Osirian Initiation – My Trip to the Hospital

[Sowelu]

 
 

Osirian Initiation
– My Trip to the Hospital –
By Sarah Biermann
July, 2010

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Osiris was known as the Dying God, the God of the Dead and ruler of the Underworld. He was killed by his brother Set and magically brought back to life by his sister/wife Isis. Thus he is the God of Resurrection. When a dead Pharaoh was prepared for eternal life the priests believed that they made the Pharaoh one with Osiris. Thus the Pharaoh would be resurrected into spiritual life with Osiris. By the way, the ritual preparation of the body lasted for the length of time that the star Sirius was thought to be in the underworld (not scene in the night sky).

There are a lot of associations between Osiris and Jesus.

Invocation of Osiris:

"I am Osiris Onnophris who is found perfect before the Gods. I hath said: These are the elements of my Body perfected through suffering, glorified through trial. The scent of the dying Rose is as the repressed sigh of my Suffering. And the flame-red Fire as the energy of mine undaunted Will. And the Cup of Wine is the pouring out of the blood of my heart, sacrificed unto Regeneration, unto the newer life. And the bread and salt are as the foundations of my body, which I destroy in order that they may be renewed.

I am He who is clothed with the body of flesh yet in whom flames the spirit of the eternal Gods. I am the Lord of Life. I am triumphant over Death, and whosoever partaketh with me shall with me arise. I am the manifester in Matter of Those whose abode is the Invisible. I am the purified. I stand upon the Universe. I am it's Reconciler with the eternal Gods. I am the Perfector of Matter, and without me the Universe is not.”

Near death experiences are therefore Osirian Initiations and are opportunities to resurrect yourself at a higher spiritual level.

The Hospital

As I mentioned in a previous email, in June I spent a week in the hospital. I experienced lot of really amazing spiritual and physical events. My symptoms stretched from head to toe and confused the medical staff. My eyes were swollen completely shut for the first two days, I had a sinus infection, trouble breathing (pneumonia) and totally messed up blood chemistry – my blood was so thick that they couldn’t get more than 3 ml out of me at first, a heart rate of about 110 bpm (thick blood will do that). I was unable to eat (my digestion hadn’t worked right for a long time), my joints were all really painful, especially my swollen legs, ankles and feet.

The day before I entered the hospital I had some blood tests done in anticipation of having a colonoscopy (an endoscopic examination of the colon). After getting the results of my blood work the doctor called my home. Luckily, a friend of mine was there because I would have slept through the call. She was told to take me immediately to the Emergency Room. I was only semi-conscious and really didn’t want to have to go anywhere. I was unable to walk and even with the crutches another friend had brought me it was excruciatingly painful to move. My memory is a bit foggy but somehow I ended up in the Cardiac Critical Care Unit with two I.V.s, about six heart rate monitor things stuck all over my chest and sides and an oxygen tube in my nose.

I truly learned surrender. I knew there was absolutely nothing that my local, human self could control. I relaxed and gave it over to whoever was running the show. I got to experience lots of embarrassment and shame (my favorite). It’s true what one nurse told me, “Honey, there’s no dignity in the hospital.” And I got to experience the loving care of the nursing angels who gently cleaned up after me and told me that they do this all the time, it’s no big deal.

The Visions

Luckily, there was a fabulous show going on behind my closed eyelids! Perhaps it was that I hadn’t had enough sleep recently to dream (which can lead to waking visions) or maybe it was a gift from Isis who sends energy from her star, Sirius.

In the book of Thoth there are formulae for triggering a metamorphic process that would allow the Ka, or Spirit-Soul to form an "immortal body of light", not subject to the limitations of the 3-D, physical world. From the description of the state induced by these herbs infused with this Sirian Ray, it sounds like the chemicals that are produced in the body when we experience strong emotions like love. One of these chemicals, PEA is also produced by the breakdown of tissue during the fasting process and when the body is critically ill. PEA may be responsible for triggering the visions that many people experience at these times.

Whatever the cause, I was enjoying my visions. Trips on a gurney for CT Scans, for X-rays etc. were adventures. (To me the CT scanner looked like the Star Gate on TV, “woohoo – where am I going?”) The changing lights and sounds as they wheeled me around triggered my imagination to provide scenes in caves, castles and on space ships. The unexpected drop in an elevator let me know it was time to land the ship. My hospital room was an elegantly and extravagantly decorated Turkish bed chamber. When they turned off the lights I’d see intricate, ever-changing tile designs. I “watched” the energy of the consciousness of the room change as different people came in. Orderlies did not get much response, the nurses made the room pay attention but when a doctor came in the room would almost swoon! It’s hard to describe, but I could perceive the energy flows shift and swirl around the doctors. Within the medical system doctors are Gods, and hospitals are their temples (and they know it).

Regardless of all the icky medical stuff, embarrassment and pain, I was feeling really quite content. I even felt warm and fuzzy toward the people who came in at about 5 a.m. every morning to draw blood. I felt safe, loved and loving. I was going with the flow. (For those of you who are thinking it’s because of the drugs, I wasn’t getting anything “good”. I had two kind of antibiotics, glucose, saline and other electrolytes intravenously. Three times they tried morphine IV and all three times I felt absolutely nothing. No grogginess or any relief from the pain. Go figure… They did give me Vicodin, but not a lot of it and I’ve never gotten high or felt all loving when I’ve had it before.)

The Diagnosis

It was on the third day that things changed. I was able to open a little bit of my right eye enough to see what the hospital room really looked like. Yuck! My gastroenterologist came in and scared the shit out of me (if I’d had any left in there at this point). He’s obviously very smart (he used all those big medical terms) and good at what he does, but there was no emotional connection at all. He told me about all the really bad stuff that could be wrong with me. I could read nothing from his serious deadpan face. My mind interpreted this to mean that my situation was so bad that he didn’t have any hope at all. That was not so fun.

Saint Germain

Luckily a doctor I hadn’t met before came in shortly afterwards. He was my “hospitalist”, which means that he acts like (as he put it) the quarterback during my stay in the hospital. He oversaw all the specialists, kept them informed about what the others were doing, monitored my tests and progress and explained to me, in terms that I, a non-doctor, could understand. He also happened to be really cute! As I listened to him talk I felt better. Through my limited view through a fifth of my right eyelid I watched his face change. He had a beard that wasn’t there before and there was great love radiating from his eyes. I realized that I was now in the presence of Saint Germain. I don’t remember the words, but he let me know that none of that “scary stuff” was going to happen and I was going to be fine. He also let me know that there was a reason for this experience, I hadn’t messed up, and I would eventually know what all this was about. Thank you Saint Germain.

Some of the procedures and experiences were unpleasant to really painful, but I didn’t get caught up in the trauma or drama. I knew I was ultimately safe and that everything that was happening was as it was supposed to be. This is a real blessing during these dramatic times, to maintain that spiritual level of awareness.

Over the next few days almost all of the tests came back negative. My colon isn’t doing so well and I’m still dealing with that but my heart, lungs, liver, eyes etc. are just fine. The hospitalist (I’ll call him Dr. McDreamy) paid extra attention to me, telling the nurses what a wonderful woman I was. Despite everything that I’d gone through, he said, I was always pleasant and kind. He gave them instructions to take extra good care of me. The poor guy didn’t know what hit him. I think Saint Germain put the whammy on him!

Recovery

I remember the morning I woke up hungry. It was wonderful! I hadn’t been hungry in a long time. Usually I’m not too fond of eggs, but that morning, the first day I was brought food, there was a half sphere of slightly slimy scrambled eggs and a blueberry muffin on my plate. I couldn’t eat much, but I thought those four bites of scrambled egg were the best thing ever. Curiously, I have liked scrambled ever since.

Finally, after seven days, I was granted permission to go home. By then I was really tired of being in the hospital. I got special training on how to use crutches since I still couldn’t put weight on my left leg and had prescriptions for iron and folic acid to take care of get my anemia as well medicine to sooth my digestive tract.

I’m so thankful for my sister, who came all the way from her home in Africa to take care of me. I was weak as a kitten, sleeping a lot and only able to stand up for a few minutes at a time. She kept me well fed and hydrated, took care of the kids and the house and listened while I talked about all the stuff I’d been through.

Chiron Return: The Core Wound

And now I’m at the place where I’m feeling so much better and I’ve gotten lots of “ah ha’s” about this whole experience. On one level, I was going through what’s called the Chiron Return (in my 6th house of health and work). Chiron is a planetoid named after a centaur who was known for his wisdom and his abilities as a healer. He was accidentally wounded by an arrow that had been treated with the blood of the monster Hydra. This meant that the wound would never heal but at the same time, being immortal, Chiron couldn’t die. In his search for his own cure, he learned how to heal others. (Does this sound familiar?) So Chiron is known as the Wounded Healer. Eventually Chiron gave up his immortality in order to end his suffering.

When the planetoid Chiron returns to the same place that it was in your Natal (birth) Chart (at about age 50), it catalyzes a process that restarts the ‘spiritual path’ on an essential level by exposing your core wound. By exploring and healing your core wound you are able to begin a new path without the wound.

For me the core wound had to do with Medical Doctors delivering a devastating diagnosis and prognosis. When I was 5 my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer and given only a 50% chance of living another 5 years. While this specific information wasn’t shared with me, being empathic, I knew it was really bad. My mother really hated and distrusted doctors. All sorts of bad things happened after that. My parents got divorced, my Mom, my sister and I moved and my homemaker Mom went back to school to get her Master’s Degree while also working full time. We were poor, alone and forced to eat only healthy food. Mom was terrified that the slightest bit of sugar, white flour, pesticides or artificial color would be disastrous. We were raised to fear most food. (My mom lived another 20 years, until her daughters were adults and married or engaged.)

We moved a lot for the next few years. I was a shy and lonely fifteen-year-old when I got my depressing diagnosis and prognosis, scoliosis (curvature of the spine). The medical doctors wanted to fuse a bunch of my vertebrae but we went to a chiropractor instead. I was told that I was lucky to not be paralyzed and that I would never be able to run, walk far or be out of constant treatment – for the rest of my life. The worst part was that he told me that I could never ride horses again. My horse was the most important part of my life. Being with horses was the only place that I felt confident and talented. My natural empathic abilities were an asset instead of a detriment when I was with my much-loved horse. A whole lot of really bad and sad stuff happened to me after that. I was devastated.

During my time in the hospital recently, I was presented again with a dismal diagnosis and prognosis. “Dr. Scary” was talking about powerful medications with bad side effects, nasty surgeries, and potential for cancer or my needing a liver transplant. Geez! Thank you again, Saint Germain for helping me to not get caught up in that version of reality.

A few days later I had a dream about my horse. He told me that he forgave me for leaving him there (in his paddock) for all these years and that he understood why. I cried and cried after that. I realized that a part of me believed that I was a cripple and had to be really careful with my body or at least that I couldn’t be an athlete. Of course this wounding, as with the story of Chiron, sent me on a search for healing and I became a healer myself. This is a perfect example of how a Chiron Return can manifest.

Eventually, after spending some time processing some emotional stuff (you know what I mean) I came to a decision point. I have had confidence in myself mentally and spiritually but I was not so confident about my physical body. I realized that I was kind of expecting to continue having physical discomfort and challenges (as I always have) for the rest of my life. My body basically said that she doesn’t want to live anymore if that’s the way it’s going to be. Then I saw another potential future with a vibrant, energetic, fun-loving, healthy body. I chose life with a healthy body. I am choosing to do those things that I didn’t think I could do. Even though I don’t know exactly how to get there from here, I know that I will.


Who Is Ahrazu / Osiris



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