My story

[AgeA]

I am going to take an opportunity offered to me here and start my clearing process. I promised to myself to be totally if not brutally honest about anything that comes up. Please, allow me some time to get through the process. Please, dont expect my narrative to be cohesive and structured. I apologize beforehand if would not be clear sometimes and emotional. I don't promise to answer to your comments immideately while still in the process of clearing. One more thing any of your posts are welcome including the angry ones if you feel triggered. I want to find that pinnacle point of integration and Compassion here. It would please me if some of your inner problems and fears can be dealt with here as well. We Are One...So be it

[AgeA]

Yes, control is the word. Why is so many of them want control. Why do they need control of things? Is it because it makes them feel secure, safe?

I was arguing with mom once. My point was that no matter what experience any individual desire he/she must be allowed to have that experience even if that would make harm. My mom had to lay down after those words as it made her feel bad. She said than I must be a man of Chaos. Yes mother I am Man of Freedom and Freedom is paramount to any Andromedan, because that is what we value most of all.

When I first met J....... in August 2002 at that lecture in Nyack, New York, where K send me, J looked intresting enough for me and so I got hooked. Of course, I still didn't beleive in all of that Galactic staff, planet Niburu etc, but what she said at that lecture about DNA recoding was intresting. I remember hugging her at that lecture and how she said 'wow' when we hugged me. It felt good to me too.

I joined NC forums in October and started reading her book 'We are the Nibiruans" and the Formula of Compassion. It was first time I read anything of that Galactic nature and although with scepticism took to it seriously enough. I read many other books of the same nature during those few months. I liked especially books written by Joshua David Stone. I must mention here that I was hardly 'Spiritual' as felines like to say at this point in my life didn't go to any church for like 5 years and wasnt reading any material of that nature. Quite simply, I was considering all religions and spiritual movements as nonsense and fantasies at that time until all the things started happening to me.

[AgeA]

Finding Compassion

I didn't spoke to J unless on the forums or by email a few times until April 2003. I called her and tried to arrange for a session with her. J refused me saying that she no longer gives any sessions. It made me really upset as I coudnt understand why and she didn't expained it to me and was really cold to me. I was surprised to say the least to have that kind of response and this was not what I expected. I emailed her and called her again but again I got refused. I didnt know at the time that it was then when she had found out about the planet Maldek thing.

Apparently, J thought she was a 'Lightie' and never possibly could have done something like destroying planet Maldek. She said so herself later on if you read her personal perspectives on her site. I didnt know that at the time and neither I could not possibly imagine that a person who have been 10 years in that business and through all that supposed clearing could have such silly ideas about herself. One word ...felines... never able to face the truth about themselves.

I had my 'dark night of the soul' in September 2002. the first time I even accepted the possibility of me having past lives I was able to see it how it was. I didnt expected to see myself as a good or a bad guy. I was just open for whatever. Of course, when I saw some of those lives it was inevitable that I would blame myself too. In this life at least I was conditioned as a Lightie by my mother. She cared for me most of the time until I left and dad was never really there. My awakening from that point was fast as I didn't get any break nor was I expecting to. Of course, it doesnt mean that I was a 'bad guy' in most lives. In fact, it seems to be 50/50 for human incarnations and for the past few lives I was playing on the 'good side' or at least what could be considered as such.

One of the most inresting thing for me was and disturbing at the same time was that I participated in the creation of the US during Revolutionary War. I actually thought this is my first time in this country. Even more so it seems I was incarnated during those pivotal moments when nations were founded, revolutions happened or major changes occured. It seems I have participated in creation of all the major European states or when there were periods of transformation and change. When I saw that made me understand some important things about who and why I am.

When I went to Nibiruan Council workshop in June it was first time I ever attented that kind of thing in my life. I literally pushed myself to go to that workshop. In fact, until the last moment I deliberated and thought that all of that could be after all just fantasy and another rip off thing. Well I wasnt exactly right or wrong as truth was somewhere in between right and wrong.

Personally, I gained a lot through that workshop. I met amazing people there. I enjoyed their company and made some good friends there. I met my true Love there. On personal level I gained a lot. However, I dont feel like I got from that workshop what was promised to all of us. J expected for us to begin give counseling sessions to people right out of the workshop, but I dont feel like she provided me with the the tools to do that. In my personal view she didnt even deliver a half of what was promised by her. At the same she expected us to follow all the rules and regulations she established and used to change however best suited her. I felt like I have being manipulated by her in a continuous effort to get more money out of us. We were supposed to attend all those workshops I knew nothing about as now it turned we weren't the Counsilors as was promised by her but an Apprentices and have to pay more money to get our 'Certificates'. I mean, I don't even to talk about it or remember it anymore, but I had to explain it here. It is funny how someone can teach about Love and Compassion but have no clue about the true meanings and application of those words. We live in very hypocritical world where everything seems to be turned upside down.