Post by bluerose on Jul 17, 2004 11:32:23 GMT -5
[glow=blue,2,A]Ok ok ok.....I am soooooo retarded.[/glow] 
[glow=blue,2,A]I was feeling like EVERYTHING was WRONG, NOTHING was OK.
Here was the list:
No phone jack to connect to internet dial up and one couldn't be installed
No cable jack to connect to high speed internet and one couldn't be installed
Went wireless - wireless wasn't connecting to modem
"short" in the ceiling fan in the office
swamp cooler not working
hot and cold hooked up wrong on the washing machine
heat not working on the dryer
lights out back not working
Jeremiah going to Iraq, first to Najaf, now to Baghdad.
So I thought I could fix some of them - bought a new laptop, bought a new ceiling fan, had someone come to fix the swamp cooler, had someone come to install the new ceiling fan, blah blah blah blah blah...
Well, last night as I was falling asleep, I was feeling this STRONG urge to get over it. I just wanted to finally face it - stop fighting it - whatever IT was, I just needed to say "Ok, I am ready for ANYTHING in finding out what this is all about."
Then I heard a very loud, strong, firm, male voice say, "Jennifer, it IS all OK." With this unspoken attitude that I interpreted as, "You're just not trusting it and so you can't see it, damnit!"
So, this mornin I woke up and this other guy came to look at the swamp cooler. And to my surprise, it's cool in the house! LOL! He said, "seems your cooler is working just fine."
So he went in and looked at the ceiling fan. He worked in there for a bit, then asked, "Is there a remote for this?" We had forgotten, but there was, so we got it out of the closet. The battery was dead, so we couldn't use it.
BUT...the reason we thought there was a short, and this is why I feel sooo fucking retarded, is because all that happened was a light bulb went out! LMAO! So we saw the spark and thought, "oh shit!" And the rest of the lights were dim, rather than to full strength, which is something that is controlled only on the remote, which we had forgotten we had!
Well, when the heat wasn't working on the dryer, the guy noticed the breaker had just been blown. He turned it back on and sure enough, no problems.
So, we didn't need the new ceiling fan, we didn't need a new dryer, this guy just now switched the hot and cold on the washer for us - he just used a tool that we didn't have, which made it easy, and my mom just looked at the weather and the reason why the swamp cooler "isn't working" is because the humidity is 57%!!!!! No wonder we're acting like we're DIEING! Humidity here is usually 6%, 8% and on a really high day, 20%! So, humidity completely defeats the purpose of having a swamp cooler.
This has been a HUGE time of transition for me, moving into a house from an apartment, upgrading to all these new things, having to learn about how things work in a house.
It's like a mini-version in the physical of me operating IN a new system, but still trying to use the rules of the old system. It just doesn't work, yet everything really IS OK, I was just lacking the patience and trust through the transition.
My God, I feel a HUGE sense of relief, as if I can breathe after having been holding my breath for soooo long!
It has been humid here lately, and maybe that's just a weather change that we are all going to have to adapt to in this state. I told my mom that if I get this job, I will be able to save the money for us to convert over to refridgerated air for next year, which will be the next step in us adapting to this new way of life.
Well, the lights I bought for out back aren't supposed to give off a lot of light, they're just for lighting a pathway. I didn't pay attention to what I was buying.
And Jeremiah being in Iraq, well, I have no control over that. So the ONLY thing I can do is be patient and trust, as hard as it is to do, it is the ONLY thing I can do, so I have to.
I HONESTLY could not see it. I am absolutely SHOCKED now, but I was really fighting this transition - fighting change - fighting this new way of living, even though it was what I wanted, I was trying to hold on to what I knew to be familiar even though it was no longer necessary.
[/glow]
[glow=blue,2,A]I was feeling like EVERYTHING was WRONG, NOTHING was OK.
Here was the list:
No phone jack to connect to internet dial up and one couldn't be installed
No cable jack to connect to high speed internet and one couldn't be installed
Went wireless - wireless wasn't connecting to modem
"short" in the ceiling fan in the office
swamp cooler not working
hot and cold hooked up wrong on the washing machine
heat not working on the dryer
lights out back not working
Jeremiah going to Iraq, first to Najaf, now to Baghdad.
So I thought I could fix some of them - bought a new laptop, bought a new ceiling fan, had someone come to fix the swamp cooler, had someone come to install the new ceiling fan, blah blah blah blah blah...
Well, last night as I was falling asleep, I was feeling this STRONG urge to get over it. I just wanted to finally face it - stop fighting it - whatever IT was, I just needed to say "Ok, I am ready for ANYTHING in finding out what this is all about."
Then I heard a very loud, strong, firm, male voice say, "Jennifer, it IS all OK." With this unspoken attitude that I interpreted as, "You're just not trusting it and so you can't see it, damnit!"
So, this mornin I woke up and this other guy came to look at the swamp cooler. And to my surprise, it's cool in the house! LOL! He said, "seems your cooler is working just fine."
So he went in and looked at the ceiling fan. He worked in there for a bit, then asked, "Is there a remote for this?" We had forgotten, but there was, so we got it out of the closet. The battery was dead, so we couldn't use it.
BUT...the reason we thought there was a short, and this is why I feel sooo fucking retarded, is because all that happened was a light bulb went out! LMAO! So we saw the spark and thought, "oh shit!" And the rest of the lights were dim, rather than to full strength, which is something that is controlled only on the remote, which we had forgotten we had!
Well, when the heat wasn't working on the dryer, the guy noticed the breaker had just been blown. He turned it back on and sure enough, no problems.
So, we didn't need the new ceiling fan, we didn't need a new dryer, this guy just now switched the hot and cold on the washer for us - he just used a tool that we didn't have, which made it easy, and my mom just looked at the weather and the reason why the swamp cooler "isn't working" is because the humidity is 57%!!!!! No wonder we're acting like we're DIEING! Humidity here is usually 6%, 8% and on a really high day, 20%! So, humidity completely defeats the purpose of having a swamp cooler.
This has been a HUGE time of transition for me, moving into a house from an apartment, upgrading to all these new things, having to learn about how things work in a house.
It's like a mini-version in the physical of me operating IN a new system, but still trying to use the rules of the old system. It just doesn't work, yet everything really IS OK, I was just lacking the patience and trust through the transition.
My God, I feel a HUGE sense of relief, as if I can breathe after having been holding my breath for soooo long!
It has been humid here lately, and maybe that's just a weather change that we are all going to have to adapt to in this state. I told my mom that if I get this job, I will be able to save the money for us to convert over to refridgerated air for next year, which will be the next step in us adapting to this new way of life.
Well, the lights I bought for out back aren't supposed to give off a lot of light, they're just for lighting a pathway. I didn't pay attention to what I was buying.
And Jeremiah being in Iraq, well, I have no control over that. So the ONLY thing I can do is be patient and trust, as hard as it is to do, it is the ONLY thing I can do, so I have to.
I HONESTLY could not see it. I am absolutely SHOCKED now, but I was really fighting this transition - fighting change - fighting this new way of living, even though it was what I wanted, I was trying to hold on to what I knew to be familiar even though it was no longer necessary.
[/glow]
It also ties in with a recent experience I had with another friend-- but that is ending all quite well, don't you worry