Being Judged- Anyone go through this?

[creatorgoddess]

I have always known from a little girl when something was off...but whenever I said something, I was judged as crazy, weird, gross,,I would get things that I was supposed to say and then 'get slapped on the face' because of the truth that I spoke..people have always been afraid of me, blamed me or was mad at me..especially the adults..my peers were worse WAY worse,,,I just NEVER fit in...no matter how much I tried to "just fit in" ...and the whole self-denial has made me sick...I (my IC) cried last night because we just aren't being ourselves, free, you know, free to be who we are spiritually- I love Astrology, Numerology, Feng Shui, Potions but I live with fundamental Baptist Christians, free emotionally - to scream when I need to and cry freely without feeling I have to cover my mouth,,,free to be who I am physically right now,,,Overweight and know that I have value, free mentally to have my own expressions...trying to be normal is making me sick...I want to say messages and be used of the Universe ...to do our Job and there are things that are supposed to be said and ....Now that I am emotional clearing, working on self-accceptance, I have been "delivering" messages again... I feel 'at home' somehow doing that but am scared SHITLESS as well and afraid of public ridulcle and being talked about but I can't live my lies anymore...I am sick of pretending but I am afraid of being judged! but simulateously (spelling?) and with equal power is the knowledge that I HAVE to be me and I am feel paralyzed...

Anybody get me?

[michele]

Completely and totally--absolutely..I just had this conversation
in my head tonight and I was like wow, I always know
when something is off..always! And I always know
when I am being judged or people think I am crazy.
I always blame myself and I often get blamed..so I can
totally relate..seems to go along with tremendous sensitivity.
You just helped me remember that I knew this even when
I was young. Some teachers couldn't look me in the eye
and I always knew when adults didn't like me..even
when I was quite young, I could read their minds and
9/10, I was right on..it wasn't my projection...So, thanks
for saying this..it really helped me remember.
Love,
Michele

[Monikah]

Through sexual abuse and a catholic upbringing, my intuition was shut down at an early age. I was a weird kid to my peers. Never fit. Difficult stuff to overcome.

So, CG, you're acknowledging that, even in the midst of fundamental christian baptists, you are beginning to break through those barriers and express your truths and love yourself for being yourself in all your glory? That in spite of the fear of repercussions you're ready to not be normal as society and the "machine" would have you think you need to be? You go, girl. What tremendous power!!!

One reason some people get seemingly overweight is to hold the larger light body as it grounds. I bet you have a beauty.

Blessings,
Monikah

[michele]

Thanks Mon,

The pieces are starting to come together..I have been
focusing all night and liberation is coming, I can feel it!

Whew, thanks for being such an amazing example.

Wow.

Love,
Michele

[Nicole]

I can relate to that too. One thing I can tell you is that I finally realized that I REALLY LIKE MYSELF! In fact I like myself better now than I ever have because I am being me, and I like myself more than I like most people! So when I begin to feel down because of someone else in that regard, I just remember how much I like me and how I wouldn't want me any other way!

Hope that helps!

[michele]

i love that you said you like yourself more than most..
that felt so good.............. MD

[healing16]

yes i agree Michi..that was pretty cool what Nik said....I am really starting to like me more and more..we are all awesome...yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[creatorgoddess]

ME TOO! Thanks, family for responding with SUCH understanding and compassion to my inner child, SHE is such a beauty and HONESTLY ...since this post ...my guides have been throwing lessons to us about self-acceptance and receiving ...I DO like myself..I am very kind and generous, and offer people much needed support...I help mediate and create peace...I am attractive and my essence is BRILLIANT!... Courtesy, of a much needed night on the town on Saturday...I visited my PARENTS church (My step-father and mother are the head pastor and pastor's wife) on Sunday and discovered that my truth doesn't resonate with theirs - and I WILL NO LONGER LEND MY VOICE TO SPEAK LIES (LITERAL OR OTHERWISE)

Much shifting after the post, family

To do anything else than that which brings you the most joy is DENIAL!

My love and thanks to ALL of ya'll for I know your support and love and allowance of me "getting it out" has aided my process!


NAMASTE!

Raiessha

Oh, by the way, Shari (my IC) wants to share with you guys that the Universe on Saturday night brought back to her - a boy that she used to like in high school, who appreciates her REGARDLESS OF HER WEIGHT!!! (the exclamation point were for Mom- ) and he still likes her and if her mom would stay out of the way long enough...she might be able to hang out with him...

We'll keep ya posted!

[Nicole]

See what a likeable, wonderful person you are! ? ! ? ! ?

;D

Good for you - all of you - and me too! hehehe

Hope Shari and her boy have a good time!

[healing16]

i am so excited for you creatorgoddess...

[liza]

Creativegoddess... I totally, totally get you. What I feel from you is a beautiful person. Period.

I am reminded of... a few quotes...

"Create the kind of self you will be happy to live with all your life." - Foster C. McClellan

And a little something by Dr Seuss... yeah, the children author. LOL... he said something about... just do what is in your heart. If people make a big fuss out of it, they do not matter... if people don't make a fuss out of it, they matter. What he meant was if people do not have an attachment (rather, unconditional love and understanding of your own path no matter what their beliefs or opinions are)- they are worth it. Know what I mean? I'm afraid I might not explain this well! I guess, just be yourself.. if people don't like it, they are the ones with the problems... if people are accepting of that without conditions, they are really awesome. So, just go ahead and speak your truth anyway!

I am really weird, too. *grin* Wanna join forces?

[invisibleplane]

yup even when I was younger and still today..I can't believe the way people will judge...thanks to how we're told to act judging is looked at as ok because you're usually trying to comfort your ego by finding flaws in others...one of my fav lines from my fav band, Kaddisfly:

a conditioning of the mind....



what if we conditioned our minds….
by ceasing to make judgments?
what if we saw things for what they were….
rather than what we want them to be in order to coincide with what we think we know?
what if rather than observing others and judging them….
by observing others we learn from them and judge ourselves?
perhaps through casting judgments on ourselves we will justify that case that no judgments should be cast at all….
because we really don’t have that right.
and we may then learn not to judge….
and we may then accept each other for what we are.
i think we all feel the same way about the same things….
we just don’t know it yet.

just one more way to help stop living lost in our own perceptions….

the next time you see something you’d like to hate or cast judgment on….
instead seal your lips with a smile and roll on by….
and place compassion where its due….
because we’re all living just like you.

[liza]

Thanks for sharing that song, invisibp - it's wonderful to me how some bands can disguise some great gems and gifts in concise songs that shoot a straight path to the heart. A mite more interesting than than armchair philosophy and perhaps some long-winded channelings as well.

[liza]

This is a question to everyone - are you still being "judged" for something you do or think or feel, or is all that stuff lessening in some ways?

[penndragon]

I am. And, at my age now, it's ok. I don't care about it as much. I've actually stopped trying to quote un-quote "fit in" to what society feels as mormal.

An example: Talking out of both sides of your mouth. Not feeling comfortable in your own truth.

Now, I watch other's frustration unfold when they try to please everyone and fail. The hardest part for me to watch is their eyes, after they've seen with their own eyes, how when your at different levels of developement or evolution, how the only thing you they were trying to achieve was finding or giving help. (especially with employment, not so much with people or friends in general)

example: They chose not to trust their inner judgement (feelings)and listen to someone who mis-guided them (maybe not intentionally). Their acceptance of someone else's answer, instead of their own, leads them to the painful lessons we must all learn.

In our interpersonal relationships, the hardest thing for some to say when a question is asked is:

"I don't know, what do you think?" or "I don't know, what do you feel?"

People need to feel involved. Some only feel involved when they dominate or control. I control my own destiny. But, I've learned that the best way to avoid confrontation is to ask this question 1st, step back and take some time to think about it, always go with my inner gut feeling, even if they disagree with it (it's a cooling period for them, and an affirmation period for me).

Sometimes, given time,it works for both parties, sometime it dosen't.

Remember you are different. Your answer may not be right, but it's still your answer.