Post by A.H. on Jul 17, 2006 1:23:47 GMT -5
Subject: Child Proofing
For those who alreay have children past this age, this is hilarious
For those who have children this age, this is NOT funny
For those who have children nearing this age, this is a WARNING
For those who have not yet had children, this is BIRTH CONTROL
The following came from a mother in Austin,Texas.
THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM MY CHILDREN....... (HONEST and NO KIDDING)
1.... A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2,000sq ft house
4 inches deep
2.... If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with
roller blades
they can ignite
3.... A 3 year olds voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded
restaurant
4.... If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not
strong enough to rotate a 42 lb boy wearing Batman underwear and a
Superman cape. It IS strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can to
spray paint on all 4 walls of a 20 by 20 foot room.
5.... You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.
When using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a
few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a
LONG way.
6.... The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a ball hit
by a ceiling fan
7.... When you hear the toilet flush and the words "Uhoh", it's
already too late.
8.... Brake fluid mixed with Chlorox makes smoke. And LOTS of it
9.... A six year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a
thirty six year old man says they can only do it in movies. A
magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.
10 ...Certain LEGOS will pass through the digestive tract of a 4 year old.
11... Play Dough and microwave should NEVER be used in the same sentence.
12... Super Glue is forever
13...No matter how much Jello you put in the swimming pool, you still
can't walk on water
14 Pool filters do NOT like Jello
15... VCR'S do NOT eject peanut butter and jelly sandwiches even
though TV commercials show they do.
16... Garbage bags do NOT make good parachutes
17... Marbles in gas tanks make LOTS of noise while driving.
18...You probably do NOT want to KNOW what that odour is.
19... Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do
NOT like ovens
20... The Fire Department in Austin TX has a 5 minute reponse time.
21...The spin cycle on a washing machine does NOT make earth worms dizzy.
22... It will however makes CATS dizzy.
23... Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
For those who alreay have children past this age, this is hilarious
For those who have children this age, this is NOT funny
For those who have children nearing this age, this is a WARNING
For those who have not yet had children, this is BIRTH CONTROL
The following came from a mother in Austin,Texas.
THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM MY CHILDREN....... (HONEST and NO KIDDING)
1.... A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2,000sq ft house
4 inches deep
2.... If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with
roller blades
they can ignite
3.... A 3 year olds voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded
restaurant
4.... If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not
strong enough to rotate a 42 lb boy wearing Batman underwear and a
Superman cape. It IS strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can to
spray paint on all 4 walls of a 20 by 20 foot room.
5.... You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.
When using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a
few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a
LONG way.
6.... The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a ball hit
by a ceiling fan
7.... When you hear the toilet flush and the words "Uhoh", it's
already too late.
8.... Brake fluid mixed with Chlorox makes smoke. And LOTS of it
9.... A six year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a
thirty six year old man says they can only do it in movies. A
magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.
10 ...Certain LEGOS will pass through the digestive tract of a 4 year old.
11... Play Dough and microwave should NEVER be used in the same sentence.
12... Super Glue is forever
13...No matter how much Jello you put in the swimming pool, you still
can't walk on water
14 Pool filters do NOT like Jello
15... VCR'S do NOT eject peanut butter and jelly sandwiches even
though TV commercials show they do.
16... Garbage bags do NOT make good parachutes
17... Marbles in gas tanks make LOTS of noise while driving.
18...You probably do NOT want to KNOW what that odour is.
19... Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do
NOT like ovens
20... The Fire Department in Austin TX has a 5 minute reponse time.
21...The spin cycle on a washing machine does NOT make earth worms dizzy.
22... It will however makes CATS dizzy.
23... Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.