Post by bluerose on Jul 2, 2006 12:11:48 GMT -5
I've kind of been in a funk lately - a feeling of helpless depression and confusion.
I was just about to make a post in General, and then I moved it to Here, but then I didn't post it at all. I was going to ask for suggestions on how to deal with someone who is unable to deal with his children. But then I realized that sure it is an issue of His, but I also had an issue.
I was to the point where I felt like I had to not be around at all when Christopher has his children because I cannot accept the way he deals with them and I cannot change it either.
That's what I was going to post about and say that I've tried everything I don't know what to do. In that exact moment, I had this feeling/hearing "All you need to do is talk to him." I've talked to him about all the other issues I've had and he's usually understanding and comes around. But this one was about more than just he and I - it involved his kids and that was kind of a touchy subject so I was afraid to talk to him about it. I had in the past talked to him briefly about it and realized it was an "Off limits" subject.
So this is when I realized it was more than just his issue of not being able to deal with his kids, it was my issue of not being able to discuss it with him and how it was making me feel.
So, instead of posting asking suggestions on what to do, cause I knew you'd all tell me to deal with MY issue! LOL (Thanks by the way though
) I talked to him.
And thank God, somehow I was not judgemental or hurtful. I was compassionate. Which was impressive to me because I had been so much in a funk of judgement and hurt and anger and feeling like just giving up.
I told him that I know he has a hard time when his kids are here and that he gets really stressed out. I told him that I get nauseous and sick when he gets that way and the kids just act out then because they need interaction with him and there is none until he yells at them. He agreed.
I told him "they need you more than they need me." And amazingly, he agreed!
I told him, "I don't want you to be stressed out and I think I can help if you're interested." I told him I don't want to tell him what to do or how to raise his kids but I would like to make suggestions and if he likes them, help him impliment them.
He agreed and said he wants to. I told him over the next two weeks lets get their rooms organized and ready for us to have positive interaction with them when they come over next time.
He said ok but that he gets the way he does because he just doesn't have the engery to deal with any of it. I told him I understood and that I would help him and that by interacting with them, you will require less energy to scream and yell and stress out because they won't be acting out for your attention.
So, I'm impressed (and greatful) that I somehow was able to go from pleading for help from all of you to acting on the answer I received so quickly!
It was so scary to bring the subject up to him because I was afraid he'd want to argue. But I guess I was at the point where it either needed to be discussed or I'd just not be around anymore.
I'm still kind of nervous though. I really hope he can come around and start interacting with his children and I really hope I can not be judgmental and be supportive of positive change.
Guess we'll see what happens!
I was just about to make a post in General, and then I moved it to Here, but then I didn't post it at all. I was going to ask for suggestions on how to deal with someone who is unable to deal with his children. But then I realized that sure it is an issue of His, but I also had an issue.
I was to the point where I felt like I had to not be around at all when Christopher has his children because I cannot accept the way he deals with them and I cannot change it either.
That's what I was going to post about and say that I've tried everything I don't know what to do. In that exact moment, I had this feeling/hearing "All you need to do is talk to him." I've talked to him about all the other issues I've had and he's usually understanding and comes around. But this one was about more than just he and I - it involved his kids and that was kind of a touchy subject so I was afraid to talk to him about it. I had in the past talked to him briefly about it and realized it was an "Off limits" subject.
So this is when I realized it was more than just his issue of not being able to deal with his kids, it was my issue of not being able to discuss it with him and how it was making me feel.
So, instead of posting asking suggestions on what to do, cause I knew you'd all tell me to deal with MY issue! LOL (Thanks by the way though
) I talked to him.And thank God, somehow I was not judgemental or hurtful. I was compassionate. Which was impressive to me because I had been so much in a funk of judgement and hurt and anger and feeling like just giving up.
I told him that I know he has a hard time when his kids are here and that he gets really stressed out. I told him that I get nauseous and sick when he gets that way and the kids just act out then because they need interaction with him and there is none until he yells at them. He agreed.
I told him "they need you more than they need me." And amazingly, he agreed!
I told him, "I don't want you to be stressed out and I think I can help if you're interested." I told him I don't want to tell him what to do or how to raise his kids but I would like to make suggestions and if he likes them, help him impliment them.
He agreed and said he wants to. I told him over the next two weeks lets get their rooms organized and ready for us to have positive interaction with them when they come over next time.
He said ok but that he gets the way he does because he just doesn't have the engery to deal with any of it. I told him I understood and that I would help him and that by interacting with them, you will require less energy to scream and yell and stress out because they won't be acting out for your attention.
So, I'm impressed (and greatful) that I somehow was able to go from pleading for help from all of you to acting on the answer I received so quickly!
It was so scary to bring the subject up to him because I was afraid he'd want to argue. But I guess I was at the point where it either needed to be discussed or I'd just not be around anymore.
I'm still kind of nervous though. I really hope he can come around and start interacting with his children and I really hope I can not be judgmental and be supportive of positive change.
Guess we'll see what happens!
::Sigh:: Excellent point, Nemue. 
