Post by Nicole on Dec 8, 2005 9:51:15 GMT -5
Didn't know if this was news or humor hehehe....
RUMSFELD: WAR IN IRAQ GOING WELL ON EARTH II
Reports Significant Process in Parallel Universe
Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld today announced that despite the steady drumbeat of bad news about the war in Iraq, the war is actually going very well in the parallel universe known as Earth II.
Secretary Rumsfeld made his comments about Earth II in a press briefing at the Pentagon, where he blasted the press for "not reporting all of the good news coming out of Earth II."
With that, the defense secretary unfurled a map of Earth II, showing a terrain more familiar to science fiction fans and video game enthusiasts than to the general public.
According to the defense secretary, on Earth II Iraqi troops are being trained at a rate much faster than anticipated and the insurgency is "on the verge of crumbling."
Additionally, Iraqis have embraced democracy, causing freedom to flower in such neighboring countries as "Iran II, Egypt II and Saudi Arabia II."
Partially because of these gains, Mr. Rumsfeld said, President Bush's approval rating on Earth II currently stands at 89 percent.
Secretary Rumsfeld brushed aside a reporter's question about escalating violence in Iraq, saying that his new policy was to answer "no questions whatsoever" that involve Earth I.
"The press would be better served if they would get off the planet they're on and start living in a parallel universe, like all of us in this Administration do," Mr. Rumsfeld said.
Elsewhere, one day after actor Mel Gibson announced that he would produce a four-hour miniseries about the Holocaust, singer Courtney Love said that she would produce a four-hour miniseries about sobriety.
www.Borowitzreport.com
RUMSFELD: WAR IN IRAQ GOING WELL ON EARTH II
Reports Significant Process in Parallel Universe
Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld today announced that despite the steady drumbeat of bad news about the war in Iraq, the war is actually going very well in the parallel universe known as Earth II.
Secretary Rumsfeld made his comments about Earth II in a press briefing at the Pentagon, where he blasted the press for "not reporting all of the good news coming out of Earth II."
With that, the defense secretary unfurled a map of Earth II, showing a terrain more familiar to science fiction fans and video game enthusiasts than to the general public.
According to the defense secretary, on Earth II Iraqi troops are being trained at a rate much faster than anticipated and the insurgency is "on the verge of crumbling."
Additionally, Iraqis have embraced democracy, causing freedom to flower in such neighboring countries as "Iran II, Egypt II and Saudi Arabia II."
Partially because of these gains, Mr. Rumsfeld said, President Bush's approval rating on Earth II currently stands at 89 percent.
Secretary Rumsfeld brushed aside a reporter's question about escalating violence in Iraq, saying that his new policy was to answer "no questions whatsoever" that involve Earth I.
"The press would be better served if they would get off the planet they're on and start living in a parallel universe, like all of us in this Administration do," Mr. Rumsfeld said.
Elsewhere, one day after actor Mel Gibson announced that he would produce a four-hour miniseries about the Holocaust, singer Courtney Love said that she would produce a four-hour miniseries about sobriety.
www.Borowitzreport.com
