How I apply what I know to current life scenarios

[Sowelu]

I honestly don't feel this actually belongs here in this board, but EC is currently set up in such a way that here seems the only place it would be appropriate within this old structure. So for now... this is where I'm posting it.

Lili has mentioned being interested in how people are living NOW, applying all they've discovered along their path, things like that. Well... I have a situation in my life I've considered writing about many times, but haven't.

The reason I haven't written this in a public community (or this family-based space), is because I don't want advice or more facts and figures and statistics, or other people's beliefs, etc.

So why write at all? Perhaps others are going through difficult decision-making processes around how to respond from their center in similar situations, or feel a need to discuss things of this nature... things like that.

I'm writing now mostly because Lili has asked this question about how we live differently given all we've discovered along the way, and I think that's a great idea. This story is a good example of a struggle I've had since I got to this planet, and how I deal with it differently today versus how I might have perceived it and/or what I might have responded with when I was younger.


My mother is dealing with the rise of all her emotional repression throughout her life, and its impacting her in ways that the medical establishment labels "alzheimer's".

Notice that I refrain from saying "my mother has alzheimer's"? This is because I don't adhere to the medical establishments views on our health or the processes that occur within our bodies as we shift and change throughout our lives. I see what's happening to my mother as something that stems from the repression of emotional energies throughout her life. Energies she "controlled" with her mind, that now will no longer stay in line. They're wreaking havoc on her ability to know herself in a given moment, or keep a thread of consistency throughout her day.

I don't see this as a necessarily "bad thing", incidentally. I love my mother incredibly deeply, she's been an amazing gift in my life in so many ways... and she has been unhappy with herself all her life. I see this stage of processes going on inside her as a freeing... even if it ends in her death. And if it doesn't, a chance for new life while still in form.

My mother first had to suppress her nature while living with her parents as a child. Her father "ruled the roost" and what he said, went. He insisted that she be different than her naturally growing self wanted to be. Though she tried to mold herself to fit his needs, she also faught her father until she finally ran away to her Aunt and Uncles, at about 12 yrs old the first time, and several times after until it stuck around 14, I believe.

To this day, my mother will express only one feeling for her deceased father: utter hatred. She believes it's not only justified but righteous, and that he should not be loved by anyone or anything. In her view, he doesn't deserve love, even from God.

Which of course leads us to her second oppresser in her life, which was/is indeed the male God she was raised with. Raised in a Catholic household, she's always felt the pressure to live as this male God of that Church dictates she should. And though she HAS... she's also resented it every step of the way. Much like she did with her physical father.

And her third oppresser has been my father. Now... my father is one of the most heart-based and compassionate males I've known on this earth, don't get me wrong. And he's most often interested only in doing what's right, from a loving place, with regard to all things. He has served my Mother in many ways, nurturing her, supporting her inherent nature, trusting her wisdom, etc. for over 50 years. But...

This is where the story gets complicated. He is the one who is attempting to rally me and my other siblings to support him in trying to convince my mother she should take a pill that is supposed to arrest the progression of alzheimer's, even though my mother has no interest in taking it.

I've never been fond of outright forcing, nor coercion or manipulation of any kind. It's just... not my way, I guess. I will demand when it's for myself, or cut ties or move on or let go, etc. when it's for myself. And love all those involved throughout, regardless. But this is a different scenario.

My father is asking me to help him coerce my mother into doing something she doesn't want to do and I don't believe in to begin with! I don't take any medications of any kind and haven't my whole life.

So... where's the problem, one might ask? Well... I also don't have any desire to coerce my father into believing as I do. I also have no desire to "convince" anyone of anything at all. AND... I DO choose to love UNCONDITIONALLY.

So... it does not matter what conditions exist, my aim and essence is intent on loving completely.

So what constitutes true love in this circumstance? This is my guiding question... the one that takes me through the paces of ferreting out WHO I AM in the face of this whole thing.

To love my father, according to him, would involve supporting him in making this decision for my mother and then forcing her to go along with it. Loving him may also involve saying no to him, and letting him feel the consequences of his choice alone. Or it may involve having a heart-to-heart discussion with him, provided he's open to it and able. Or none of that.

To love my mother in this situation would be to what? According to my father it would be to do what he's choosing to do, because he's determined it's the best thing for her. Loving her may also involve letting this whole thing go and letting her fight it out with my father, just the two of them. Or it may involve having a heart-to-heart with her, provided she's open to it and able. Or none of that.

To love myself in this situation would be to what? Stand firm in what I believe and refuse to help in any way because it might mean compromising myself? Or to offer my unique form of help, the only kind I have to give, by expressing what I understand of my mother's condition from my heart, and see where things move from there? Going there to be with them but say nothing, do nothing to "side" with anyone, being a non-biased loving energy? Something else? None of the above?

I'm still in the process of working this out, mind you, but as I mentioned, I'm not asking for advice or suggestions or facts or anything of that sort. I'm sharing my experience, is all. Perhaps some of you can relate, I don't know.

My process through this is incredibly edifying for me, though!

First I end up feeling and expressing from all the preferences and prejudices and fears and whatever other ugly stuff there may be. Then I see clearer what those biases are really all about, where they stem from, what they serve, etc. and I can let them go.

Then I feel and express from all the supposedly "loving" perspectives that turn out to be based in bias too. Once I can see what those biases are based in I can let them go, too.

Then I'm left with only love. And what would love do?

So far, I can say comfortably that real love serves ALL INVOLVED without bias. It does not exclude anyone in it's solutions.

And that love might do any number of things in this situation, in truth. What does it depend on? It depends on ME. It depends on the varying factors most specifically related to WHO I AM in this moment.

Love is ALL. Not just this or that. Not borne of judgment but not aside from it either.

So... there's my situation, my story of today, and just one of the kinds of scenarios I've faced - or face in an ongoing way - in my life lately.

Thanks for reading... or not.

I may or may not add to this as things progress for me. Oh! My father called minutes before I began this post, asking me to appear with him and my mother before a doctor to convince my mother... this Thursday morning at a very early hour. I live almost 3 hours away, so the pressure is on to determine for myself just what I choose to do... and soon!! So I may or may not write more here, not sure right now.

Thanks again... for a place to put this, I guess. LOL!

Much love,
Sowelu

[Sowelu]

Well, only a few minutes have passed and I've decided I have more to express! LOL!

There are far more aspects to this whole situation in play, some subtle, some more obvious. I'm keenly aware of all of it, really, but not yet clear on what constitutes right action for me.

For instance... what does my mother truly want? I can feel a passionate rise in me at the prospect of helping people realize that THEY HAVE A CHOICE. Not just a choice of whether or not to take meds, but whether or not to buy into the established paradigm of thought around what's happening to her! That she can choose to see her situation quite differently than science does!

If I were to put the question to her, "What do you want to do in this situation?" without expressing any of what I know in my heart about it all, what would she say?

I can guess that she would say she doesn't believe there's anything wrong with her (because she's said this already to my father when refusing to take the pill), and go into a lot of anger around being forced, etc. (She's gotten vile toward him and accused him of wanting to put her away and things like that - typical of others in her situation, no doubt!)

If I shared with her what I suspect is going on - that this is an opportunity being offered, by her soul, to let go of all that has made her what she's been thus far in her life (that she's so angry about, still)... and if she chooses to do so consciously there may well be the gift of new life while still remaining here. Or, that it may well equate to the death of her conscious life altogether, whereby she becomes the ward of another until her body dies. What would she choose?

What does her soul want for her in this? Firstly, my sense is that her soul may want her to choose (because I feel such a rise within my own energies, when that idea is presented). If she has the information offered, she can then choose for herself. Many would say that the choice is being made for her already, because she's got this disease she didn't want.

But... in my way of understanding things... she has this issue (what others call "alzheimer's") on the table because of all the previous subconscious choices she's made in the past. Namely, choices made from fear that kept her limited mind at the helm, protecting her from feeling all that's now on the rise in her in such a chaotic way. So this "disease" is a physical accumulation of all those choices that she's so angry about. And it's not necessarily "irreversable".

She has been fighting this tooth and nail, even though her memory is slipping greatly. In other words, whenever she's "here and now" enough with her awareness, she does NOT want to buy into alzheimer's and take a pill to halt it's progress.

This may be guidance, frankly. She has always been guided in her life, and she follows those instinctive and intuitive urgings faithfully. This might explain why, when my father finally cried to her about his fears around her illness and why he wanted her to take the pill, she acquiesced for a few days. But then, she woke one day in absolute refusal of taking the pill again... and hasn't since. As though... she cannot follow a path that isn't aligned with her heart, even if she can't remember what day it is!

I realize that a medical professional would see that scenario differently, and attribute a different cause to her change of heart, of course. But then... I'm not interested in the old view, you know?

I get excited at the prospect of my mother choosing to go a different route with this situation than the norm for "people her age" or the norm for "standard society". I also realize it could easily follow the same pattern of deterioration we see in so many, anyway. But still... I feel strongly that a conscious choice, while she's still able to make one, counts for a helluva lot to the soul and the eternal essence of the individual!! And that... excites me.

And I'm also aware that if I don't show up for the appointment my father just made, neither of them will hear this other view I have. If I don't get involved at all, express my view despite the potential of upsetting the apple cart, so to say... then the only options available are those provided by the old, established order. That makes my heart sad, truth to tell.

I'm not attached to one or both of them believing me, or following my advice or any of that... but to not offer this other possibility when I'm so aware of it myself... seems remiss, somehow. Even if they, once it's given, discard it as nonsense... at least it was a new door of opportunity in their environment for them to use their free will around.

Hmmmm.... well, so there you go, a little more of what moves in me around it all.

With love,
Sowelu

[Sowelu]

After I wrote all this up I realized that people might refrain from posting anything at all because I made it clear I wasn't looking for advice or suggestions, etc. I just want to say that discussion is fine, comments et al.

I'll go through this in whatever way I come to on my own, but it is a situation that many face on this earth, and so if there are others who want discussion or to comment, that's fine.

[LilliHart]

HI Sowelu,
Wow, so glad you shared this. I would like to make a few comments regarding the way I have faced something sort of similar with my own mother over the last few years.

Mom has very severe spinal stenosis which in essence is the growth of calcification in the spine which pinches off the spinal nerves to her legs and feet. She suffers from creeping paralysis and tremendous pain. She has often repeated the phrase "I can't stand it" when referring to anything and everything she doesn't like or can't cope with...i.e. life in almost all aspects where she can't 'stand' on her own two feet.

She started taking Oxycodone, a narcotic for pain years ago.

As time has worn on her knees have given out. She's going to be 87. Last year she had one replaced and after the surgery they gave her morphine. She went into a drug induced coma for 3 days and nearly bit the final bite. When she came out of it her doctor was livid because he had no idea that she had been taking all the Oxycodone which is a morphine like derivative. He pronounced her a confirmed drug addict and refused to give her any more narcotics for pain and she had to recover from her knee replacement with not much more than aspirin.

Now she needs the other knee replaced.

At the time I was jumping up and down all over her about her additction. She couldn't even talk to me for about a month because she was so stoned on whatever she was taking for the pain from the first knee. although the doc didn't give her anything of a narcotic nature, someone sure was and she was as wacked out as she could get.

Now, I am a retired homeopath and healer as well as a hypnotherapist and have spent the better part of the last 25 years helping people get off drugs and deal with pain, predominantly emotional in nature.

My brother went to visit mom last week for the first time in several years. It was a sudden and unexpected visit on his part. He generally dislikes her very much. I asked him why he decided to go. He told me he wanted to help her with her pain management and teach her self hypnosis. At 86. After I stopped laughing I told him this.

I told him I have tried for 20 years to help her with her pain and her habit. She doesn't want help. She used to humor me and do what I would suggest for a few days or whatever and then right back on the old track. I could never understand it and it frustrated me for a long time, until now.

Now I realize what's going on. Her habit is there to help her kill her pain...her knees, her back, her memories and her life. She wants to forget. The drugs allow her to forget, to live out the remainder of her life in bliss. She takes just enough to keep the edge off. She still drives, lives alone, can walk...mostly, does her own cooking, plays bridge and goes to her red hat luncheons. But she has forgotten the rest. My father's abuse and neglect, my brother's abandonment, my disdain and dislike of the way she is. She's forgotten all the things that cause her pain and heart ache and her life is good.

Sowely, alzheimers is the forgetting disease. It sounds like your monther has a bunch of stuff she wants to forget and mostly having to do with the strong men in her life...including the one who wants her to take the pill and the doctor who is probably a male too. Maybe the most high minded and enlightened thing for her is to choose to be loyal to her nature which is what it sounds like from what you say. She may not have wanted alzheimers but she wants to forget and live out her life in peace I would guess.

When I realized my mother wanted to forget I was able to utilize my hard found ability to love her and let her go. For ME, I stopped trying to heal her and help her and let her heal what was left of her mind in the way she chose. It is not for me to decide how to help her get illuminated or grow. I stopped trying to help her see herself deeply, or do anything that might bring her to pain, because surely the self realization game is a double edged sword. Maybe she doesn't want to grow, just end on a high note...no pun intended.

Anyway, it's good to hear your story. I'm looking forward to hearing how you deal with the situation in your own unique way.

Love,
LILI

[Sowelu]

((((Thanks, Lili!))))

I agree that it seems as though my mother would like to "forget", however the situation involves my father. This is where it all gets complicated. I probably didn't go into enough of what's actually going on for someone looking in to see it well, but he is her main (only) care-giver. She has rejected this doctor already, because the doctor informed my mother she has alzheimer's.

She's vile and violent and awful to my father because she's decided he ruined her life. She doesn't want pills AND she refuses treatment of any kind (including emotional healing so far if only because it hasn't been presented as an option), and is downright awful to live with. Eventually... there will perhaps come a time when she no longer remembers who she once was or what she wishes she did with her life, but for now... this is where all her anger is, and it's spewed at my father in the most hateful ways, too often.

So he wants, of course, to "control" this outburst phenomenon. For her to remain as much of herself as they both know her to be for as long as possible, and then let her slip away quickly at some future time, I guess. My way would be to "let it rip" because I've done so much of it myself in this life, and I understand the value of emotional outpouring... but then again, it has value if one is looking for it. She may not be.

And that leads me to the other option I didn't really go into, which is... if my mother is truly given the view I have as well as the medical establishment's view, she may well consciously choose (for that moment, anyway) to do what's necessary to "forget" in a kinder, softer way than "letting her rip", so to say. In other words, she may stay true to the being she's been most of her life and make a conscious choice, again, to repress those unpleasant emotions and die without having to deal with them in any conscious way... or any unconscious way.

I honestly don't know.

Thanks for writing, Lili! (((((Hugs))))) I seem to be getting inner messages that all is well and if I choose to go... I will flow with what's most appropriate to flow from me. Living from the heart isn't really about rehearsing, but since I was not able to simply hear this latest stuff and remain calm, I had to explore all of this... for my own awareness growth, you know?

As you said, we'll see what I come up with in my own unique way... soon.

Love you!!! (((Hugs!)))
Sowelu

[Sowelu]

Another piece in all of this I haven't really gone into much is that none of us are who we *think* we are, anyway. This is what someone with memory loss and brain dysfunction "loses": Their mind-based self-identity, as well as their mental perception of life in linear time.

None of that is who we are.

Oh sure, it's damn hard to let it go, but isn't that what we've all been consciously working on all these years anyway?

So while I appreciate that this is a "forgetting disease" as you called it, Lili, what gets forgotten was never truly real anyway. The heart is ever present, as is the Soul. Regardless of a person's mental interface with this reality.

So... in light of your comment about it maybe being my mother's choice to forget... is it her choice to forget her human-based conception of self but remain a viable life expression here? And continuing through living from her heart? Or is it her choice to forget and die in a subsumation type scenario, you know? Or are there other choices in this that I can't see from here, that her Soul is intending... ?

It isn't clear to me, and I find the scientific viewpoint lacking a greater self perspective, if you will. I'm not being told by her higher self or soul, but that doesn't say much either since I don't have that kind of communication going on in my life anyway, for any reason. LOL

So again... lots of pieces and vantage points to view it all from, lots more questions than answers... and only the heart to rely on in the end... the mind can't encompass all of this with a solution of any kind. But that is what medical science offers... a limited mind solution. So... perhaps I can hold a space for something bigger and less limited to enter. Maybe not.

Love you!
Sowelu