Trust

[bluerose]

[glow=blue,2,300]Ok, this is kind of hard for me to say, but I am feeling the words I said to Sea, that it is important an OK to do so. I also feel like it's going to just be a MAJOR breaking of a lifelong habit, which is going to be part of A LOT of "shattering of illusions" in that everything I have relied on is no longer useful anymore in this new way of life.

So my thing is Trust. It is extremely difficult for me to trust anyone, anything. I initially trusted my mom right away last night and supported her in calling the plumber. Then when I got to the house, I thought it was probably working just fine and didn't trust anything anymore.

Well, my mom just called me and said the plumber came this morning and the pump WAS out. So he replaced it and it's working great now.

I know a lot of my not being able to trust has a lot to do with the line of work I've chosen, but I would think that I could still be able to trust some things. I trust myself most of the time. I guess it's like, "How do I know when it's OK to trust?"

So, I'm totally confused, but I know trust is an issue here and I'm not sure what to do about it, but I guess this is at least a start.

(any comments are fine)[/glow]

[seaoffeeling]

[glow=red,2,300]First of all, Jenn, you showed a great deal, a profound deal, of trust in opening up and sharing here. It's a friggin' hard thing to do!! But you know, it's incredibly inspiring and heart-warming to others, which I'm increasingly realizing. It's hard to think of what to say, because my impression when I read your clearing and venting posts is that you already have all the tools you need to figure it out. In short, I have trust and faith in you that you can do it. I can relate to your post quite well, because trust used to be a major issue for me also. I equate trust with taking a leap of faith. When trust is difficult, but you're aware and open to working on it, then it feels like jumping off a cliff to see if there's any land there. But the more you do it, the more you discover that you're right. And the few times you're not, well, it's a learning experience, and you also learn that you didn't get destroyed by it.

Congratulations Jenn! You're well on your way

Love you!
-SeaofFeeling[/glow]

[bluerose]

[glow=blue,2,300]Ah, thanks Sea! ::HUGS::

Ya know, I should know this....but I guess sometimes I forget.

I took the ULTIMATE leap of faith on my 20th birthday, 5 years ago. I went bungee jumping. LOL!

I actually feel really good right now. I just finished cleaning up the old apartment and got every last bit of everything out.

It's OVER. I am complete!

On the final drive HOME, as I was crossing "the dead zone" which is this area of the road (street name Universe) where cell phones drop calls, I had this feeling, "You are not just now going through a transition, you have been in one for years. The reason this has been so hard for you now is because the transition is coming to an end and you are finally coming into your own."

WHOA! I just started crying....it was just the best feeling ever. But sad at the same time, for leaving the old behind, but like a huge weight had been lifted at the same time.

So, I feel good now. Tired, exhausted, but good. ;D

Thanks so much guys for putting up with my recent insanity. LOL![/glow]

[seaoffeeling]

[glow=blue,2,300]"You are not just now going through a transition, you have been in one for years. The reason this has been so hard for you now is because the transition is coming to an end and you are finally coming into your own."[/glow]

[glow=red,2,300]This part of your post popped out at me. This could very well apply to my own life as well. I sincerely do hope that I'm coming to the end of my own transition, as I'm TIRED! Your inner wisdom is amazing, Jenn. That's why I have so much faith in you

Love you!
-SeaofFeeling[/glow]

[liza]

RECENT insanity??? ;D

Thanks for sharing your process with us, Jenn! I absolutely honor that. Love you, chickie!

[bluerose]

[glow=blue,2,300]Awww THANKS guys! [/glow]