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Post by dutchraven on Dec 2, 2005 17:14:29 GMT -5
Ali  It all sounds so familiar, what you are describing. I can see when my exbf and I will try to be friends, (and we are just starting to) we will end up hurting eachother... but I just cannot resist the pull.  Luckily he is the one ruling his heart with his head, though that hurts sometimes, he does keep the balance for not going too far. He is much wiser than I ever give him credit for (he is already apt to arrogance lol). So I guess I have to put my trust in this. And keep myself to myself in the process, so as not to lose myself again in this. Thank you for sharing Ali If my dear ex is my twinflame or not, it sure is different from everything I've ever experienced before.. sure is stretching my boundaries. But at this moment I feel strong and up to it. Much love, Dutch Raven |
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Post by liza on Dec 2, 2005 17:53:58 GMT -5
Dutch Raven - another healer in here! Excellent  I've enjoyed your enegies in the boards, and boy, have you been busy! As for flame twins, I'm not certain I fully understand that concept along with soulmates. I mean, even a best friend can be a soulmate in a platonic sense. I like to think we're all each other's soulmates in this community.. otherwise, where did the pull come from? Just interesting topic to explore together! hehe I understand how you feel about ending a relationship with someone... and still have that pull. The last relationship I was in.. wasn't the best for me, even though I considered him my soulmate and vice versa. He had so much baggage and embarked on a journey where I could not follow him. Right now, he is married to someone I adore very much.. and they are very comptiable in every way! I also found that it was possible to find love with someone else - and I don't regret every minute of it. Perhaps consider the lessons in your relationship with this soulmate of yours, and put value on the relationship based on these lessons? For instance, Chris taught me about feelings and both polarities of these feelings.. and my husband is teaching me about having boundaries and using my power. |
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Post by dutchraven on Dec 2, 2005 18:42:33 GMT -5
Liza, hi! Yes I have been busy haven't I, lol. I enjoy it so much here, but I sense there's already coming a little break time for me this weekend. So much info and so much to think about. I am an info addict, soak it up till i am overfull and then the processing starts <grin> I always use the word soulmate for people who view things as me and hold the same basic values and fields of interests, people who are friends to my soul so to speak, and yes there are many! Auround here certainly! And yes about the lessons with my ex, well you know, I couldnt go around them even if I wanted to, lol. If I'd value it by the lessons learned this experiance with him would be priceless. To compare I was in a marriage with a soulmate once, but that relationship was much gentler (god I longed back for that the past few rollercoaster years lol), but I know that isn't me. I do seek out firey challenges. <smiles> And yes I have learned alot, harsh lessons but in the end I gained more... and I have my self. As far as the friendship between me and him is concerned, I strongly feel there is unfinished business, I sense good business though, but that we can manage in the future to get along better cause I am more in my own energy now and finding ways to keep that so. (being empathic makes almost every relationship a real challenge I might add, have to work on that big time before I get into living with a person again in the future) A distance is good. I know I do miss his physical presence, but there where times that did me more harm than good, so I am ok with this situation most of the time. I don't want a life without love, so I am opening up again for the possibility of love again in my life, but I'll take the lessons I've learned with me. One can enjoy me, but not devour me. I won't let that happen again. Keeping a bit of distance next time I'm in love would be right for me... but would you remind me to do this? jk  But really, I remember how it feels to be in love, and one can easily loose her mind. Love, Dutch Raven |
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Post by liza on Dec 2, 2005 19:27:08 GMT -5
Liza, hi! Yes I have been busy haven't I, lol. I enjoy it so much here, but I sense there's already coming a little break time for me this weekend. So much info and so much to think about. I am an info addict, soak it up till i am overfull and then the processing starts <grin> I always use the word soulmate for people who view things as me and hold the same basic values and fields of interests, people who are friends to my soul so to speak, and yes there are many! Auround here certainly! And yes about the lessons with my ex, well you know, I couldnt go around them even if I wanted to, lol. If I'd value it by the lessons learned this experiance with him would be priceless. To compare I was in a marriage with a soulmate once, but that relationship was much gentler (god I longed back for that the past few rollercoaster years lol), but I know that isn't me. I do seek out firey challenges. <smiles> And yes I have learned alot, harsh lessons but in the end I gained more... and I have my self. As far as the friendship between me and him is concerned, I strongly feel there is unfinished business, I sense good business though, but that we can manage in the future to get along better cause I am more in my own energy now and finding ways to keep that so. (being empathic makes almost every relationship a real challenge I might add, have to work on that big time before I get into living with a person again in the future) A distance is good. I know I do miss his physical presence, but there where times that did me more harm than good, so I am ok with this situation most of the time. I don't want a life without love, so I am opening up again for the possibility of love again in my life, but I'll take the lessons I've learned with me. One can enjoy me, but not devour me. I won't let that happen again. Keeping a bit of distance next time I'm in love would be right for me... but would you remind me to do this? jk But really, I remember how it feels to be in love, and one can easily loose her mind. Love, Dutch Raven LOL I hear ya, sista. It's very easy to lose ourselves in parternships.. and tip over to the edge without realizing it, and then to have the consequences bite us in the asses eventually! But hey, that's one shade of grey for us to experience right? The way I figger it, we're here to experience limits and to transcend them. I could be wrong, though. I'll remind you that you wanted me to remind you when you suddenly find yourself experiencing being devoured again. HEHE JK You know, I find something very, very familiar about you! It's as if I could easily type your posts. But I am IMPatient and I'm learning to just allow others experience in any way they are My problem! LOL Sometimes I can see the bigger picture where someone else, and sort of hurry that person towards what I "preceive" to be their great potential.. but I have realized by doing that, I create a relationship of co-dependency and I'm not doing that person favors any more than she or he is doing me a favor. I think you doing really great! You come off as a very vibrant person to me willing to share knowledge and experience for the sake of helping others and yourself. PS - I am inviting you to lay on my big trampoline with me and to stargaze from this side of the mountain by spirit I think at this time of the year we can easily see Venus (I live in norway). Anyone else is welcome to join us! |
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Post by dutchraven on Dec 4, 2005 14:42:45 GMT -5
Heheh, don't worry about it, I know all about impatience, and thats a thing that bites one in the ass on a regular bases as well. Go with the flow bladibla, yeah if I am in an not so impatient mood I can do that, and the flow is most of the time not even slow!, but I know what you mean by seeing things, possibilities and things in people, situations etc, it takes soooo loooong before other people see the same things sometimes. Sometimes I can really imagine I come from somewhere else where everything was instantly seen and manifested. And maybe even better, all 'people' on the same wavelength!
I love your invite, maybe in time I can really come visit and not just in spirit. :-) I've never been to Norway. In my mind it holds two words: rock and cold and thats all about it, lol, hope that didnt offend you, I bet Norway is beautiful, I just don't know much about it.
Venus is visible in the USA as well (someone from Atlanta I know mentioned it), as well as in my country, I think I've seen it, does it look like a reddish/white big bright star?
Now off to some more mundane stuff, my house really is a mess right now, and it's beginning to annoy me even, so.. see you next time!
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Post by LilliHart on Dec 4, 2005 16:29:52 GMT -5
Ah the twin flame love relationship! Mirror, mirror on the wall, he who helps me grow big and tall? Reflections, reflections of what I need to know to learn to be who I am so I can be with myself in peace.
Those are my perambulations through my mind. A walk on the wild side! :-)
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Post by dutchraven on Dec 5, 2005 18:23:22 GMT -5
I didn't know how to respond to your post at first, I am a sucker for poetry, but I didn't want to come across as a suck up. But I am going to say it anyway.. I like your perambulation Me, I just want to relax in love next time around... enough with the harsh teachings already. <smiles> I know every relationship will be a mirror... but instead of tubelight surrounding it.. a more candlelit reflection will do |
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Post by liza on Dec 5, 2005 20:23:30 GMT -5
DutchRaven - you are too funny! Hehehe... to be honest with you, I never even thought of Norway before meeting my husband! At first glimpse, it seems like a storybook with plenty of woods and trolls - at least these themes are consistent in old norwegian bedtime stories! Cabins, lakes, fjords, glaciers, mountains, tunnels, forests, ferries across the fjords.... small towns, and several big cities like Oslo, Bergen, Kristiansand, Trondheim, and Ålesund.. I live near Ålesund, actually. I still am learning about Norway everyday. We never stop learning, huh? Mi casa es tu casa, come on right over |
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Post by LilliHart on Dec 5, 2005 21:58:07 GMT -5
You know Dutch Raven, you make it sound so lovely, so soft and fluffy and genuinely wonderful this being in love thing. I only wish it was this way for me.
It's been a really long time since I have even thought about being in love. As a matter of fact I don't think I even know how to think that thought any more.
Too many years of sorrow and pain and I just decided NO MORE and haven't in so long. And that is what opened the door and led me so deep inside. It's like there was a secret door that led to a secret garden full of little dancing divas and flowers and worms and even a few dandelions and all inside of me.
I never even knew it until I had my day with my twin flame. It's like I lived outside myself all those years, even life times and always thought what I needed and wanted was behind another set of eyes, inside another head and wrapped in another heart.
It wasn't until that other set of eyes and head and heart came into my life and tore me completely and totally asunder, raptured me with sorrow and abuse, humiliated me and nearly tore my soul from my body that I was able to find that secret garden through the secret door into self. I am one stubborn mule.
And I used to think I knew myself, that I was so smart and so wise and so powerful. And I was such a schmuck...just kidding...NO I really was so caught within my own delusion of who I was and what I wanted and needed and then, BAM!!! the end came and all that I thought I was crumbled to the ground and was washed away with my grief over years and years of weeping.
I thought I would die. No worse, I thought I would live! Have to live alone and in the sorrow forever. And as the days wore on, the light sqeaked past my tears one little shaft at at time to illuminate another part of me that I had no idea about, no ability to fathom before.
This all began in 1990 and ended in 1994 in a shambles of tears and sorrow. It was the greatest love I have ever known and then there was nothing...nothing left outside that could fulfill, offer relief, bring gentleness, provide balance...there was nothing left...but me.
And I said I never wanted to love again, not like that. My twin flame, my soul mate, my beloved came to me to show me what and who I am and where I could find a font of love and caring that would never end. And there has been lots of time and many, many times in which I have betrayed myself. Left myself by the side of the road, hated myself, turned on myself...
But, in the end it is my own company that I most enjoy. I have found my beloved, my true other half. I have discovered the river that irrigates my secret garden and I don't even have to get out of bed in the morning to go there.
No I am not at peace...not much of the time. No I am not complete at least all of the time. No I am not the wisest or the strongest or the most powerful...at least not all the time! :-) But YES I am whole with all my grunts and foibles and I know where to turn when I need the love I can't ever seem to find behind another set of eyes. I look in the mirror and there is my beloved.
Now I wish I could just remember this next time I get to seeing only the lumps and bumps. :-)
Liliahnah
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Post by LilliHart on Dec 5, 2005 21:59:41 GMT -5
Dutch Raven,
I'll bet that when you introduced yourself the other day on the board you never thought your introduction would take so many of us into so many intersting places, now didja? :-)
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Post by dutchraven on Dec 7, 2005 9:13:01 GMT -5
Liza
Oh yeah, I forgot about the trolls! There is a Scandinavian store in a neighbouring town here, wich I love, with furniture, decorations and trolls <grin>
I like the simple, sturdy designs.. and the touch of fairytale. Light and warm.
Haven't been in that store for a couple of years though (tight budget and all, ) but I feel inspired to go soon. Christmas is coming up anyway, and presents want to be bought.. 
Love,
Dutch Raven
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Post by dutchraven on Dec 7, 2005 9:35:05 GMT -5
You know Dutch Raven, you make it sound so lovely, so soft and fluffy and genuinely wonderful this being in love thing. I only wish it was this way for me. Liliahnah, it starts with a wish you know.. Being in love is the craziest thing.. scary and exciting, like being on a fun-fair ;D .. heheh Yes, I love it. A friend of mine asked me why I wasn't afraid of stepping into another relationship, or at least being open to it again, after the trouble I've been in and the rejection in the last one... I couldn't think of another answer than "I guess my heart is indestructible" I believe in love! And keep on doing that or I won't be me. What you wrote about the love-relationship with oneself, it is cool isn't it? I love when I am alone I can completely love myself without a man critisizing or judging me in any way, or anyone else for that matter, it can be very annoying. Now I can do with my time what I want and just be whatever I feel like. It seems that a love relationship endangers that somewhat, but more and more I see that that is only a fact because I give away control over MY life. Anything I loose having a love-affair is because of my own choices. And that would be choices made out of fear. Now... I will probably still have some struggles next time around, but at least I am more aware every time I experianced a togetherness like that, more aware of my own mistakes. Indeed first one has to love oneself... but it is sweet, in my eyes, to love another just as much. Balance makes perfect Now I agree we don't need a relationship to be complete. But I do think it's a personal choice. To me a life without romantic love would be a life less fun. And I do choose alot of fun! I think I have been in love for as long as I can remember. And when there was no 'special person' to be in love with at times, I sometimes just felt in love with the whole world or just with myself, lol!!, it is indeed such a happy, fluffy feeling. And the source is you. |
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Post by dutchraven on Dec 7, 2005 9:40:26 GMT -5
Dutch Raven, I'll bet that when you introduced yourself the other day on the board you never thought your introduction would take so many of us into so many intersting places, now didja? :-) no I didn't ... and yes surprising, but I guess it's alll goood ... it's been a great exchange of energies! It is an interesting place here! So I guess I just fit in, lol Thanks |
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I've enjoyed your enegies in the boards, and boy, have you been busy! As for flame twins, I'm not certain I fully understand that concept along with soulmates. I mean, even a best friend can be a soulmate in a platonic sense. I like to think we're all each other's soulmates in this community.. otherwise, where did the pull come from? Just interesting topic to explore together! hehe
But really, I remember how it feels to be in love, and one can easily loose her mind. 
