Post by ADMIN on Mar 30, 2007 13:39:29 GMT -5
>>
>>Oh my God, this is sooo funny!!! My stomach hurts from laughing. I
>>can certainly relate!!! LOL
>>
>>
>>This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a
>>regular workout routine.
>>
>>
>>Dear Diary: For my fortieth birthday this year, my wife (the dear)
>>purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for
>>me. Although I am still in great shape since playing on my college
>>football team 25yrs ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go
>>ahead and give it a try. I called the club and made my reservation
>>with a personal trainer named Belinda, who identified herself as a
>>26 yr. old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and
>>swimwear. My wife seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get
>>started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my
>>progress.
>>
>>MONDAY: Started my day at 6:00am. Tough to get out of bed, but it
>>was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda
>>waiting for me. She was something of a Greek goddess - with blonde
>>hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!!!! She
>>took my pulse after 5 minutes on the treadmill. She was alarmed
>>that my pulse was so fast, but I attributed it to standing next to
>>her in her Lycra aerobics outfit. I enjoyed watching the skillful
>>way in which she conducte d her aerobics class after my workout
>>today. Very inspiring, Belinda was encouraging as I did my
>>sit-ups, Although my gut was already aching from holding it in the
>>whole time she was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!!
>>
>>TUESDAY: I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out
>>the door. Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar
>>into the air, and then she put weights on it! My legs were a little
>>wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda's
>>rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT!! It's a
>>whole new life for me.
>>
>>WEDNESDAY: The only way I can brush my teeth is by lying on the
>>toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over
>>it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as
>>long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in
>>the club parking lot. Belinda was impatient with me, insisting
>>that my screams bothered the other club members. Her voice is a
>>little too perky for early in the morning and when she scolds, she
>>gets this nasally whines that is VERY annoying. My chest hurts
>>when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the stair
>>monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an
>>activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda told me it would
>>help me get in shape and enjoy life. She said some other shit too.
>>
>>THURSDAY: Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth
>>exposed as her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I
>>couldn't help being a half an hour late; it took me that long to
>>tie my shoes. Belinda took me to workout with dumbbells. When she
>>was not looking, I ran and hid in the men's room. She sent Lars to
>>find me, then, as punishment, put me on the rowing machine -- which
>>I sank.
>>
>>FRIDAY: I hate that bitch Belinda more than any human being has
>>ever hated any other human being in the history of the world.
>>Stupid, skinny, anemic little cheerleading bitch. If there were a
>>part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat
>>her with it. Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have
>>any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand
>>me barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. The
>>treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition
>>teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama
>>coach or the choir director?
>>
>>SATURDAY: Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her
>>grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just
>>hearing her made me want to smash the machine with my planner.
>>However, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended
>>up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.
>>
>>SUNDAY: I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so
>>I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray
>>that next year, my wife (the other bitch), will choose a gift for
>>me that is fun --like a root canal or a vasectomy.
>>Oh my God, this is sooo funny!!! My stomach hurts from laughing. I
>>can certainly relate!!! LOL
>>
>>
>>This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a
>>regular workout routine.
>>
>>
>>Dear Diary: For my fortieth birthday this year, my wife (the dear)
>>purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for
>>me. Although I am still in great shape since playing on my college
>>football team 25yrs ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go
>>ahead and give it a try. I called the club and made my reservation
>>with a personal trainer named Belinda, who identified herself as a
>>26 yr. old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and
>>swimwear. My wife seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get
>>started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my
>>progress.
>>
>>MONDAY: Started my day at 6:00am. Tough to get out of bed, but it
>>was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda
>>waiting for me. She was something of a Greek goddess - with blonde
>>hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!!!! She
>>took my pulse after 5 minutes on the treadmill. She was alarmed
>>that my pulse was so fast, but I attributed it to standing next to
>>her in her Lycra aerobics outfit. I enjoyed watching the skillful
>>way in which she conducte d her aerobics class after my workout
>>today. Very inspiring, Belinda was encouraging as I did my
>>sit-ups, Although my gut was already aching from holding it in the
>>whole time she was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!!
>>
>>TUESDAY: I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out
>>the door. Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar
>>into the air, and then she put weights on it! My legs were a little
>>wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda's
>>rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT!! It's a
>>whole new life for me.
>>
>>WEDNESDAY: The only way I can brush my teeth is by lying on the
>>toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over
>>it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as
>>long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in
>>the club parking lot. Belinda was impatient with me, insisting
>>that my screams bothered the other club members. Her voice is a
>>little too perky for early in the morning and when she scolds, she
>>gets this nasally whines that is VERY annoying. My chest hurts
>>when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the stair
>>monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an
>>activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda told me it would
>>help me get in shape and enjoy life. She said some other shit too.
>>
>>THURSDAY: Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth
>>exposed as her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I
>>couldn't help being a half an hour late; it took me that long to
>>tie my shoes. Belinda took me to workout with dumbbells. When she
>>was not looking, I ran and hid in the men's room. She sent Lars to
>>find me, then, as punishment, put me on the rowing machine -- which
>>I sank.
>>
>>FRIDAY: I hate that bitch Belinda more than any human being has
>>ever hated any other human being in the history of the world.
>>Stupid, skinny, anemic little cheerleading bitch. If there were a
>>part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat
>>her with it. Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have
>>any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand
>>me barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. The
>>treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition
>>teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama
>>coach or the choir director?
>>
>>SATURDAY: Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her
>>grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just
>>hearing her made me want to smash the machine with my planner.
>>However, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended
>>up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.
>>
>>SUNDAY: I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so
>>I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray
>>that next year, my wife (the other bitch), will choose a gift for
>>me that is fun --like a root canal or a vasectomy.
