A little clearing and changing belief system

[Nicole]

I am going through a bunch of crap. I think once I'm out of it I will have cleared another level so to speak. Not sure but I think my way out of this one is to literally change my belief system once again in relation to some things. I am sick for one thing, and tired. Literally, not jokingly. I went to the doctor yesterday again for the second time in two weeks. It was a doc in the box thing. Saw a different one than I saw the time before but at the same place. The guy didn't even look at me and told me I had allergies. I was so pissed because I have done one round of antibiotics so far and re-developed sinus stuff, yellow snot, and a sore throat. Luckily the first doc gave me 1 refill on those so I went to get it instead of the flonase and steroid that he prescribed. First thing that comes to mind on this one is to trust my intuition FIRST. I KNOW I am sick. I never go to the doctor but knew I needed to. I second guessed myself and decided to do a muscle test (don't really know how but have seen it done) and the results were debatable. That's when I decided fuck it I know I need the antibiotics even though I know they're not necessarily good for you either. LOL See, first time around I second guessed even going to the dr because I don't do that - prefer to self heal if I can. LOL Nice hole I have dug.

And I'm sick of being fat. I've been sick of it, but I have been too damn tired to go to the gym. And I have also convinced myself I will never lose weight without stopping drinking coke. Well, who says? I guess I have said. I've been trying to break this one for awhile and haven't done it yet but now I'm sick to death of this limiting belief. I like coke and I'm going to drink it and enjoy the hell out of it.

I'm also sick of the fat though. I have decided it will be easy to lose and I'm sticking to that story from now on. I'm going to buy a diet aid to jumpstart my weight loss and I am not going to beat myself up about it. The outside does not match my inside and that has to change. I acknowledge I have to participate in this so I'm going to stop picking my face (another issue - been doing this obsessively every day for 20 years) and get some exercise. But I won't be obsessive over what type of exercise and think only that will aid in weight loss. Hiking for fun will be fine. I want to wear fun clothes again and be sexy and like what I see - key word is WHAT I SEE - when I look in the mirror. I shopped for clothes yesterday for an event I have to attend and it sickened me. NO MORE!!

One more thing I have decided. I am entitled to unlimited abundance and resources and so is everyone else. Whether they get it or not is their business - I am only concerned with me and I am entitled and so be it. I will not put a sticker price on it. I want unlimited resources and that's that. Whatever I want. And I deserve it.

I think my life will be easier once I modify these beliefs permanently. And it's part of my sovereignty, ya know? I don't have to ask the universe for shit. I only have to KNOW myself and the universe will know how to respond. Until now I haven't gotten that for some reason. And I guess it's ok - I had to work on other types of lessons first.

Whew - guess that's why I've been going poopy since yesterday? LOL Good for me - I had a long dry spell in that area! hehehe

Now, if I can just find 50 cents for a coke.....(I'm at work).

[AgeA]

'And I'm sick of being fat. I've been sick of it'

I feel for you Nicole. Don't you know that being 'fat' is the sign of the stuck energy. Have you asked your IC why does it keeps putting on those extra pounds?

LoL I use to have to be very skinny and tall and I am still. I wanted to be fatter (bigger) so to speak but no matter what I did I just stay the same way lol. May be it is time to let go and stop pretending for all of us something that we are not.

2005 is the year of freedom of the soul dont you know that...



btw Nicole have you remembered me yet?

[Nicole]

No Orancia! But you keep "popping up" everywhere so I know I must know you from sometime ;D

If you remember anything I would love to hear it. Sometimes the memory just needs to be jogged ya know.

I am getting a little smidgen of something right now, though, but I can't articulate it into English so I'll let it sit. And again, go ahead and speak up if you have anything.

[Monikah]

<,Don't you know that being 'fat' is the sign of the stuck energy.>>

Not always. Some people have gained weight as their light bodies have grounded more. They need more 3D body to carry the light body. It's really OK for a metaphysician to be fat. I urge caution when using this as a blanket statement about people.

[healing16]

Hey Nik...
you probably already know this but just in case, ithought i'd post it anyways..colloidal silver is a very powerful anti-biotic, even more so then the synthetic ones prescribes many times because we ahvent developed resistance to it yet...i almost never take anti's described be docs cuz i am allergic to most of them and they do throw your system off kilter..and the CS always works..even for really bad stuff..but if do feel u must take the anti's, taking acidophlous will help keep the balance..and prevent you from getting much of the nasty side effects from anti's...but i'm sure you're inner guidance will let u know which way to go...good luck with it all..being sick sucks...by the way..i have been one walking ball of illness since I was born and have learned, the hard way about alot of natural remedies, etc..with a number of diiffernt conditions and illness..so if i can ever be of any help..please let me know..
lov Myrr

[Nicole]

Myrr,

I just read about CS last night in regards to this. You saying this just lets me know to pay attention and go get some! LOL I have taken it before but not for a cold, but I will try it asap.

Just to comment on what Monikah wrote, as far as the body expanding for a light body, that makes sense. But as I said, the inner does not reflect the outer, and this isn't acceptable to me anymore. The outer should reflect the inner IMO. I do not see myself or feel like what I look like now. And I am not happy. It has nothing to do with the fat. It has to do with my perception of myself. Not how others perceive me. And I don't like what I see. It represents to me bad health (which I have), lack of strength (which I lack physically now), lack of self esteem (which I'm getting), and lack of giving a shit about my self and my appearance.

Truth is, I love clothes but haven't loved them on me in several years now. It's no fun. It should be fun. I want to look at myself and be in awe. I do when I envision myself on the inside, but not on the out. It needs to match.

I clarified this because I want to be clear that I'm not commenting on fat people in general. I'm commenting on myself. My opinion is the only one that counts about me, ya know? And my opinion is that I don't like it, period. (getting off soapbox now LOL)

[healing16]

Good for you Nicole...
I can see a super sexy you in the future..not sexy cuz anyone else thinks you are, because I'm sure they already think you are, but sexy cuz you FEEL sexy and love the way you feel and look..
love Myrr

[Nicole]

hehehe!!

And I'll send you ALL a picture of my sexy self!


;D

LMAO!!

Thanks for cheering me up Myrr!

[Sowelu]

Wow, can I relate to this post, Nicole!

The weight thing has really got me down lately, on and off. I noticed that when I'm in harmony, in my heart, I don't much care. I'm quite content to just be whatever I am and the weight is no barrier to that peace. But most of the time, I have to participate at some level in this world, and that's when the weight becomes a real annoying aspect of my being, generating anger quickly.

I have no clothes that fit anymore, and the way I like to wear clothes, I can't anymore. All the lines and curves of my body have changed, most pronounced in the last year, actually. I also don't enjoy looking at new clothes I might potentially buy, because they just sit on my form - no style, no sensual pleasure, no visual appeal.

I dislike exercise, though, which becomes a resentful piece in my anger: "I will NOT start exercising JUST to alter my form! I've never enjoyed exercising and I'm not about to start just for this! I refuse to invest so much of my energy in a 'merely physical' pursuit. Spirit got my body this way because I've been so dedicated on this path, Spirit can alter it back, dammit!" *heehee*

Unlike you, however, I haven't really resolved anything yet.

Congrats on making some decisions around all of this and I wish the best, most blessed experience in your changes! (((((Hugs)))))

Love you!
Sowelu

[seaoffeeling]

[glow=red,2,300]You go gyrl!!

;D[/glow]

[Edward]

You are absolutely right Nicole!!! You deserve everything you ask for. You don't need permission. This is your life, your incarnation and your creation. You ask and you shall create. I totally understand your frustrations.


Peace, Love and Enlightenment,


Ed

[liza]

I understand, Nicole!

Not easy looking at the mirror, I know.
I hate shopping, too, and I still cant fit into my old pants either. *hiss*

LOL about the coke addiction!

Are you feeling better, physically, from the flu?
That's got to suck... I've gotten two types of flu within two weeks, and I know exactly what you mean!

I've found having some hot oatmeal and having hot baths frequently relieves some of this suffering, and I'm a very squeaky clean girl now.

A banana a day keeps away the damn doctor for me, too. Imp doesnt like how the docs prescribe shit without really looking at the patients either, so he doesnt go to docs even if he's feeling seriously sick. I guess all we can do is stuff ourselves with multivitaims, or get a second opinion from another doctor.

I dont know what sort of input you were seeking from us, so I sort of went with what was right off my head.. if I didnt give the kind of input you were looking for, then I apologize. I am still interested in what exactly you wanted to hear from us, Nicole!

[Nicole]

Thanks Liza! Actually, a banana, oatmeal, and a hot bath sound really GOOD! LOL

[liza]

LOL how are things going in this line, Nicole?!!

[Nicole]

Well, I began losing a few pounds and then got sick and not able to eat. And guess what? Dammit, I don't know if I"m swollen or what but I am still the same size and have hardly eaten in a week! So go figure. It's energetic I believe and will pass though.