Post by ADMIN on Dec 15, 2005 12:21:41 GMT -5
The History of Medicine
"Doctor, I have an earache."
2000 B.C.
Here, eat this root
1000 A.D.
That root is heathen. Here, say this prayer.
1850 A.D.
That prayer is superstition. Here, drink this potion.
1940 A.D.
That potion is snake oil. Here, swallow this pill.
1985 A.D.
That pill is ineffective. Here, take this antibiotic.
2000 A.D.
That antibiotic doesn't work anymore. Here, eat this root.
—(unknown author)
What if the Hokey-Pokey is really what it's all about?
I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves.
—August Strindberg
I have every sympathy with the American who was so horrified by what he had read about the effects of smoking that he gave up reading.
—Henry G. Strauss
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. As they lay down for the night, Holmes asked: "Watson, look up into the sky and tell me what you see."
Watson said, "I see millions and millions of stars."
Holmes: "And what does that tell you?"
Watson: "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Metaphysically, it tells me that Spirit is with us and all we see is one, that we are a piece of God.
Meteorologically, it tells me that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"
Holmes: "Elementary, my dear Watson. Somebody stole our tent."
A wise one once said, "You know how to make God laugh? Tell Him (Her) your plans."
I don't suffer from insanity — I enjoy every minute of it!
I do the very best I know how the very best I can;
and mean to keep doing so until the end.
If the end brings me out all right,
what is said against me won't amount to anything.
If the end brings me out wrong,
ten angels swearing I was right would make no difference.
—Abraham Lincoln
Oh God, please help me become the person my dog thinks I am.
Creation
The story of creation,
Not difficult to tell:
God created man,
And man created Hell.
—Emily Albrink
Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you would want to have dinner with.
Attainable Affirmations
(Submitted by iVillager Sharon C.)
1. As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I am in touch with my inner sociopath.
2. I have the power to channel my imagination into ever—soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia.
3. I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else's fault.
4. I no longer need to punish, deceive, or compromise myself, unless I want to stay employed.
5. In some cultures what I do would be considered normal.
6. Having control over myself is almost as good as having control over others.
7. My intuition nearly makes up for my lack of self-judgment.
8. I honor my personality flaws for without them I would have no personality at all.
9. Joan of Arc heard voices, too.
10. I am grateful that I am not as judgmental as all those censorious, self-righteous people around me.
11. I need not suffer in silence while I can still moan, whimper and complain.
12. As I learn the innermost secrets of people around me, they reward me in many ways to keep me quiet.
13. When someone hurts me, I know that forgiveness is cheaper than a lawsuit, but not nearly as gratifying.
14. The first step is to say nice things about myself. The second, to do nice things for myself. The third, to find someone to buy me nice things.
15. As I learn to trust the universe, I no longer need to carry a gun.
16. All of me is beautiful, even the ugly, stupid and disgusting parts.
17. I am at one with my duality.
18. Blessed are the flexible, for they can tie themselves into knots.
19. Only a lack of imagination saves me from immobilizing myself with imaginary fears.
20. I will strive to live each day as if it were my 50th birthday.
21. I honor and express all facets of my being, regardless of state and local laws.
22. Today I will gladly share my experience and advice, for there are no sweeter words than "I told you so!"
23. False hope is better than no hope at all.
24. A good scapegoat is almost as good as a solution.
25. Just for today, I will not sit in my living room all day in my underwear in the Hollywood Cafe. Instead, I will move my computer into the bedroom.
26. Who can I blame for my problems? Just give me a minute...I'll find someone.
27. Why should I waste my time reliving the past when I can spend it worrying about the future?
28. The complete lack of evidence is the surest sign that the conspiracy is working.
29. I am learning that criticism is not nearly as effective as sabotage.
30. Becoming aware of my character defects leads me naturally to the next step of blaming my parents.
31. To have a successful relationship, I must learn to make it look like I'm giving as much as I'm getting.
32. I am willing to make the mistakes if someone else is willing to learn from them.
33. Before I criticize a man, I walk a mile in his shoes. That way, if he gets angry, he's a mile away and barefoot.
"Doctor, I have an earache."
2000 B.C.
Here, eat this root
1000 A.D.
That root is heathen. Here, say this prayer.
1850 A.D.
That prayer is superstition. Here, drink this potion.
1940 A.D.
That potion is snake oil. Here, swallow this pill.
1985 A.D.
That pill is ineffective. Here, take this antibiotic.
2000 A.D.
That antibiotic doesn't work anymore. Here, eat this root.
—(unknown author)
What if the Hokey-Pokey is really what it's all about?
I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves.
—August Strindberg
I have every sympathy with the American who was so horrified by what he had read about the effects of smoking that he gave up reading.
—Henry G. Strauss
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. As they lay down for the night, Holmes asked: "Watson, look up into the sky and tell me what you see."
Watson said, "I see millions and millions of stars."
Holmes: "And what does that tell you?"
Watson: "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Metaphysically, it tells me that Spirit is with us and all we see is one, that we are a piece of God.
Meteorologically, it tells me that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"
Holmes: "Elementary, my dear Watson. Somebody stole our tent."
A wise one once said, "You know how to make God laugh? Tell Him (Her) your plans."
I don't suffer from insanity — I enjoy every minute of it!
I do the very best I know how the very best I can;
and mean to keep doing so until the end.
If the end brings me out all right,
what is said against me won't amount to anything.
If the end brings me out wrong,
ten angels swearing I was right would make no difference.
—Abraham Lincoln
Oh God, please help me become the person my dog thinks I am.
Creation
The story of creation,
Not difficult to tell:
God created man,
And man created Hell.
—Emily Albrink
Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you would want to have dinner with.
Attainable Affirmations
(Submitted by iVillager Sharon C.)
1. As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I am in touch with my inner sociopath.
2. I have the power to channel my imagination into ever—soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia.
3. I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else's fault.
4. I no longer need to punish, deceive, or compromise myself, unless I want to stay employed.
5. In some cultures what I do would be considered normal.
6. Having control over myself is almost as good as having control over others.
7. My intuition nearly makes up for my lack of self-judgment.
8. I honor my personality flaws for without them I would have no personality at all.
9. Joan of Arc heard voices, too.
10. I am grateful that I am not as judgmental as all those censorious, self-righteous people around me.
11. I need not suffer in silence while I can still moan, whimper and complain.
12. As I learn the innermost secrets of people around me, they reward me in many ways to keep me quiet.
13. When someone hurts me, I know that forgiveness is cheaper than a lawsuit, but not nearly as gratifying.
14. The first step is to say nice things about myself. The second, to do nice things for myself. The third, to find someone to buy me nice things.
15. As I learn to trust the universe, I no longer need to carry a gun.
16. All of me is beautiful, even the ugly, stupid and disgusting parts.
17. I am at one with my duality.
18. Blessed are the flexible, for they can tie themselves into knots.
19. Only a lack of imagination saves me from immobilizing myself with imaginary fears.
20. I will strive to live each day as if it were my 50th birthday.
21. I honor and express all facets of my being, regardless of state and local laws.
22. Today I will gladly share my experience and advice, for there are no sweeter words than "I told you so!"
23. False hope is better than no hope at all.
24. A good scapegoat is almost as good as a solution.
25. Just for today, I will not sit in my living room all day in my underwear in the Hollywood Cafe. Instead, I will move my computer into the bedroom.
26. Who can I blame for my problems? Just give me a minute...I'll find someone.
27. Why should I waste my time reliving the past when I can spend it worrying about the future?
28. The complete lack of evidence is the surest sign that the conspiracy is working.
29. I am learning that criticism is not nearly as effective as sabotage.
30. Becoming aware of my character defects leads me naturally to the next step of blaming my parents.
31. To have a successful relationship, I must learn to make it look like I'm giving as much as I'm getting.
32. I am willing to make the mistakes if someone else is willing to learn from them.
33. Before I criticize a man, I walk a mile in his shoes. That way, if he gets angry, he's a mile away and barefoot.
