Hey Ed

[Nicole]

Hey Ed,

I like you a whole lot and so don't want this to go any further inside of me - want to get it out and resolved so there are no hard feelings.

I just realized that the apparent animosity I have towards Jelaila isn't really about her at all. I do feel how I said - I've got firm boundaries and won't be taken in, etc. etc. so there's no soft spot in my heart to allow myself go believe any more propaganda, etc. But that's neither here nor there...it's not about her although I am transferring some of my feelings on to her today.

What this is about is for the longest you've been bugging the piss out of me. I say this almost jokingly Ed because like I said, I really do think you're very cool and don't want to ruin our friendship. So what bugs me? I feel like you always try and justify everyone else's behavior no matter what. You try too hard on top of that to do so. To make everyone feel good, keep peace - hell I don't know. Here, the New Atlanteans with the riff between Mark and other dude (James?). That drives me mad. And Jelaila is the perfect topic for this to come up for me - BECAUSE I USED TO DO IT IN REGARDS TO HER ALL THE TIME!!!!!!

So there, I got my feelings off of my chest. My feelings. That's how I feel. Whether or not that was your intention is irrelevant I suppose as far as my feelings are concerned. I realize it's a mirror, but the feeling is still there and must be processed.

So I guess anything else I want to say tonight is that Ed, yeah we're all students of clearing and learning to balance - me included of course. But there comes a point where you have to say hey, Joe Blow's behavior is unacceptable and" and whatever comes after and. Can someone change? Sure. Do they want to? Are they willing and open to listen? Different story - who knows. Not everyone is, even if they give it lip service on the net.

And Ed, I'm sorry I've let this fester this long. You deserved better than that from me and I apologize.

Love,
Nicole

[Edward]

Hello Nicole,

Thank you for speaking with me.

In respects to Jelalia, I am in no way admonishing you for your views or actions towards Jelialia. I do not know if it has been a culmative thing that has been building up that what I have been saying that is bothering your or a couple specific things that you are referring too.

(***I just read and posted to you and perhaps that will further clear things up. I typed this post out before I got to the other section in this forum, but I now know perhaps where some of what you have said is coming from.***)


But I know I have done before in the past to justify everyone elses postion and to try to clear up issues of perhaps misunderstandings and shining light on possible ways for that behavior. Now by doing this I in no way condone what another person may or may not do or say. I have just in the past wanted to work as the mediator and to help others see things from a different angle.

Now I have been working with just allowing things just to happen and let people find their own way with things and let them deal with it. This has been a work in progress for me for a long time and I have been making much ground.

As for what has happened on TheNewAtlantean group , I do not believe you were around when the Mark and James thing got started. They were clearly having issues and I let it go as far as I could. They were not resolving their issues and not clearing them. So I inserted myself into the situation so that both sides can get things released and worked out between each other. I was very sucessful with two polarties that were able to find middle ground and understanding for each other even though they both adamantly opposes each other thinking. Now they are both members of the group and my role as an emotional healer helped me to established my boundries, the groups boundries and thier own personal boundries. Both of them have approached each other in a more respectful manner and coming from a higher place with their own personal integrity still with them with out giving that up.


Oh and with Mark and James. I was asked by Mark to keep working with James. I did not want to kick people out of the group because they would not have learned the lesson.

I have also been working on justificatioin and I realize that this post is alot about my own justifications and I really need to work on getting away for justifying things. This is what I have been guided to work on. Which I have. But I strongly feel that and I have maintained for the longest time since I have been enlighten about it, is that the "communication" process is so , so, so very important. Spoken words, Ideas and concepts are very easily misinterpeted and misunderstood and misconstrued. It's been my goal to see that in my life that I see this communication process , get better. I know it is also part of what I am here to help in showing others. But as I learned nearly in the beggining of my awakening at NC in the chats and the old message forums is that it's a very fine line just like it's a very fine line in helping and in caretaking. I have treated it as such and as more and more situations present itself the better one becomes with identifying and being able to let things go for what it is and when to speak up and say something. This goes for just about any situation.

I don't go out trying to save the world and everyone. I used to be of that mindset. I am working in allowing things to flow.

Basically what I want to say is Nicole, I am not judging you. I totally respect your postion and your thoughts and I do not place right or wrong on it. I don't come from there. I don't think of you any differently because of what you said. I totally respect it. I understand it. You are my friend and continue to be. I hold you in high respect. I always have since I firsted Joined NC.

I am always more than willing to discuss things and to work out differences and I am a "hands" on type guy. You can say anything to me and I will hold it in the highest regard even though I might disagree with it. I know that everyone can't agree on everything and that is how it should be. But as long as we are with-in integrity, have compassion and have respect towards other. I believe everyone, even people with extreme differences can come to terms with one another and get their issues resloved and understood.


Peace, Love and Enlightenment,

Ed

[liza]

Sometimes it is hard to "trust" a person who justifies just about everything.. because you don't know how they really feel or where they really stand. I've been guilty of justifying Jelaila's actions, Nicole, too, especially what happened around the workshop I was at. You're NOT alone! She didn't want us talking about "GCA business" with anyone else in not too many words, either... or we were out of the "loop" or whatever that is. Much fat help it did to me. A friend I had and loved no longer trusted me.. even though she didn't say it.. mebbe out of pity or compassion or somethin'. It really hurt. She did try to tell me what was wrong. I couldn't blame her at all. I was too scared to take care of me, and how can anyone respect me if I didn't? This just makes me cry. Whenever I see somebody justifying others' actions or their own, it gives me a pang of pain and old guilt.

Where is that line between meditating disputes and justifying both sides' behavior? I learned about the other side for sure

Thanks for the thread, Nicole! Fantastic work. I don't mean to hijack your thread.. let me know if I should move this post somewhere else.

[Nicole]

Yes Ed it's been a cumulative thing. Perhaps mostly regarding threads about Jelaila because I am still kicking myself for justifying her actions for as long as I did, especially to myself which is much worse than to others! I knew she was out of integrity and then I was out of integrity for allowing her to be so with me and me knowing it. Then here I am out of integrity with you and me for letting this stew when I should have gotten it out.

Anyway, I'm feeling much better about this and not fuming mad anymore (I was only for a small bit). Still some residue left that I have to clear energetically but I do appreciate your post Ed. I don't feel there is anything else you could clarify for me unless you feel there is

Oh, and just so you know, I was following the James/Mark thing in the background, but since it was none of my business anyway I won't even go there now

Liza, you didn't hijack my post and I know you went through a lot too. It's like "let me teach you to be in integrity" but then the teacher not being in integrity. The teacher was in fact fairly cruel and selfish a lot of the time. Another layer of "parents" scarring their children. It's just good that we came out the other side equipped to clear it!

[liza]

Sure is good, Nicole, that we were prepared.
Aye it was a good lesson about integrity.

*hugs* You doing allright?

[ADMIN]

Ok Guys, excuse for butting in this emotional clearing thread, but what group are you guys speaking of. Where is the New Atlantean group at, curiosity killed the cat and I am one of those cats> LOL!
Sounds like there is alot of activity going on lately.

[Nicole]

Here it is MirRA - groups.yahoo.com/group/TheNewAtlanteans/