Post by Nicole on Jun 23, 2004 14:18:16 GMT -5
I wanted to post about a lesson I've recently learned. Or that I HOPE I've learned. LOL
Let me start at the beginning...
Since I started my most intense emotional clearing - not consciously mind you - when my mother lost her job years ago and I was fresh out of college and didn't have a dime to my name, and my days of endless money and fun were over, I have been in a perpetual state of lack. A lot of it was perceived while the rest of it was a manifestation of that perception. I still got what I needed but that was it. I had a real hard time manifesting stuff I wanted and then felt guilty when that manifestation came to be because it meant that either I was going to forego something I NEEDED or that I was taking away from something my family wanted or needed to satisfy my own wants.
So this pattern goes on. Since Shaun and I have been together and have had "real" jobs, we've never had money for anything we wanted. We've never been able to go to the store and buy something that strikes our fancy. We've never been able to buy clothes (not kidding!). We have to be choosy at the grocery. Etc. etc. We've never been able to have fun and get what we WANT.
So, you all have read about this house thing. Well, it is no more and I hope what I have written and what I'm going to write here will help others who may see this in their own situations.
You know how things are supposed to flow? The money will be there, the people, and the opportunity. That's how you know something is right and to go with it. Everything flowed regarding the course of action I took that led up to this. I got a job, got what I asked for regarding money, got what I asked for as far as the job itself, easily and quickly found a house, got approved for the loan, etc etc. It just flowed perfectly.
But then it stopped. We put our house on the market. We have sold two homes already and we know how it goes. It has been on the market over a month and not one person has come into it. This is not normal. On top of this, in order to sell our home we have made ourselves miserable. We have alienated our dogs - they have had to spend all of their time outdoors without us and when indoors they have to stay downstairs in a concrete area without us. We have put our daughters toys away. We have cleaned and cleaned and worried about it being clean.
But, more than this, we have not spent hardly a dime of my new income. We have been on one income for two years and now have a lot of extra money coming in but we have not allowed ourselves to spend it. It's like we finally got some cash and our ICs feel as if we're still being punished for something. That's what's coming from mine anyway. At any rate, we have not had any FUN, and we certainly have not been enjoying ourselves. Upon reflection, it almost seems as if we are punishing ourselves.
And the house, well, the new one we were building wasn't big enough. We lied to ourselves about it, both of us did. We were not getting what we wanted. We were settling. So we cancelled it.
So we finally heard our wakeup call. We considered getting a house we wanted, but realized then that we had not had any fun and that we would not be having any fun for a while if we immediately purchased a new home. So guess what? We have decided to go out and blow money as we feel like it. We're buying new clothes. We're buying a new camera. We're going to take a trip. We're even going to buy some new bath towels and whatever the hell we decide we want. And what's more, we are either going to not sell our home or we are going to put some boundaries up regarding showing it, like 24 hours notice. Turns out that one of the lessons was to do it how I wanted to do it, not how others said I should. Why? Because I was not enjoying it AT ALL! And we are going to enjoy ourselves and our family again.
No wonder things stopped flowing huh? I think as far as abundance is concerned I will have to re-learn how to have fun with it again. But I figure that this time I won't have to ever be without again because I'm understanding how the universe works in regards to it much better. That and I've cleared some karma from past lives regarding it! **smile**
Love,
Nicole
Let me start at the beginning...
Since I started my most intense emotional clearing - not consciously mind you - when my mother lost her job years ago and I was fresh out of college and didn't have a dime to my name, and my days of endless money and fun were over, I have been in a perpetual state of lack. A lot of it was perceived while the rest of it was a manifestation of that perception. I still got what I needed but that was it. I had a real hard time manifesting stuff I wanted and then felt guilty when that manifestation came to be because it meant that either I was going to forego something I NEEDED or that I was taking away from something my family wanted or needed to satisfy my own wants.
So this pattern goes on. Since Shaun and I have been together and have had "real" jobs, we've never had money for anything we wanted. We've never been able to go to the store and buy something that strikes our fancy. We've never been able to buy clothes (not kidding!). We have to be choosy at the grocery. Etc. etc. We've never been able to have fun and get what we WANT.
So, you all have read about this house thing. Well, it is no more and I hope what I have written and what I'm going to write here will help others who may see this in their own situations.
You know how things are supposed to flow? The money will be there, the people, and the opportunity. That's how you know something is right and to go with it. Everything flowed regarding the course of action I took that led up to this. I got a job, got what I asked for regarding money, got what I asked for as far as the job itself, easily and quickly found a house, got approved for the loan, etc etc. It just flowed perfectly.
But then it stopped. We put our house on the market. We have sold two homes already and we know how it goes. It has been on the market over a month and not one person has come into it. This is not normal. On top of this, in order to sell our home we have made ourselves miserable. We have alienated our dogs - they have had to spend all of their time outdoors without us and when indoors they have to stay downstairs in a concrete area without us. We have put our daughters toys away. We have cleaned and cleaned and worried about it being clean.
But, more than this, we have not spent hardly a dime of my new income. We have been on one income for two years and now have a lot of extra money coming in but we have not allowed ourselves to spend it. It's like we finally got some cash and our ICs feel as if we're still being punished for something. That's what's coming from mine anyway. At any rate, we have not had any FUN, and we certainly have not been enjoying ourselves. Upon reflection, it almost seems as if we are punishing ourselves.
And the house, well, the new one we were building wasn't big enough. We lied to ourselves about it, both of us did. We were not getting what we wanted. We were settling. So we cancelled it.
So we finally heard our wakeup call. We considered getting a house we wanted, but realized then that we had not had any fun and that we would not be having any fun for a while if we immediately purchased a new home. So guess what? We have decided to go out and blow money as we feel like it. We're buying new clothes. We're buying a new camera. We're going to take a trip. We're even going to buy some new bath towels and whatever the hell we decide we want. And what's more, we are either going to not sell our home or we are going to put some boundaries up regarding showing it, like 24 hours notice. Turns out that one of the lessons was to do it how I wanted to do it, not how others said I should. Why? Because I was not enjoying it AT ALL! And we are going to enjoy ourselves and our family again.
No wonder things stopped flowing huh? I think as far as abundance is concerned I will have to re-learn how to have fun with it again. But I figure that this time I won't have to ever be without again because I'm understanding how the universe works in regards to it much better. That and I've cleared some karma from past lives regarding it! **smile**
Love,
Nicole
