is to trust. I saw a quote the other day that summed up what I needed to do. Here it is:

"When you come to the edge of all the light you know, and are about to step off into the darkness of the unknown, faith is knowing one of two things will happen: there will be something solid to stand on, or you will be taught how to fly." - Barbara Winter

It makes me cry to read this and I know it is the answer. I know that because nothing else works. I went out on my balcony today in the hot, searing sun and found a shady corner overlooking my beautiful yard. I love this yard, I should, I designed it.

I sat there with the breeze blowing and the blue sky over head and the trees and leaves going happy in the breeze. My cats were all spread out in the sun and I looked at them at one moment and remembered that deep inside I am CAT. I am Paschat and they taught me that the best was through was to bask in the sun. Now how can I make a buck by basking?

I thought about becoming a fat, old hooker and basking in an obscene two piece bathing suit on the beach on the south of France and put that one down to sun poisoining.

I thought about just sitting there in my nightie at noon and basking for hours with my cats and just creating my reality and seeing myself safe, secure, abundantly prosperous, happy, doing whatever the he*ll I wanted to do and being just plain ok about it. It felt really good. And then the next thought was , well you know, garbage again. So I undid myself before the muffin was baked.

Those dam*ned muffins anyway. They are so heavy and flat and have no little light bubbles in them on my side of town anyway.

What if I took all my collected writings from this board and eveywhere else I drivel and drool and make them in to an ebook and call it The Lightworkers Agony To Ascension: A Step by Step Guide Up the Mountain of Hope" or something like that. Do you think I could sell it?

I mean after all , most of the crap out there is all about joy and lightness and then there is the Dr. Phil, Depak Chopra stuff where you gotta be evolved to be evolved. NO ONE writes about the pain of Ascension. NO ONE writes about at the struggle and the agony of mastery.
NO ONE really tells the truth, they all talk about it looking back over their shoulders and we all know hindsight is 20/20.

At least no one I know.

There are all the great writers Neal Donald Walsch, Marriane Williamson, yada yada and all they can do is give us exrercies but wants to do those exercises, REALLY? We do them in hopes of finding relief. But who is writing down the agony of being human? Who is representing the woo woo starseeds and telling our story? NO ONE that I know at least. Do any of you?

So would the garbage sell? Why not. I could throw in a little porn agony and bingo, bestseller and if I put more blood and chopped liver in it, double best seller. I can see it now at every Passover seder next spring, a huge dish of chopped liver sits on the seder table. Suddenly, it begins to writhe and squirm all over the table and up it rises to become voila, a wounded ALIEN. God what seder that would be.

OK, I'm going back to being sad, it's not as nuts as this.

Comments? fine with me. Advice even better, support even better than that. But best is a dam*n solution so if you know of one please post it here before I lie down under a train.

WQ

[Lunaria]

I will answer when I stop crying
honk blow
I am serious.

[Lunaria]

It sucks to high heaven being a starseed.
We have to fight for everything we have. All the gifts that were so easy before we came here we have to struggle to get back and then maybe we can't.

The 3D humans that haven't awakened are having the time of their life in their dream world. We see that and wonder why us?


It's because we volunteered for this sh*t. I want to be home with my ppl too. But darn we signed a contract and we cannot leave til we fulfill our mission.

Our guides back away to watch us struggle on our own
because they cannot do it for us. We have to do it ourselves. And do it we will.
We will learn to manifest money so we can take care of ourselves and our family that has incarnated with us.

We will remember what Christine said. We will change our thoughts.
Remember everything manifests with a thought first.
We will see ourselves surrounded in piles of money.

We have power, more than the 3D's that haven't awakened yet. We will remember how to use it. we are powerful beings.

We are releasing all the garbage from all other lives and this one. That is why we are feeling so bad. One minute we are laughing , the next we are crying. But we are getting it out. And before long we will be clear.

I support the way you feel. I feel the same.
Love to you and your Boo Boos from me and my Boo Boo.

[whitequeen]

Oh thank you my furry friend. Meow!

Yes, we have power and yes we volunteered but man oh man this ascencion better dam*n well be good when we get there or I'm goin' home and telling.

I have been crying on an off all day. My son refers to it as 'my mom is leaking again'. Well I have been leaking all day and when I even think about it or about collecting my years and years of writing and making a book and how good some of the stuff is I burst into tears.

My daughter laughed at me again; but in truth is one of my greatest supporters and came in to help me with the 'great work'.

My poor little cussy pats are worried and running around after me and my silly woofis is so sad he has curled up under the sink in my bathroom.

Sigh...
WQ

[Lunaria]

Oh poor boo boos and woof.
They read our minds, and take on our problems.
Tell them not to worry they will be okay.
Everything is as it should be.
;DMeow.

[seaoffeeling]

I resonate with this too, WQ. I'm finding it hard to get my words together, because your post impacted me emotionally, but two things that stood out to me, as they relate to my own experience, are the anger at myself and my guides for putting me through hell and seeing other unawakened people out there living fabulous lives. Sometimes I think this contract, or whatever we've agreed to do in this path is an exercise in MASOCHISM.

-SeaofFeeling

[Sowelu]

((((Hugs to all!)))))

Wow... SeaofFeeling, you pretty much nailed it with that word.

I haven't tried to express my sense of what's been happening to so many of us recently, but it feels like a major glass shattering. A disillusionment with the spiritual path we thought we knew, the selves we thought we were, the way we thought it should go...

It was meaningful and necessary for a time, but now that we're ready to leave it by the curb, we're beginning to feel the underlying truth of what it took to carry this torch in this world for this long.

It's as though we literally DID choose to take on punishment and twist our experience of it so we could translate it as SOME pleasure during our stay... until such time as we could finally find a more harmonious stance in self and feel real love and joy.

As though the martyr archetype was something we each had to carry in our energies or we'd never get through this life. But now... it seems too abusive. Now that we're ready to leave it behind.

And then there's the fear of what's to come, how is it to be here "raw and real"? It took most of our lives to figure out how to be here and not wither and die away, and now all those support structures, facades for protection and constructs of perception have to be let go... leaving us vulnerable in a world we already KNOW has a certain way with innocence and vulnerability.

I don't know, maybe that doesn't hit it for others, I'm just reading energies. I feel them but am in this moment at least not personally being tossed about by them. And yet I certainly have been, and recently.

Well, I see the beauty and glory in us all today, and for that I am truly grateful.

Much love and many blessings to each and all,
Sowelu

[seaoffeeling]

Wow, Sowelu. Your post brought tears to my eyes. There's so much in me to say, but I can't find the words. I'll have to wait until I collect my thoughts. Once again, you blow me away with your ability to take an abstract, almost hidden 'thing' I'm feeling and bring it out, smear away the dust, and put words and insight to it, so that it is as clear and unmistakable as day.

-SeaofFeeling

[whitequeen]

Hiya Sowey and Sea and Lun and all...

So I know that I am right when I say it woulda been better to be a dumb blonde!


Sowey you said:
I haven't tried to express my sense of what's been happening to so many of us recently, but it feels like a major glass shattering. A disillusionment with the spiritual path we thought we knew, the selves we thought we were, the way we thought it should go...

It was meaningful and necessary for a time, but now that we're ready to leave it by the curb, we're beginning to feel the underlying truth of what it took to carry this torch in this world for this long.

I'm not sure I can say what I am thinking here but I'm going to try because there is something very important here and I can feel it.

For one thing it does seen odd to me that we have born this hellishness for so long and are now facing the shatering. I personally have faced it for over 30 years as an adult and this is the final crash.

But the odd part is I wonder if I had to go thruogh it at all. Was all this pain some part of a karma that I created by being a bad guy before?

Is the real lesson one that is so simple that when we realize it we will hate ourselves until we can forgive ourselves? Did we volunteer not to awaken the world so much as to become aware of the fact that we NEVER NEEDED TO GO THROUGH THIS PAIN TO BEGIN WITH?

Is the REAL lesson the one we are all discovering now, that we create with our minds and thought and up to now we thought we needed to break through a painful tormented existence but in truth we lied to ourselves for some perverse reason to play mind phuck games and then unravel them in an effort to complete the perverse game we invented?

That would be a terrible thing to wake up to. The realization that being a dumb schlub in 3D, with no knowingness was a refuge from what we think we know.

All day I have been wondering why I can't remember what I think I know. Maybe I don't need to.



It's as though we literally DID choose to take on punishment and twist our experience of it so we could translate it as SOME pleasure during our stay... until such time as we could finally find a more harmonious stance in self and feel real love and joy.


But WHY would we do this? There is a group karma here, a group lesson. Not all light workers are miserable.

Have we chosen to take on this punishment as a way to transmute the energies of the dark and are now waking up to realize that enough others have awakened that can also take on some of this and we don't have to any more?

Or are we realizing that we can get to where we are going by way of a different route that doens't require a stop in hell along the way.

Why would a soul or a group of souls choose to create hell for themselves if not to fulfill a collective mind set that there is a hell. Are our former beliefs so ingrained that on a scale of 1-10 we had to start at -50 and get up to zero just to begin to feel 'normal'?

Have we kidded ourselves and is the truth not lying in hiding in the 3D world where we could have chosen to live happily ever after without all this angst and despair?

As though the martyr archetype was something we each had to carry in our energies or we'd never get through this life. But now... it seems
abusive. Now that we're ready to leave it behind.

Maybe we are ready to leave it behind because not only have we gotten smart enough to realize it doesn't work, but also to realize that we created it with our thoughts and now we can uncreate it by creating a new archtype. Maybe this is the ultimate delusion the ultimate game of all.

What a fart that would be to wake up and find out.

And then there's the fear of what's to come, how is it to be here "raw and real"?

Well this is the easy part actually. If the real truth is about creating it with our thoughts and waking up involves realizing we never had to have it this way to begin with, then there truly is no reason to fear as we can then just think a different thought and voila have a different reality.

Some realites are collective which means a large bunch of us need to think a different thought to create a new world. Others are individual and require only our own minds and desires.

It is a scary thing to begin to realize that it is literally all our own thought that is what is making our lives as they are. I mean I KNOW this to be truth but feeling it and allowing for the shock to reach inside and rattle the very being is more than sobering; it is so deeply traumatic that it hurts at my soul level to come to this conclusion.

It took most of our lives to figure out how to be here and not wither and die away, and now all those support structures, facades for protection and constructs of perception have to be let go... leaving us vulnerable in a world we already KNOW has a certain way with innocence and vulnerability.

And the irony of it all is that it is in that innocence that we shall find salvation; in the naive wide eyed openness that lies the path to the future. And in the nauseating terror of having to allow for that innocence to become and every day state of affairs which allows us to lay down our defenses and see with clarity.

I don't know, maybe that doesn't hit it for others, I'm just reading energies. I feel them but am in this moment at least not personally being tossed about by them. And yet I certainly have been, and recently.

I get periodically triggered. Like in the last 24 hours several things have flipped my switch and set me off; and then I settle down for a bit and then I am off the deep end again.

One thing I do know for sure. Old souls like to putter in the garden and I'm all for a nice simple vacation in 3D with no deep questions, no profound ah has and no worrying about where the next buck will come from.

3D isn't the enemy, it's the way we perceive it and all that goes on there that is.

Remember we are some other being's reality and maybe we are so intricately woven into the game from above or below that we are merely pawns be batterred around by another's thoughts. So with that, I begin to yearn for a trip to the 3D garden of my choice.

Now put that in yer pipe and smoke it!

Scratching head and wondering what's next,
WQ

[Sowelu]

(((((((WQ!))))))))

It's as if you've been puttering around in ME for the last 6 mos. and finally decided to come out and say what you've been seeing! LOL! I could have wrote so much of what you did here, it's awesome, I tell ya. ;D

For what it's worth (heh heh), I've come through to the other side of many of these ideas you expressed so beautifully, WQ, just recently actually... and though I cannot say one way or another if all I've been through was necessary, I do now seem to have an appreciation for it that I didn't before.

If nothing else, every single person existing in a hell of whoever's making, is in my heart with tenderness, compassion and full support. I know how we get there, I know what it's like to live there, and I completely appreciate every action that comes out of us when we're in hell.

I suspect I felt that way before I came into this life, of course... but it's cool to be back to it again now, as the human I choose to be in this dramatic masquerade.

So for whatever reason so many "fall into this state of mind", I chose to do so too, and I'm coming out of it as well, and perhaps can be a light to others still struggling.

Would I do it again? *heehee* I'm going to sit here in the fullness of my audacity and say that yes, I would. Yesterday I would have told you no way, not even if it was the only choice to make other than annihilation! But today? Yes.

And the only difference is really because today I spent some time "in love with everything", and realized that nothing that was painful or traumatic or horrific actually lasts. The only thing that does, and does eternally, is love.

But that's not to take away from anyone's feelings, because as I said, just yesterday I likely would have told this me to take a phucking hike or jump off a very high bridge spanning a dry riverbed! LOL!

And honestly? I love all of it. WHEN I can step back for a moment, the creative genius evident in every breath and thought and expression and thing that exists is absolutely awesome to behold. Including the illusion of struggle and pain and trauma and drama.

This just in.... (*giggle*) I seem to be hearing a concept floating through me as I'm writing to you, WQ, so I'll just write it and be done here.

The sense is that we did this because there truly were some lost without a light to see by. Stuck and looping in hell, scared as all sh*t and being swallowed whole. We knew that EVEN THOUGH IT'S AN ILLUSION, yeah, yeah, yeah... it's REAL AS REAL CAN BE while they're in it and can't find their way out.

So we came to be "real" in their "real hell", and extend a "real hand" that is tangible, touchable, grippable. In love, with strength, with our own inner light to keep us from staying in the mammoth abyss for too long, we dared to "do it again, this time with feeling".

And not to be "saviors" because there's really nothing to be saved from! But just to help a little, clear a little of the cobwebs so they can see the light switch and turn the light back on in themselves. And my sense is, because a call went out, because this is the end of a Grand Cycle and many didn't want to miss the exit and stay for another eon looping here.

And also to reflect the rest of who they are (and ourselves, through our own journey here). Here was very dark for very long, and that is a part of All That Is, but it isn't everything. We knew that. So we came to help wake this sleepy dark place up, so the light could be remembered here again.

None of us are strangers to the fullness of the feminine. She is dark and lovely, black and scary, "the destroyer", love itself, gorgeous and loving, bright and nurturing...and so many things we all know well. So we came to sing her song in truth, dispelling the illusion with love, not anger, fighting or fear.

But we all know this, or so it seems to me.

[whitequeen]

[[[[[Sowelu]]]]] chuckle!

It's as if you've been puttering around in ME for the last 6 mos. and finally decided to come out and say what you've been seeing! LOL! I could have wrote so much of what you did here, it's awesome, I tell ya. ;D

Actually it has to be the other way around because I am older than you so you have to have been puttering around me. ;D Said with pure Paschat bravado! ;D ;D ;D

For what it's worth (heh heh), I've come through to the other side of many of these ideas you expressed so beautifully, WQ, just recently actually... and though I cannot say one way or another if all I've been through was necessary, I do now seem to have an appreciation for it that I didn't before.

Yes, I have come through this to the other side myself and the last laugh goes to our inner selves because just when you think you have the answers and all the knowingness and the downloads of wisdome and love, bang! you forget it all and get dumped back in the fracas for another go round.

There are so many dynamics to this. At the most basic level there is the daynamic of developement of self, your relationship with yourself and the realization that you do indeed create your own universe.

Then you move up the scale and begin to unravel these questions in relation to your intiimate relationships with one other whether lovers , friends, parents, siblings: it's between you and one other person and the same quesitons and ideas form and there is another level of ah has and awarenes shines through.

Then you move up again to the next level to your relationship to a small group, say the family and then up to your community and up to the country, the world, the milky way, the galaxies, the universe, the cosmos, ad infinitum.

And at each level on the scale the same quesitons are approached and at each level the awareness must be formulated to complete the soul's journey home to source.

I remember when I first started to consciously work on this stuff and had my first ah has I thought I was going to physically drop dead on the spot from joy and light. It was terrible and incredibly wonderful in one instant after another .

The best ah has of course were on the first level because they are first and because they deal with YOU the only one in your universe.

I have come to think (maybe believe) that we have to develop the 'self' before we can move on. Although I carried the illusion for a long, long time that I was here to help the masses, I came to the conclusion a long time ago that my first and most primary goal and task was to myself. There is nothing and no one outside of self. All else is a creation of the ego and the self in thought. As above so below.

As I was willing to give up on my noble ideal of being here to help others I became whole and complete and my universe became a concise and real 'thing' that I have been able to fashion with my own thoughts and my mind.

Every now and then I have a moment of agony where I forget this. And it is at that moment that I descend into what we describe as hell and fee the flames of torment licking at me. And in the seduction of the slower vibration I get caught and forget and become the thought.

It is at that moment that my destiny is formed. Do I stay or do I move on? And I never stay and always relinquish the pain and move out of it. But while I am there I languish in it and slather myself in it until I can't stand the stink of it any longer. It is a gift I give to my soul ,the seductive senses, a gift that I indulge in so I never have to come back to this place again.

As I or you or we move higher on the scale we take these lessons and experiences to different depths and heights depending on who else is involved. It isn't until we get the technique down pretty thoroughly tho', that we are able to take these ideas and present them to groups and work through the group consensus. In other words, it isn't until we have developed 'self' that we are able to help develop the collective.

This is all my opinion of course. But... and there is always a bit of a but or a butt :: giggle:: ... from what I have both seen from outside my self and experience on the inside of self, it appears as at least a portion of universal law. YOu can say it in as many languages and ways as there are people and ideas out there but the bottom line always comes down to the same thing.

Now at this time (earth time) many of us are working on the larger collective rather than on the individual. But all of us who are doing so have had to come to grips with these concepts and truths at the 'self' level to be able to relate to the larger collective.

If someone has not been able to do this (in this life or another) and then moves to work with the collective we, the people, perceive that person as a charlatan because we instinctively know that he or she is not in tune internally with 'self'.

If nothing else, every single person existing in a hell of whoever's making, is in my heart with tenderness, compassion and full support. I know how we get there, I know what it's like to live there, and I completely appreciate every action that comes out of us when we're in hell.

Yes and I agree and this is the BIGGO lesson we all have to learn before we can move on to the greater collective mind.

But, and here is the ripper question: Do you know how to explain how we get OUT? So many of us know the agony of being there and how we get there, but so few can define how to get out. That's the secret to ascension. It is not so different for each of us either. They way out may appear different or we may stubbornly adhere to our own beliefs that 'my way, is the only way' (ego of lower self refusing to relinquish itself to the collective LOL), but in truth the way out is so simple it is painful to contemplate that we get stuck for so long in the crud. It is simple but it takes a ton an a half of time and energy to discover it and to be able to put it to use effectively.

[whitequeen]

continued from above:

I suspect I felt that way before I came into this life, of course... but it's cool to be back to it again now, as the human I choose to be in this dramatic masquerade.

So for whatever reason so many "fall into this state of mind", I chose to do so too, and I'm coming out of it as well, and perhaps can be a light to others still struggling.

For an enlightened being to choose to come here and turn out the light and choose to 'fall' into this state is a great service and sacrifice to the cosmos.

This is not said with ego, just from my point of knowingness.

The trick is in not forgetting who we are and in being able to stay in touch with the inner core of enlightenment so that when we get in too deep we can find a way out and recognize the sign posts as they are presented to us.

I know personally, my parents did a REALLY good job of attempting to keep the veil pulled down on me so that I would completely forget.

What they didn't bargain for was that I am a greater being than they ever thought. Not said from ego again. As a matter of fact they had no idea who was in the body of their baby girl. Not an inkling and so I don't blame them any more now that I realize that.

When I incarnated this time I did so without the veil and remembered from day one. For me personally the veil was drawn in this life and in the birth process. I had previously chosen to do this, I now know, expressly for the purpose of helping me remember who I am later in life after I agreed to the suffering of my present childhood.

I also now know that I chose to go through what I did to further develop my first level or dynamic of self so I could then confront and be able to deal with compassionately the greater collective.

I believe you did the same Sowelu as have others here.


Would I do it again? *heehee* I'm going to sit here in the fullness of my audacity and say that yes, I would. Yesterday I would have told you no way, not even if it was the only choice to make other than annihilation! But today? Yes.

And the only difference is really because today I spent some time "in love with everything", and realized that nothing that was painful or traumatic or horrific actually lasts. The only thing that does, and does eternally, is love.

I on the other hand, would not choose to do it again on this earth plane. I have been here too many times in this capacity and am really done this time. I know that too.

I would incarnate again tho', but not in this reality or even remotely into this passion play of polarities and opposing forces. For me, I plan to complete my portion of the 'game' this time around in this manner.

And it has everything to do with love too. In my own case it has to do with loving self and respecting myself enough to know I don't have to do this to myself again. Nor will I be needed in this capacity again by the collective consciousness at this level.

I prefer to experience the love from a unity perspective and if you make the choice now, even in a moment of luxuriating in the sensuous, seductive love you are experiencing today, you WILL be back to do it again. Be really careful not only with what you think in a moment of cosmic orgasm, but in what you promise and commit to. I can dictate your next incarnation in just a millisecond.


And honestly? I love all of it. WHEN I can step back for a moment, the creative genius evident in every breath and thought and expression and thing that exists is absolutely awesome to behold. Including the illusion of struggle and pain and trauma and drama.

I agree, but ... ah the eternal but... I percieve this to be a reaction to being in tremendous pain, at least for me. It is the opposite swing of the pendulum.

The goal according to me ;D is to be in neutral or the middle pillar; not swinging to either side of the emotional meter. This is not to say there is no feeling, but a balance of high and low with the extremes of seductiveness removed.

This just in.... (*giggle*) I seem to be hearing a concept floating through me as I'm writing to you, WQ, so I'll just write it and be done here.

::giggle:: Yeah, I'm doing it too. The clarion call of the collective mind is at hand.

The sense is that we did this because there truly were some lost without a light to see by. Stuck and looping in hell, scared as all sh*t and being swallowed whole. We knew that EVEN THOUGH IT'S AN ILLUSION, yeah, yeah, yeah... it's REAL AS REAL CAN BE while they're in it and can't find their way out.

So we came to be "real" in their "real hell", and extend a "real hand" that is tangible, touchable, grippable. In love, with strength, with our own inner light to keep us from staying in the mammoth abyss for too long, we dared to "do it again, this time with feeling".

Yes, but not solely for the benefit of the group; as I mentioned above.

And not to be "saviors" because there's really nothing to be saved from! But just to help a little, clear a little of the cobwebs so they can see the light switch and turn the light back on in themselves. And my sense is, because a call went out, because this is the end of a Grand Cycle and many didn't want to miss the exit and stay for another eon looping here.

Because we are the wayshowers, the light bearers as are others. There is a difference between wayshowers and lightbearers from light workers. Not too many folks in our 'movement' differentiate, but me with my love of words will do so at least for the sake of this discussion.

And also to reflect the rest of who they are (and ourselves, through our own journey here). Here was very dark for very long, and that is a part of All That Is, but it isn't everything. We knew that. So we came to help wake this sleepy dark place up, so the light could be remembered here again.

AMEN or even better AWOMEN, or maybe not better but at least equal. ;D

Oh great Phoenix, rise up in me as in all and bring the light of rebirth to blind us and brand us with the memory of who we are. And so it is, and so be it!

WQ

[Sowelu]

(((((Wow, WQ!)))))

This is just awesome! ;D I thoroughly enjoyed reading this response! Layers of meaning in it, too.

One thing stood out most, so I'll put it here, then share a bit of my musings...

You asked

But, and here is the ripper question: Do you know how to explain how we get OUT? So many of us know the agony of being there and how we get there, but so few can define how to get out. That's the secret to ascension. It is not so different for each of us either. They way out may appear different or we may stubbornly adhere to our own beliefs that 'my way, is the only way' (ego of lower self refusing to relinquish itself to the collective LOL), but in truth the way out is so simple it is painful to contemplate that we get stuck for so long in the crud. It is simple but it takes a ton an a half of time and energy to discover it and to be able to put it to use effectively.

And I must say, to my mind you answered it here:

Every now and then I have a moment of agony where I forget this. And it is at that moment that I descend into what we describe as hell and fee the flames of torment licking at me. And in the seduction of the slower vibration I get caught and forget and become the thought. {....} Do I stay or do I move on? And I never stay and always relinquish the pain and move out of it. But while I am there I languish in it and slather myself in it until I can't stand the stink of it any longer. It is a gift I give to my soul ,the seductive senses, a gift that I indulge in so I never have to come back to this place again.

By consciously choosing to allow a state of experience to "consume" us, so to speak, and run its course until we consciously choose to release it, we generate the greatest shift and gift possible in this realm, imo.

We make conscious what was unconscious, revealing its truth and redistributing the balance of power in Self.

The hell that so many experience here is because those experiencing it don't understand it, are therefore victimized by it, and cannot break the cycle of falling into its powerful grip again and again. The fear this feeds, of potentially forever feeling powerless against these dark feelings and thoughts and situations in 3D... perpetually generates more of the same.

So what you described above is exactly what I have done, too, and it is a demonstration of profound trust and faith, WQ! ((((Hugs))))

What I have never been able to give another, but can demonstrate again and again, is that under all the horrible things we might - I might - go through here... I know[/i] I am safe, supported and cannot truly get lost or be annihilated.

THIS is the precious gift I came here with, as I see it. I will {endure this or that} because I know {I am love incarnate and cannot be destroyed}, and I demonstrate it regularly. Many of us here do, in fact. It is immense in its impact on the frequencies here! It is a demonstration of trust, faith and love in the face of fears that have ruled for eons. And it creates real change.[/color]

I prefer to experience the love from a unity perspective and if you make the choice now, even in a moment of luxuriating in the sensuous, seductive love you are experiencing today, you WILL be back to do it again. Be really careful not only with what you think in a moment of cosmic orgasm, but in what you promise and commit to. I can dictate your next incarnation in just a millisecond.

I disagree, but I can see how this concept has flourished here and seemed to be valid, because its embraced emotionally as well as mentally.

It is not just the thinking mind and its thoughts that create our experiences. Nor is it just the human mind and emotions that do. Manifestation comes about through our "total consciousness" energies. This has not permeated the mass consciousness here yet, but many seem to suspect it.

Humanity heard the word consciousness and misinterpreted it to mean what they knew from their conscious mind. Much has transpired as a result of this simple, seemingly small confusion of terms!

My heart holds awareness that comes from the higher self/soul, my human mind holds awareness distorted by my human emotions, my emotional body holds awareness of both the lower fears, anger, etc., as well as the higher instincts, intuition and wisdom of the feminine...

All of these "consciousnesses" within my total energy field are what generate my experiences, combined.

The human mind and feelings have generated a great many experiences that might seem awful, horrific and even unendurable. But the heart has reclaimed us again and again with the truth it sings to us gently. It is our eternal and ceaseless connection to wisdom, truth, unconditional love. Even when we cannot seem to express from it to others purely, it speaks to us ceaselessly, never withholding love and life force to support us on our journey.

This part of our consciousness energies is the mitigating factor, so to speak. The more we've learned of this realm through various incarnations, the stronger our heart whispers are, regardless of what we're enduring. Our heart energies grow in and out of physical life. As they become stronger through our choice to experience openly, they serve to mitigate our fears and painful experiences. The more we tune into it, the less painful our experiences become, no matter what we still fear. No matter what we haven't cleared up yet in our thinking in this life.

Our fears of manifesting painfully are mitigated by the truth that lives in our hearts. Even if we don't fully acknowledge it. Even if we don't hear it properly yet. Because it simply is a part of our total consciousness. It "unconsciously" assists our manifesting just as our subconscious fears do. It is the rest of what's unconscious in us, and it is based in pure unconditional love. So it acts as a mitigator to our fears.

This is precisely why the work of clearing the lower emotional body makes so much sense, though. By doing so, it eliminates a "dark emotional consciousness" detracting from our desires, which thereby alters the mental patterns of the human thinking mind, too, eliminating a "dark mental consciousness", and then we're left with a far more "pure consciousness field", aligned now with higher frequencies, from which to manifest.

Body wisdom is something many are beginning to appreciate more. This is your Divine Mother speaking directly to you.

She has always been there, but her messages have been rerouted through fear and interpreted/translated by a fear-bent mind, so we misheard her. As we clear so much of our dark consciousness energies, we begin to hear a purer message...

We are perfectly safe to trust life. There is nothing we can do that can change who we already are, and if we trust who we are, we can do anything we truly desire. There is nothing to fear. Not a thing. And especially not a thought. It is but one component of a beautiful creation recipe, and it can be altered in any moment, if one chooses.

The body lives in NOW TIME. Our Divine Mother God, if you will, lives in us and speaks to us IN THE NOW. And she tells us that linear time is an illusion, so fear not if you think something "today" that isn't pleasant. It does not cement your experience tomorrow... unless you believe it will.

And that is because "believing it will" is bringing in that investment of faith into every subsequent NOW, and that is what assists in generating your experiences.

And even if you do tend to believe it and cannot seem to help yourself, Divine Mother says, "It's still ok. I love you, I gave birth to you here but you are me in form, and if you truly need, I provide".

"Sometimes that means your form will be shed entirely so you can remember truth again. Sometimes that means a synchronicity occurs to spark your remembering of truth. Sometimes that means you become ill so you have the opportunity, in stillness, to hear and feel my love again. But always, it means you are eternally safe. "

"And your heart's desire is my desire for you, and we always work together toward that. I will never abandon you, and though you don't realize it most of the time, you will never abandon me. We are bound together as One in the realm of Truth. We speak the same language, want the same thing for you, and are bound together eternally creating that... just for you. Just for me. Just for we... the I that is we."

Much love!
Sowelu

[whitequeen]

Hi Sowey!
Onward we go with our dialogue! (((squish)))


By consciously choosing to allow a state of experience to "consume" us, so to speak, and run its course until we consciously choose to release it, we generate the greatest shift and gift possible in this realm, imo.

We make conscious what was unconscious, revealing its truth and redistributing the balance of power in Self.

Yes I do think that becoming becoming conscious involves being completely inundated and slathered in an experience at all levels; not just on a mental level.

And it is a choice. One can stand in front of an oncoming train and choose to stand back and feel the immediacy of the potential terror of being consumed in the speed or can lay on the tracks and experience the immediacy of a quick and powerful death. Odd example, but one that is definitely intense.

So when we allow ourselves to fall into the abyss of agony over anything, lack of money, painful love relationships, agonizing disease it is a choice and to only dabble in those choices usually keeps us from finding the gifts. It isn't until we are screaming and pleaading with the gods to help extricated us from the agony that we are at the beginning of being able to awaken those parts of ourselves.

Yet, I do believe there are other ways of becoming conscious and learning awareness and still being true to the addage that we must go through it to the other side to learn.

If one can jump the time line, which doesn't exist anyway except on earth in 3D, one can 'imagine' the experience and be in another's agony or ecstacy and still be seduced by the 'feelings' that are one of the keys to consciousness.

I remember when the Oklahoma bombing took place years ago. My kids were really little. The part of the story that got to me was the pain the surviving parents must have felt at having lost their children. I went nuts for a while in pain and fear. I realized I was able to place myself, my mind and senses in the scene and 'be' on of these parents who'd lost their child. I became supremely aware what it was like to go through that horror. I was literally bilocating and felt a jump in my own consciousness when I chose to come back to my single location and pull myself out of the experience.

What was most interesting to me was not having to actually be there and go through the experience in the physical. This dramatically effected me and my level of awareness and reality; what I could and could not do; the kinds of choices I could or could not make and ensuing decisions I have made in years since regarding what I do and don't want in my life as well as how I will continue to grow.

The hell that so many experience here is because those experiencing it don't understand it, are therefore victimized by it, and cannot break the cycle of falling into its powerful grip again and again. The fear this feeds, of potentially forever feeling powerless against these dark feelings and thoughts and situations in 3D... perpetually generates more of the same.

Yes, because they don't understand they are creating that 'hell' with their choices and their thoughts.

So what you described above is exactly what I have done, too, and it is a demonstration of profound trust and faith, WQ! ((((Hugs))))

LOL LOL LOL yes trust and faith! No sh*it! Also getting caught in the monsoon of emotion and being pulled down into the center of the storm where all is still and REALLY deceptive.

The center of the storm is the closest thing we can come to that imitates the void. It's stillness is very, very calming and yet very unnerving. After all you know you're in it and if you shift even a tiny bit you're in the whirlwind again. To reach the center takes uncanny trust, determination, foolhardiness LOL, and faith.

But in the end you do have to go through the edges to get in and maybe get out unless you also possess patience. Not one of my qualities. ;D

What I have never been able to give another, but can demonstrate again and again, is that under all the horrible things we might - I might - go through here... I know[/i] I am safe, supported and cannot truly get lost or be annihilated.
[/color]
I'll share something with you and everyone else that reads this.

There was a life, in another dimension, many eons ago that I lived in which I was taken prisoner and tortured. It was a kind of torture where my soul itself was fractured into so many minute particles I [who ever that was/is] fully believed I was annihilated. There was not a miniscule bit of 'I-ness' left.

And yet, there was something in one or more of those particles, something of my consciousness or my essence should I say, because somehow miraculously I was able to call in all the kings horses and all the kings men and through lifetime after lifetime reclaim those particles and parts of who 'I' am and regroup back into not only who I am but more of who I am then I was then, and I was a pretty high and mighty poo bah then. LOL

But, then is now as there is no time off earth and 3D so in truth I am my own future self and a gathering of the 'me's that have scattered throughout the universe. And in that scattering the tiny bits and pieces have encountered more experience, more learning, more indulgence, more life and death, more existance, more, more, more and there is nothing I can't do or be.

I coming to this realization I agree there is no such thing as 'no thing'. There is alway something and in that something is support and life, of some nature or another. It's one of the realizations that has made me know that suicide, for instance, is not an answer to getting away from it all. Attempting to make oneself unconscious through death is the ultimate illusion. Better go to the south of France on holiday and take a rest to get away from it all. LOL

THIS is the precious gift I came here with, as I see it. I will {endure this or that} because I know {I am love incarnate and cannot be destroyed}, and I demonstrate it regularly. Many of us here do, in fact. It is immense in its impact on the frequencies here! It is a demonstration of trust, faith and love in the face of fears that have ruled for eons. And it creates real change.

yes, agreed!

It is not just the thinking mind and its thoughts that create our experiences. Nor is it just the human mind and emotions that do. Manifestation comes about through our "total consciousness" energies. This has not permeated the mass consciousness here yet, but many seem to suspect it.

Yes this is what I meant but my words don't always follow my thoughts in clarity.

Humanity heard the word consciousness and misinterpreted it to mean what they knew from their conscious mind. Much has transpired as a result of this simple, seemingly small confusion of terms!

Humanity heard the WORD and thought it was a word. HAHA! Not realizing the WORD is a vibration that stimulates and triggers true consciousness that is of all levels and planes.

And that being said I must give my mind a break from thought for the next bit. I am sure I'll be back tho' to continue. ;D

Love,
WQ

[bluerose]

[glow=blue,2,A]Hey Guys,

One feeling comes to mind in reading all this, and it's a quote from Spider Man. ::giggle::

"With great power comes great responsibility."

I feel like this responsibility often feels like a burden for us and adds to the hell we create for ourselves in confusion.

Oh...well, I am having another feeling so I guess I'll add it. In regards to your feeling everything all at once, WQ, it kind of makes perfect sense.

Yes, I understand that in the moment, it is completley frustrating and confusing because how can yes and no (complete opposites) BE at the same time? LOL

But if we "LET GO" of the idea of time, everything just IS, making it all able to BE all at once.

So, it feels frustrating trying to wrap your "mind" around it, but like Sowey said, just sitting with it and allowing ourselves to be consumed by it and truely delve into the experience of it by FEELING it, we come to accept it, understand it and be more comfortable with it.

Love yas![/glow]