any insight Sowelu/ others??

[healing16]

Hi there..
its been awhile since I have been on this site but Sowelu, you have been popping in my head for the last few days so I thought I would come in and get your perspective on things when you get a chance, plus Nis it probably tired of hearing all my stuff..he he he..

Well I have been at this healing process for a long while now but just recently in the last year or so started focusing on emotional healing..I have had some awesome advice and guidance from Nis and some other pals but for some reason I'd really love to here your perspective on things..

just to recap things, i was daignosed as bipolar when i was about 20, have fibromyalgia and interstitial cystitis (bladder disorder) and been sick since i was about 16. I have always been an anxious person. i was on tuns of meds for years which really made me worse and kept the emotions numbed, but when i started getting off the meds, the emotions and memories started to surface.

long story short, i realized/remembered that i was a 'victim' ( i use that term lighty because I knowingly incarnated into that situation to try and help put a stop to it) of ritual abuse and government/military expirimentation through my cildhood and adolescence and this very much arrested my emotional development and core beliefs were programmed into my head as a child that i cant seem to let go of and debiltate me today.

Intellectually I know these beliefs are not true but they are so engrained. the more I heal and work, the more I realize these core beliefs are the root of so many of my problems. I dont have one inner child, i have inner child alters, some who took over for others, during the abuse. there are so many parts of me that feel 'bad' and damaged and unworthy and sub-human, not deserving and incapable to feel happy and peaceful. there are some parts of me that sabotage my healing because they are frightened or dont think i deserve to heal. i know that all seems so silly and there are parts of me that 'know' that isnt the case, but how to you get at those beliefs that are so engrained, even programmed into you.

a big part of my problem is trust issues. my father was involved in this aswell as a family doctor of mine and then over the years I have had so many docs that just stuffed me full of meds and made me more sick, so i dont trust others when it comes to my healing. I trust Nis, so very completely because she really vibes with my reality and we are on the same page, and she is very intelligent and is big on personal soverignty and so I have worked with her a few of times in deprogrammin and session work.

my depression and moods have gotten alot better, but the anxiety is thru the roof. and its the underlyning fears and core beliefs that feed this anxiety. i have battles going on inside of me. there are some parts of me that loathe themselves and believe they are bad and not worthy and other parts of me that know how awesome I am he he..I have come along way..but there is still a long way to go. I always enjoyed your view on things Sowelu and I respect you because I think you are intelligent and intuitive and Nis respects you alot too..i was wondering if you have any insight into getting at those core beliefs or anything else..I woudl welcome others insight aswell..you are all very intelligent and loving people here..
thanks so much
love shan

[menguard]

Myrrhiel,

(Embrace) every part of you with (light )and( love).In the" Love vibration" things cannot support low density ailments.Pull in as much love/light your body can handle.Give as much of your true self /essence until it stops hurting or passes like a phase of the light body .Let go of (past routines) or (descriptions) of "reality "that no longer suit you."Heal the parts of you that need healing", address them with the respect they deserve so you can move on."Don't acknowledge the promblem, acknowledge the solution"

[Edward]

healing16 said:

Hi there..
its been awhile since I have been on this site but Sowelu, you have been popping in my head for the last few days so I thought I would come in and get your perspective on things when you get a chance, plus Nis it probably tired of hearing all my stuff..he he he..

Well I have been at this healing process for a long while now but just recently in the last year or so started focusing on emotional healing..I have had some awesome advice and guidance from Nis and some other pals but for some reason I'd really love to here your perspective on things..

just to recap things, i was daignosed as bipolar when i was about 20, have fibromyalgia and interstitial cystitis (bladder disorder) and been sick since i was about 16. I have always been an anxious person. i was on tuns of meds for years which really made me worse and kept the emotions numbed, but when i started getting off the meds, the emotions and memories started to surface.

long story short, i realized/remembered that i was a 'victim' ( i use that term lighty because I knowingly incarnated into that situation to try and help put a stop to it) of ritual abuse and government/military expirimentation through my cildhood and adolescence and this very much arrested my emotional development and core beliefs were programmed into my head as a child that i cant seem to let go of and debiltate me today.

Intellectually I know these beliefs are not true but they are so engrained. the more I heal and work, the more I realize these core beliefs are the root of so many of my problems. I dont have one inner child, i have inner child alters, some who took over for others, during the abuse. there are so many parts of me that feel 'bad' and damaged and unworthy and sub-human, not deserving and incapable to feel happy and peaceful. there are some parts of me that sabotage my healing because they are frightened or dont think i deserve to heal. i know that all seems so silly and there are parts of me that 'know' that isnt the case, but how to you get at those beliefs that are so engrained, even programmed into you.

a big part of my problem is trust issues. my father was involved in this aswell as a family doctor of mine and then over the years I have had so many docs that just stuffed me full of meds and made me more sick, so i dont trust others when it comes to my healing. I trust Nis, so very completely because she really vibes with my reality and we are on the same page, and she is very intelligent and is big on personal soverignty and so I have worked with her a few of times in deprogrammin and session work.

my depression and moods have gotten alot better, but the anxiety is thru the roof. and its the underlyning fears and core beliefs that feed this anxiety. i have battles going on inside of me. there are some parts of me that loathe themselves and believe they are bad and not worthy and other parts of me that know how awesome I am he he..I have come along way..but there is still a long way to go. I always enjoyed your view on things Sowelu and I respect you because I think you are intelligent and intuitive and Nis respects you alot too..i was wondering if you have any insight into getting at those core beliefs or anything else..I woudl welcome others insight aswell..you are all very intelligent and loving people here..
thanks so much
love shan

Shannon,

I know exactly where you are and what you are feeling/going through. The anxiety, the self loathing, the fears or being in adequate or not good enough in what you do or are doing. Wether that be in your life our your spiritual awakening.

What I would suggest is to listen to yourself, give yourself credit. You have made such leaps and bounds and that is not an understatement. You truely have. Allow yourself to just be and experience what you have in your life instead of always seemingly correcting things. Yes corrections need to be made from time to time. This is how we grow and learn from our lessons. The thing is not being so over-barring and so over analyzing your life where as you bring on high anxiety and self-loathing. Allow yourself to just be and go with the flow. Know that you are not falling behind or you are not at the right vibration or anything that seems to keep you in self-doubt. Just allow for you to be you. Do the things you like, the things you want to change in your life will indeed change. It shall happen naturally and effortlessly if we allow ourselves to be ourselves. The thing that tends to get in the way of things is "Us". We think too much, we worry too much and we bring about so many things into our mind that make us worry, fear, cry ect.....We just need to allow for us to go through these experiences for we are naturally scared of these things. You have to know deep in your heart that having these concerns are ok to have. It is a necessary part of the journey.

There is a time in your life to shape and a time to just allow. When you find yourself in anxiety and self-loathing you know you are trying to shape too much and it is time to just allow yourself to just be.


(((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))))))

Peace, Love and Enlightenment,

Ed

[healing16]

thank you guys so much for your wonderful advice so far. i knew there was a reason I came back on here..he he..i am really bad for that. I have always been a perfectionist and I guess i am still like that with my healing process. i dont allow myself to just be. sometimes i just forget the simple things and need the reminders...thanks again..
love shan

[Sowelu]

((((((Shannon!))))))

Hi Sweet Angel!

What a path you've taken on in this life, huh? My goodness, you must be one of our more powerful Angel healers! Bless you!!

Would it surprise you to know that most of us are "Composite" Beings? There's a certain comfort in realizing this. Here in a human form, with the whole personality thing and all, we tend to think of ourselves as a singular Being, with a singular this and that, etc. The truth is that while that's "true" enough for most during a human incarnation, we are actually multi-leveled, multi-faceted and multi-experiencing. You, my dear, seem to be a wee bit more aware of some of your "multi-ness", and with purpose, no doubt.

I've been called bi-polar myself, by those close to me, as they watch me move through the changes and healing process on this path. It is just a description of a temporary status as we move through the energies we chose to take on during this life. And it's a rather apt description, frankly. As with all things, there's a seed of truth in even the most unbecoming labels and ideas.

This ascension process - or the path of enlightenment, actually - is likely to produce a degree of "bi-polar-ness" in most of us. The reason is because the mind lives in duality, which means there are "two sides" to every idea as far as its concerned. And it is the mind we are integrating with our heart. Our heart lives in unity, our mind lives in duality.

The mind overtly cops to/owns one "side" of an idea, and covertly aligns with the other "side". It "believes" in one thing, and secretly represses the possibility of it's opposite. BOTH of these untruths live within our energies until we heal the situation, and they play tug-of-war within. When we start healing this mind of ours, bringing it all to our heart, we must face these "both sides" of every issue. So... we swing back and forth, from false fear to false confidence, and back again.

CENTER. You have one, you know. And it's GRAND! It's beautiful, it's loving, it's knowing, and it has the capacity for all aspects of you to be caressed in truth and love.

Have you heard the phrase "the solution cannot be found at the level at which the problem exists"? We need to go either to a higher level, or a lower one. In the case of self-love in human beings, and the mind that prevents that, it's usually both.

What fuels the mind to continue the tug-of-war? Fear energy lying in pockets within our energy field. What is fear? It is simply truth in distortion. This flow of truth energy gets held back within us when we misinterpret life during our early years here. This is with purpose for those of us on the Path. We chose to take on the distortions in order to experience them as humanity has felt them for a very long time. We literally empathize with those living "the human condition" by doing this. And then... we heal the distortions with our light. This sends healing waves into the mass consciousness, and this is our loving service.

And we do this by facing fears, yes, but the how has changed for many of us lately. We often needn't "go down low" to find these fear pockets anymore (going to a lower level to find the solution to the problem). We've done a good bit of that work already. Now and then, perhaps, it will be necessary, but for the most part there is another way...

We can finally, most of us, now go to a higher level to solve the problem. And that higher level is our heart, where our Essence of Self resides. Where there are no distortions, only truth. It's not as hard as it seems, but it sure does seem hard for most of us. LOL!

Can I tell you a secret, Shannon? When I connect with your energy, I don't feel all your problems and health issues at all. I don't feel a heaviness, either, though I know you struggle at the living level.

When I connect to your energy, I feel YOU. The truth of you. And YOU are a sweet, beautiful and quite powerful Angel. I don't need another to verify this because I FEEL it. SO clearly! And...

You KNOW this. You really do KNOW WHO YOU ARE.

THIS is what you need now. This power, this strength and love that is your essential nature, is the higher level to access for healing. And it doesn't require that you "muster" it or seek it out or lasso it for your use. No.

What's required is that you "settle back into it", relax into it and REMEMBER. I can see you right now with a twinkle in your eye, as you feel this truth. THIS is who you are. Brave, strong, deeeeeeeply loving and completely equipped to live the life you're living, from your center. Remember? You CHOSE this! This life of challenges is uniquely suited to your amazing talents! The smile spreads a little on your face, but then a shadow of doubt creeps in. Send it away! The doubt is not who you are. That twinkle, that relishing of life... that is you, Shannon.

Within your Being is more awareness of how to heal you than any external authority will ever produce. There is no physical magic bullet. No "psychological" one either. No medicine, therapy or elixir that is crafted in the outside world that will "fix" you. In part that's because... YOU'RE NOT BROKEN! ;D

The kicker to all of this mind-programming shtuff that's gone on is that IT CAN'T OVERRIDE WHO WE ARE. And YOU KNOW THIS! It's precisely why you chose to take it on, Shannon! Your love, your connection to your Source is SO complete and eternal that you KNEW you could come here and take this on and "conquer" it by simply applying the truth of you to it. The human mind is only a portion of us, and only resident while we exist with a personality in a human existence. YOU, however, are far, far more than that.

Settle back into those enormous loving wings of yours. Your "God's Arms" that are always supporting you, wherever in Creation you may roam. Can you feel them? Tenderly holding you, embracing you? Let the love from this Angelic Essence that is You flow forth and infuse your cells. Feel the tingles? That's love, loving you. You DESERVE that. You NEED that. ONLY that. There is nothing else! And remember, Shannon, you ARE that.

THIS is what is needed now. YOU. The REAL you.

I love you
Sowelu

[liza]

Wow, Sowey!

Myrrhiel

[healing16]

thanks for the hug Liza and Sowelu..WOW. between you and Oprah today i am one big crying machine. thank you thank you thank you..i DID feel me, and my LOVE and my essence while reading your post and it felt sooooo awesome. I havent feel that in a long time. I am going to copy that and keep it in my files. I need to get out of my mind and into that loving place and feel my 'awesomeness' so much more often. it felt great like big warm hug. thank heavens i didnt incarnate here alone and have all of you to remind me of the simplicity and beauty of Love. i love you too Sowelu
love shannon