Post by edge19 on Mar 23, 2005 14:23:18 GMT -5
Hey everyone,
I feel so angry at myself right now. I try so hard to make the proper decisions for myself but I end up making the biggest mistakes. I have strong intuition but I never listen to it! It's so annoying and then I end up making decisions that I regret or that make me miserable.
I met a girl before that I thought was beautiful. Because I thought she was beautiful I decided that I wanted to pursue her no matter what. That was my first mistake, I really wasn't even interested on knowing about her personality...she had the physique of the woman I always imagined to be my wife so I ignored all RED FLAGS that my intuition was thowing at me. I eventually came into contact with her and we went out for our first date. After that first date I knew that I shouldn't take it any further. I knew it! But of course I talked myself into trying to make it work. I felt like I could make anything work even if I didn't like certain things.
Over the course of the first 4 months of our relationship, I still knew there was something wrong. I sensed lies and deception and I finally found out about lies and internet-'cheating'. Again, my intuition said "GET OUT NOW!" But I didn't listen because my mind was telling me that I could work it all out. I put so much energy into the relationship, that I finally started getting sick...bad anxiety, severe depression...I became insecure and jealous and in fact, I was even warned this would happen by relatives of the girl I was seeing. I stayed with this person for almost 2 years and I struggled everyday with my intuition telling me to leave and my mind telling me to "stick it out." I was finally dumped and basically thrown away, almost as a punishment by my intuition for not listening.
I guess this was just a lesson I had to learn but the thing is, I knew the lesson but I wouldn't allow the better part of me to make the proper decision. I'm trying to see the karma in this and I think I got it: I had a girlfriend before that loved me more than I've ever been loved before and to this day. I was a little young but this girl took care of me when I got sick with colitis but I just dumped her a year later because she wanted to get more serious and I still wanted to party. She cared for me so much and she even gave me a few months to get my head on straight but I just took it for granted. Now I know that in the physical realm, I may never get this type of love ever again. This is basically what I'm faced with now. I now know how it feels and it feels awful and if I could ever have the chance I wish I could apologize to her for that. It makes much more sense to me now. Maybe this should go into the RANT section but to me this is somewhat of an emotional clearing so I posted it here. My lesson is to always listen to intuition because no matter how much I think I know people, my intuition knows them a lot better, hehe.
Thanks for having this site again so we can express these different emotions in a non-destructive manner..hehe...time to go talk to my inner child, we have some things to work out.
Rob
I feel so angry at myself right now. I try so hard to make the proper decisions for myself but I end up making the biggest mistakes. I have strong intuition but I never listen to it! It's so annoying and then I end up making decisions that I regret or that make me miserable.
I met a girl before that I thought was beautiful. Because I thought she was beautiful I decided that I wanted to pursue her no matter what. That was my first mistake, I really wasn't even interested on knowing about her personality...she had the physique of the woman I always imagined to be my wife so I ignored all RED FLAGS that my intuition was thowing at me. I eventually came into contact with her and we went out for our first date. After that first date I knew that I shouldn't take it any further. I knew it! But of course I talked myself into trying to make it work. I felt like I could make anything work even if I didn't like certain things.
Over the course of the first 4 months of our relationship, I still knew there was something wrong. I sensed lies and deception and I finally found out about lies and internet-'cheating'. Again, my intuition said "GET OUT NOW!" But I didn't listen because my mind was telling me that I could work it all out. I put so much energy into the relationship, that I finally started getting sick...bad anxiety, severe depression...I became insecure and jealous and in fact, I was even warned this would happen by relatives of the girl I was seeing. I stayed with this person for almost 2 years and I struggled everyday with my intuition telling me to leave and my mind telling me to "stick it out." I was finally dumped and basically thrown away, almost as a punishment by my intuition for not listening.
I guess this was just a lesson I had to learn but the thing is, I knew the lesson but I wouldn't allow the better part of me to make the proper decision. I'm trying to see the karma in this and I think I got it: I had a girlfriend before that loved me more than I've ever been loved before and to this day. I was a little young but this girl took care of me when I got sick with colitis but I just dumped her a year later because she wanted to get more serious and I still wanted to party. She cared for me so much and she even gave me a few months to get my head on straight but I just took it for granted. Now I know that in the physical realm, I may never get this type of love ever again. This is basically what I'm faced with now. I now know how it feels and it feels awful and if I could ever have the chance I wish I could apologize to her for that. It makes much more sense to me now. Maybe this should go into the RANT section but to me this is somewhat of an emotional clearing so I posted it here. My lesson is to always listen to intuition because no matter how much I think I know people, my intuition knows them a lot better, hehe.
Thanks for having this site again so we can express these different emotions in a non-destructive manner..hehe...time to go talk to my inner child, we have some things to work out.
Rob
