adult children of alcoholics

[healing16]

It's funny...how all these years i never really realized how much growing up in an alcoholic home has had such a an effect on me and every aspect of my life..but i guess all is in divine order and when i was ready to realize this, then i was ready...today i made a phone call to a lady about Adult Children of Alcoholics..we talked awhile and i am going to my first meeting on thursday..i really feel like this is going to be so healing for me...it was important to me to go to an ACA meeting and not an ALANON meeting because there is such a different dynamic between being the 'child' of an alcoholic and the 'spouse/partner' of one...I am still in a bit of a angry stage at my mom for staying with my dad for all these years..even though intellectually i understand the situtation..and when i went to an ALANON meeting once..i actually found myself getting angry because it was mostly spouses and partners of alcoholics there..talking about staying with the alcoholic, and telling me i shouldnt be angry because it was a disease..intellectually i know this but it is important for me to be able to feel and release these emotions...i am excited about this meeting and perhaps this new stage in my life
love Myrrhi

[Monikah]

How encouraging! I hope you find release with this group.

<<telling me i shouldnt be angry because it was a disease>>

Glad you didn't stay with this group! Whew. Old programming.

Love,
Monikah

[healing16]

Thanks Mon..
love Myrrhi ;D

[Nicole]

Myrr,

My mom drank way too much while I was growing up. Started when I was 7. I have cleared it but my IC is still a bit angry I guess. It isn't a disease. My mother made a conscious choice to do so and still makes that choice today. I finally expressed all of my pent up emotions to her a few years back and did a lot of healing, and although she acts irresponsibily still I'm not affected generally.

I say irresponsibly because she agreed to not be a drunken fool in front of me anymore, but does so every so often. So she's breaking agreements with me.

Anyway, not a disease - a choice. I know now she drinks to fill a void and I can sympathize, but enough is enough when you have a child I think.

By the way, I drink and when I do drink I get stinking drunk usually. But then it's over with and I go on with my life. It's my choice not to drink every day and I don't want to.

And you go girl and have fun at your meeting!

[healing16]

Thanks for sharing Nik..
I probably would drink if it didnt make me so physcially sick...i was on the road to being a heavy drinker in my late teens early 20's...but i cant even touch the stuff now..maybe a littel glass of white wine once in awhile...I am glad you have reached some peace with you and your mom...god bless you baby,
lots of love,
Myrrhiel

[creatorgoddess]

Once again, I definitely I'dentify Myr...I didn't know either how MUCH damage was done..My mother was raised by an alcholic grandmother and for the life of me,,,I really couldnt remember seeing a bunch of boozing in my house but then again due to continual sexual abuse I was checked out 98% of the time except when mom remarried an active crackhead at 15 then boy was my bubble world shattered...It ALL was VERY clear to me..haven't really dealt with all of that...I am on the sexual stuff now and dealing with PTSD but I read a bookon AdChiofAlcholics and boy did I fit ALL the criteria...and boy I hear you on the anger about the "disease" factor...and Nicole on the whole "its a choice"...

All in time, I guess-

[liza]

Myrrhiel, CGoddess, and Nicole- I can relate with my father having been an alcoholic during my early childhood. It is not an easy thing for any family member to go through, especially with the lack of integrity along with the feeling of walking on shattered eggshells.

There is often an element of feeling powerlessness in this, that we have the task of conquering. Tall order, but somebody has to do it.

[Nicole]

Yes, the feeling of powerlessness is great. I still deal with that. I have to check myself all the time because my home is the only place where I have control - and I did not after the age of 7 until now. So I sort of freak out sometimes at home on Shaun when he has company or something. But I know where the angst and feelings come from so continually work on it.

And I understand why my mother acted the way she did on many levels, but the child in me still acknowledges that it was not fair nor did it feel very good. I guess that's it. We're not angry but it wasn't pleasant and nothing will ever make the memories pleasant. Even when I drank with her there were unpleasant memories. I will likely never be drunk in front of my own daughter until she's an adult and hopefully not then. The child should never have to be the parent. A lot of our friends - well, old friends we no longer hang out with - take theirs to parties where they drink it up and smoke pot and other stuff and they have much different children than we do. I may not always be able to say this, but I'm not ashamed that I have a very happy little baby. People actually comment on that. And I can tell you why - we stay home with her and love her and play with her and she has nothing to want for except that we don't get the spoon to her mouth fast enough sometimes! LOL

So anyway, this is MY choice. I may be screwed up other ways but this won't be one of them in regards to my daughter or any future kids. Knowing how it feels it amazes me that children of alcoholics or abusers or whatever grow up to do the same sometimes. Mind boggling.

Thanks for letting me express!