A possible lesson or just wishful thinking?

[edge19]

Hi everyone,

I just have something a little trivial here that happened today. As I said before I am no longer with the girl I want to spend the rest of my life with. She felt that she was better off without me in her life, somehow. We haven't had any contact in over a month now. She writes me an email here and there to say hi but I'm not allowed to respond.

But today I started writing her an email about something that I knew she would find funny even though I wasn't supposed to and then all of a sudden she sent me one. It was the first real email in about 2 weeks and she sent it just as I was writing her my first email to her in weeks. I ended up not sending her the email right away but sent it to her a few hours later.

Is this a syncronicity that might be telling us that we should/need to be together or am I just grasping at straws here cuz I miss her so damn much and using a simple coincidence as wishful thinking? Something minor, I know, but it has been on my mind since it happened. I like your guys' insight so it is welcome, of course.

Thanks,
Rob

[Edward]

Why are you not allowed to respond? Is that a self imposed measure or something she mandated?


I don't know if this means if you are supposed to be together. What I do feel is that the both of you have unfinished stuff to deal with and you guys need to clear it/sort it out. Then I think you would have a better and clearer idea about the question you posed.


Peace, Love and Enlightenment,

Ed

[Nicole]

Rob,

First, you need to realize that EVERYTHING that sparks any sort of reaction in you is a lesson. So I'd say yeah, this is a lesson.

Some things seem to be in play here.

First, you guys broke up but there are no boundaries there. It's impossible - and yeah, I'm saying that with certainty - to be friends when the breakup is new. You need time to adjust to your new "roles" and to let the wounds heal. BOTH of you. I've been there several times and I can speak from experience. And, you still obviously want to get back together. So your wounds have not healed. Heal your wounds and clear your issues and if that's in the cards it will be OBVIOUS and come later.

Also, I figure there were probably no boundaries there in the relationship either and the lesson is just carrying over. Why not set a boundary? If the other person says you are not allowed to reply or contact me, then say do not contact me either. If you do email me I will send it directly to Deleted Items. Why allow another to put those types of directives on you?

So this isn't just a boundary issue, it involves other issues - the issues that prevent you from effectively setting and keeping boundaries.

And like I said Rob, if you're going to get back together it would be obvious to you. You'd just know and you'd know now if that was the case now. Mixed signals are being sent it seems. Do your IC a favor and put an end to the game playing. Set some boundaries. Keep them. Give you IC a hug and discuss your pain.

Hope that helps.

Hugs,
Nicole

[edge19]

Thanks guys,

Good advice.

Ed - She asked me not to contact her. She says she misses me and wants to be together at some point but says she doesn't want to hear from me.

Nicole - I actually did tell her not to email me or call me as well, even though I knew she wouldn't anyway, but then a day later I changed my mind cuz I do love her and I do want to be with her so I don't wanna lose contact with her. See, she's very cold in that way, she can just love me for 2 years and want me to propose to her and then just never talk to me again the next day.....with me, I try to hang on and remind her how much fun we had together and we hardly ever had any real bad times and breaking up isn't serving any real good purpose. I mean we live thousands of miles apart right now so she has all kinds of alone time right now...I guess she just simply fell out of love with me....that sucks..haha.

Have a good one,
Rob

[healing16]

actually i just deleted my response t this..i am very uncomfortble witht his being discussed on here..please do not post any more about this...boundaries are an issues..new agreement..no contact..please respect that..xo shannon

[Nicole]

Shannon,

I'm not sure that we can ask Rob to do that. He has been explicit but hasn't mentioned any names thus far, I assume to preserve privacy, but now you've made your identity public and I'm not trying to be mean but that's not Rob's fault. If he wants to clear the issues in earnest but isn't out of bounds regarding the forum then he has the right to clear it here.

I guess the Moderators need to discuss this one and see what the bounds are. I'll leave it to MirRA to post next on this with guidance after we discuss it.

Love,
Nicole

[healing16]

Yes Nicole I realize this. I wasnt asking you or any of the moderators to do anything about it I was asking Rob, out of respect to my wishes not to post about it here. He knows that several people on this board know that he is my exboyfriend and therefore know he is referring to me when he posts, even if he has not mentioned any names. And yes, I do realize he has a right to be here and clear emotions just like we all do. I asked Rob not to post about any of this here and to be honest it's more about getting my attention then clearing issues. He joined this group without telling me, didnt even post in it until we broke up. He has a life, friends, work, school ..all kinds of people he can turn to...I dont. When I found this board, it was my like a safe haven for me. I dont work, I dont get out..I dont have many people to turn to..so when he joined this board and then insisted upon staying..it really upset me cuz I felt that 'he' didnt need this, but that I did need this and these people. and this place was no longer safe for me to come to. thats why i hardly ever post anymore. And then to come on here and see all the stuff he writes about this, and know that its more about getting my attention then anyhting really pisses me off. Well he can go ahead and do whatever the hell he likes and post whatever he wants from now on cuz I am outta here. I will no longer be on this board anymore. Thanks to all of the lovely poeple i met here and feel free to email me privately if you want and I'm sure I can get forwarded any good artciles and bits of info from this site if i need it.
love Myrrhixoxox

[Nicole]

That's too bad Myrrhi. This would have been a great opportunity for clearing for both of you.

[Sowelu]

We're ready when we're ready... and not a minute before. This is always the way of it.

Blessings and love! ((((((((Hugs!)))))))))
Sowelu

[Nicole]

Hey Rob,

In response to your post, it sounds like you've got a lot of anger and judgement to clear regarding your ex. If you'll get that out of the way you'll see your path much more clearly.

[edge19]

Well, I'm terribly sorry that all this had to happen. It was not my intention whatsoever. You guys give great advice and I've been feeling better lately so that's why I post on here.

What wasn't mentioned was how I'm a part of other sites as well and this isn't the only one I go to. This is the one that provides the best insights. I did find this one on my own and I was given the blessing by Shannon when we figured out that I joined a site she was part of. We also agreed when we broke up that we would not read each others posts so that we would avoid situations like these.

To my understanding, not one person on this group new of my relationship to Shannon and that is why I never mentioned any names. I apologize that it is now 'out there'.

I've learned from everyone here and it is true that I do have anger issues but it has nothing to do personally with Shannon. I love her very much and I know she's going through a difficult phase in her life so I will not engage in he said/she said and I will not judge, as I'm sure would be appreciated anyway. But since she identified herself I don't feel comfortable discussing the relationship here anymore so I will have to find other ways of dealing with that. But relationships are just 1 subject of a whole lot of others that I can learn from.

I do feel sorry that she is leaving the forum because I know this forum is all about love, acceptance and spirit and I know she can benefit from it all as we all can. Again, I am sincerely apologetic about this and I will re-think my posts from now on.

Love and Light,
Rob

[Edward]

From my observations is that it seems like the both of you can talk about your personal issues here but you both are lacking to get these same things resolved or acknowledge between the both of you. But if you say you are working them out then there is some things that are not resolved. You both know, or I would think would know that communication is key. Also aggreements are as well. Once the both of you aggree to have things settled a certain way or agreed upon then all the baggage and emotional stuff should be cleared? If not then you guys need to clear that stuff so you can move on to the next issue or next thing that is at the heart of the matter. You know what I am trying to say? I know for a fact that some of this stuff is hard on both of you and no one should feel that they are not the only ones having these feelings in the relationship. But make sure you both make yourself clear on things and make sure that you both adhere to what you guys agree upon. That is what agreements are about.

I wish the utmost best for you guys. I really hate to see such pain on both sides. I really can feel it. All the best for the both of you and all my love.

(((((Hugs)))))) Myrrhiel

((((Hugs))))))) Rob


Peace, Love and Enlightenment,

Ed

[ADMIN]

Myrr,
I can understand you being upset as I can also understand Rob wanting to process and clear, both are valid where you stand. What I am sorry to hear is that one cannot find this place safe. This is one of the safest places on the web where you can share your most intimate feelings, issues, emotions, etc. I have, and I have value this golden opportunity where others take their time to give us insights and support one thru these issues.
Furthermore, both of you knew what was going on before Rob came forward and you should had warned him not to share if you felt that your name would be exposed and those who knew you were the love he was referring to would out of respect kept silent and allow both of you process this.
We are here for all who need us and of course those willing to go thru the process which will alLow them to continue on their path.
Hope that both take this opportunity and decide to clear this, both will feel better.

[liza]

Looks like this is a lesson of self responsibility for all sides? Others hit the nail on the head... making healthy boundaries, and adjusting to a "rebound" period after an ended relationship. There IS a reason why relationships ended, unless you want to repeat the old song and dance of torture (as long as you need to learn from this particular lesson with the person- until you "get" it). There are ways to learn a lesson, right? Which can you choose to learn what you put in your life blueprint prior to birth? They covered this fate vs destiny angle with the story of Innana in a Zecharia Sitchin book.. I think, Genesis or War? Help!

While it could be UNDERSTANDABLY gunky for ex-sweethearts to post in the same forum, keep in mind that EVERYONE.. and I do mean, everyone has a right to take the steps to create their own inner peace (within acceptable bounds of the forum guidlines). Moderators WILL make it clear what is acceptable and what is not acceptable, to hold the integrity of this forum. We do have that common spiritual/human experience to consider about Gotta stick together, right?

If I may make another possibily dangerously personal observation: It is entirely unfair to impose an unrealistic "demand" on the other one. That SHOWS that the other person HAS power over you - yes, the person making the unrealistic demands usually do it out of feeling powerless. It is a common form of manipulation to protect one's IC, and I do totally get that. I've been guilty of that! However, it does not excuse one (or ME, in fact) to justify treating another bad. The can of worms is opened already, so I figger... just make the best of it, and make the choices best for us at this moment. Instead of making demands of others to maintain your boundaries for YOU... challenge yourself to do the dirty work of maintaining YOUR own boundaries!

Rob: Since you started a thread on emotional clearing, and implied that you'd like feedback - I hope it is not too late for more, because here it comes: I feel that it is more of a lesson of learning to not depend on others for love, because you can do that yourself. I really feel it drains the other person's energies if that is a primary reason you want a relationship with her/him. More likely, from the sound of your previous posts, you are also playing a GAME (however unintentional or otherwise it was).. doing the whole displaced anger thing, passive aggressiveness type. You appear passive enough, yet you may have used some other unhealthy outlets to vent your anger (anger IS valid, though!! Just how you express it can backfire in your face or it will work). You owe it to yourself and your future romantic interests to learn to love yourself, and getting rid of the vampiric teeth. You know how we have to learn to love ourselves before loving others, right? It is clear to me you have so much love to give others.. why not reserve a good part of it for yourself?!

The next healthy thing for you may be to take a deep and HONEST look at yourself INSTEAD of other people. Take a timeout. Let others do their own thing as if that has little bearing on you, because that's truth. That is what this thread is for in the clearing conference. That is usually the hardest step to take, huh? We're here for you all the way as long as you allow us to. You are loved!

Myrrh, the door is always OPEN to you no matter what at EC forum with love! You are not a bad person, and neither is anyone here at the forum. Issues suck.

Let's focus on ROB, aka edge19 in this thread hereafter. Agreed?

Take my views with a grain of salt, though I could be WRONG. Kick my ass. Heh heh.

[edge19]

Hi Liza,

Actually that's a perfect reason why I come to this forum, for advice like that. I'm actually aware that there is something that I lack as far as loving myself. I've always wanted to make others happy. I feel if I can make others feel good about themselves, then that makes me a good person. Now, I love as hard or harder than anyone in the world but for some reason I don't love myself as much as others...I don't know why. I've been working on this for so long but I just can't get it, it seems.

I think that's why it bothers me so much when I treat someone like gold and then they're able to get rid of me just like that...I find it so hard to deal with and it hurts so bad. I mean, if I did something wrong or mean I would understand totally and I could move on but I can't wrap my head around being left outside when I did so much. I'm now trying to say so much without saying too much, hehehe...forgive me.

I just see people all the time that just move through relationships so easily and I don't get it. How can you say you love someone so much and then the next day just not care...and I'm not referring to my individual case here, I'm talking about people in general.

I just try so hard to help people feel good about themselves that it hurts so bad when they finally do and then decide they don't need me. Anyway, I can't fully describe the situation now, so I guess I'll leave it at that, hahaha.

Thanks for the love everyone. I'm trying hard, I just don't know if I"m trying hard enought I guess

Rob

P.S. Sober for a month and a half now...it's a RECORD!!
haha