Post by healing16 on Apr 16, 2005 0:16:53 GMT -5
hey guys..
I was talking to ED tonite and he brought up the EC board and i really missed it..it was a much needed break and even now I dont know how often I'll be here or what'll happend but i do know that i do need to process alot. ok i realise alot of what i am about to write is irrational, just my emotions and my IC fearing its death and rejection and she needs to process and clear..it really bothered me when Rob showed up here because first of all, I didnt know that he was going to be joining any groups on the comupter, he had never been apart of anything like this before, this kind of spirituality thing was my sort of thing and he didnt even tell me he joined, and since there were definately boundary issues and trust issues and dishonesty issues in our relationship on the past (on both sides), when he showed up here, i thought "oh great..he's spying on me"..and i never even confronted him about the fact that i saw his name in the members list until much later..he says that he found this group randomly and i dont necessarily believe him, so even though he's getting alot of help here now..and i believe there are no accidents..so he is here for a reason, i still believe that he came here in the first place to 'spy' on me in a sense and that hurts me..and it hurts me becasue on a number of different occasions the IC in him fekt threatened by my devotion to healing and spirituality and he became insecure about it and felt it took priority over him and he said some really mean things about me and my beliefs which really hurt me. so i would think..well if you think i am so wacky, then why are you even on this board. i really felt that he was just here to keep an eye on my and i felt invaded (boundary issues). Then when he was posting about our relationhip, i really tried to ignore the posts and not get involved but it was much too soon after out break up and i felt soo uncomfortable with him posting about it and then when you all were trying to help us process and clear..i really felt like saying : ya know what..stay the hell out of it..you have know idea what is going on, what rob or myself is really like and what we're going thru" and i felt like rob was presenting one side of himself on this board, but then would email me privately and say some pretty mean things..i realize he is just hurt and his IC was just fearing rejection..but it still hurt. this all brought up abandonment and loyalty issues i have...my IC was wanting you guys to be loyal to me and partial to me, even thoug i know rationally as counsellors, moderators, and people trying to help us clear and grow, you were trying to help us both get thru this..my IC was like..I was here first and i felt like iwas closer to some of you and it seems like you are taking his side ect ect..I wanted to say "how do you thikn you would feel if your recently broke up ex was here on this forum posting about all this ect ect.." i felt like you guys were approaching it so rationally and not really taking the moment to empathize how it must feel..i liked it when Sowelu said something about yes everyone being able to process and clear when they were ready..and i certainly wasnt ready..i felt betrayed by Rob, who was my best freind in the whole world..and i felt betrayed by people who i thought should understand better how i felt about this..and
I was talking to ED tonite and he brought up the EC board and i really missed it..it was a much needed break and even now I dont know how often I'll be here or what'll happend but i do know that i do need to process alot. ok i realise alot of what i am about to write is irrational, just my emotions and my IC fearing its death and rejection and she needs to process and clear..it really bothered me when Rob showed up here because first of all, I didnt know that he was going to be joining any groups on the comupter, he had never been apart of anything like this before, this kind of spirituality thing was my sort of thing and he didnt even tell me he joined, and since there were definately boundary issues and trust issues and dishonesty issues in our relationship on the past (on both sides), when he showed up here, i thought "oh great..he's spying on me"..and i never even confronted him about the fact that i saw his name in the members list until much later..he says that he found this group randomly and i dont necessarily believe him, so even though he's getting alot of help here now..and i believe there are no accidents..so he is here for a reason, i still believe that he came here in the first place to 'spy' on me in a sense and that hurts me..and it hurts me becasue on a number of different occasions the IC in him fekt threatened by my devotion to healing and spirituality and he became insecure about it and felt it took priority over him and he said some really mean things about me and my beliefs which really hurt me. so i would think..well if you think i am so wacky, then why are you even on this board. i really felt that he was just here to keep an eye on my and i felt invaded (boundary issues). Then when he was posting about our relationhip, i really tried to ignore the posts and not get involved but it was much too soon after out break up and i felt soo uncomfortable with him posting about it and then when you all were trying to help us process and clear..i really felt like saying : ya know what..stay the hell out of it..you have know idea what is going on, what rob or myself is really like and what we're going thru" and i felt like rob was presenting one side of himself on this board, but then would email me privately and say some pretty mean things..i realize he is just hurt and his IC was just fearing rejection..but it still hurt. this all brought up abandonment and loyalty issues i have...my IC was wanting you guys to be loyal to me and partial to me, even thoug i know rationally as counsellors, moderators, and people trying to help us clear and grow, you were trying to help us both get thru this..my IC was like..I was here first and i felt like iwas closer to some of you and it seems like you are taking his side ect ect..I wanted to say "how do you thikn you would feel if your recently broke up ex was here on this forum posting about all this ect ect.." i felt like you guys were approaching it so rationally and not really taking the moment to empathize how it must feel..i liked it when Sowelu said something about yes everyone being able to process and clear when they were ready..and i certainly wasnt ready..i felt betrayed by Rob, who was my best freind in the whole world..and i felt betrayed by people who i thought should understand better how i felt about this..and
