Dream bit applies to current thread themes

[Sowelu]

Hey all!

I wanted to share this dream bit that I had yesterday, because it keeps coming back up as I read AgeA's thread where we've all been expressing...

I was with a girlfriend and my father, and my father had windows for my friend. I was pleased he could help her install them, and I boasted how my father knew how to do things well and would set her up properly. I remember telling her how he was always good at that sort of thing and you could count on him.

Then there was something about a slip of paper, a specific type of paper, like a receipt or application of some kind, that we couldn't find (related to the windows). She was getting upset and I told her we'd find it, I knew I'd seen it, and asked her what colors of ink were on the paper. She said red and black and yellow, I believe. Something like that. I found the paper under a chair in the room where no one else had looked.

I also remember being at the beach. I remember describing how it used to be, and that now… who the hell wanted to be there? It was overrun with the nasties of this world at this point, and had become just like everywhere else, but I remembered a time when it was wonderful to spend time at the beach. Not anymore. Polluted, dirty and everywhere the stain of human limitation making it into a dank and even boring place, having no more magic.

And for the interpretation portion, here are a few symbol meanings:

Father - Aspects attributed to God, the protector and provider. Wiser, more mature masculine aspect.

female friend - feminine aspect (feeling, motivational energy for thoughts, etc.) not fully integrated yet.

window - Ability to see beyond a given situation; expanded vision, perception. Window to the other side, interdimensional awareness.

paper - means for self-expression, writing.

missing/lost - Unclear on meaning, purpose and direction in some aspect of life;indecisive. Lack of clarity due to low energy (what's draining it?) Needing to be found, discovered, recovered.

Chair - Attitude, position in life, part of self-identity. Often comforting/comfortable.

red - anger
black - unknown
yellow - fear

These are the colors the writing was typed in, on the missing (self-expression) paper.

When no issues exist in the emotional body, however, these colors can represent:

red - life force (non-biased)
black - The Void, bosom of the feminine, source of Creation
yellow - peace

The paper was finally discovered where no one else had looked. A place underneath a certain attitude, that which has been comfortable, and how I/we understand our/my self-identity.

And what followed was highly significant (LIZA, to your recent comment on AgeA's thread!). The scene at the beach:

beach - bridge between conscious and unconscious. One's "within", unconscious resources.

The point in this scene, which is what follows the finding of "the paper" (self expression of anger and fear around the unknown), is that "the beach" has been stained by the nasties of human limitation. We perceive our unconscious (the bridge between conscious and unconscious) resources through our limitations, fearing the unknown and attributing "nasty" and dirty motivations to it.

That's just a bit of the symbolic value in it all, but it just seems so very specific to everything we've been talking about in AgeA's thread, that I had to share.

Incidentally, my feeling is that SeaofFeeling was my friend in the first scene (and may represent a great number of others). Which... means that what Sea has recently displayed, that I'm aware of, represents something in myself not yet fully integrated (just to bring it all back to self, of course ).

Also, it is my understanding that the subconscious is our inner child/emotional body, and the unconscious is what we think of as "spirit/god/higher" unknown self. Just by the by. So the beach part is about the unconscious, as perceived by the conscious self, which is influenced by the subconscious (that's the bridge between the 3 minds - the Rainbow Bridge, also know as the "Antahkarana", I'm pretty sure).

Well, I sure can say spirit has "lost it's magic" for me lately, and I don't really have much desire to "go there anymore". Sure, I can see that it's a result of my path work, and will likely clear at some point. But for the moment, much like Lun said, I'm a bit pissed about it all. Don't see a whole helluva lot to be excited about in life, neither here at the physical level, nor "there" at the spirit level. At least I understand that the anger is essentially at myself, but the way through is, as usual, rather difficult.

Quite a dream, all in all. And I appreciate the message, actually, though I'm still a bit perplexed what to do with it, so far.

With love,
Sowelu

[Monikah]

Wow, this was full, no?

Must look beyond my comfort zone to grow.

Conscious is the part we know and remember.

Unconscious is that part we're "separated" from, i.e., our spiritual self, our unknown self.

Subconscious is also a part we're separated from, our self that we keep in denial, known but not acknowledged.

Instead of allowing our inner child and emotional self (subconscious per Sowelu) to have equal input in our whole being, we've stuffed/denied/blocked/veiled our feelings. We must cross the bridge of denied info to reach the full consciousness merge (conscious, unconscious, and subconscious merging as One).

"Spirit" is just one part of our whole expression, and must not be looked on as "better than" or "more important than" the rest of our self if it is used to deny the rest of our self. That's not the point. Since it's been the highlight of most ascension paths, maybe it's time to not focus on it, but rather focus on our wholeness. We've been guided lately that it's time to just be ourselves. Life is spiritual if higher motives direct us.

Fear is involved when doing this bridge crossing, as we step outside our known and remembered comfort zone (conscious) to traverse the unremembered (subconscious) to the unknown (unconscious). The main fear is facing our self, and facing ourselves recently has been highlighted as the next major step in group ascension paradigm. This fear is mirrored by those who assist us to bring out what we have buried in our subconscious, and is applauded by same when we reach the unconscious light of who we are.

Our human limitation is unable to see through to our beloveds' higher motives, and the ascension path is littered with the same b.s. as the rest of the world, so fear rises when it seems the goal is nothing more than what we already have.

My crossing the subconscious (buried dark shtuff, Lilith and extensions) to my unconscious (to find the fullness of Who I Am) is what's caused my suicidal tendencies (besides not being on the same physical plane of existence as my Met). My human self has not been the type of person my subconscious self has replayed for me, and to have my Family batter me with it has been nearly intolerable. I "know" what they are up to but cannot hold it in my feeling realm. A greater understanding of their motives grounded through 3d is called for.

More meanderings.

Thanks, Sowelu.

Love,
Mon

[Monikah]

Did you ever see the movie Vanilla Sky? A plotline summary is:

"David Aames takes all he has for granted; his wealth, his inherited publishing company, his good looks - his relationships. Especially his relationships. It catches up to him when a friend/sometimes sex-partner can't see their relationship the way he sees it. From that point, the movie takes a Lynchian twist that ultimately and literally pulls us into Aames' tortured psyche."

and

"David is charming, rich (his mother's Monet, "Vanilla Sky" is in his bedroom), and feckless: he inherited the magazines and his minority partners want him out. Jump ahead: he's in jail, wearing a prosthetic mask, talking to a sympathetic psychologist to get at the truth behind a death. Who has died? How? And who's Ellie? Popping up often on TV is Benny, a dog who survived for months frozen in ice."

All sorts of twists and turns come into Aames' life. Lovers' changing faces, support people suddenly turning on him, weird visions ... pscyhological torture.

Skid to the end ... Aames finally can't take it anymore and, pressed by someone on a rooftop to face his choices, he jumps to his death. But he doesn't fall to the street below, he falls into a room full of his friends who had set up this elaborate situation to get this guy to face the intangibles of his feckless self. Out of love, wanting their friend to better himself ...

That's what's my beloveds have done to me. Shees! Maybe you too.

Movie taglines:

LoveHateDreamsLifeWorkPlayFriendshipSex


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Looks Can Be Deceiving!

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Open Your Eyes

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Forget everything you know, and open your eyes.

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Abre los ojos...

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Forget everything you know about life, and just open your eyes...

[seaoffeeling]

Sowelu wrote: Well, I sure can say spirit has "lost it's magic" for me lately, and I don't really have much desire to "go there anymore".

This I can certainly relate to. In fact, my overall impression from reading the dream and interpretation was one of veiling, but perhaps a deliberate veiling, out of anger and self-protection. In terms of how it relates to myself, I feel considerable anger, towards myself and towards Spirit, and therefore I am blocking it all out. It was Spirit that got me into this mess, that supposedly made decisions before I came into 3d consciousness, who chose my life circumstances. So why should I trust it now? I can't seem to get past why awakened individuals (lightworkers if you want to call them that), would choose a 3d life of pain, when one could choose a life of joy and security. Is pain the only path to enlightenment?

Mon wrote: Fear is involved when doing this bridge crossing, as we step outside our known and remembered comfort zone (conscious) to traverse the unremembered (subconscious) to the unknown (unconscious). The main fear is facing our self, and facing ourselves recently has been highlighted as the next major step in group ascension paradigm.

What do you do when you encounter self and you reject what's there? Yes we are supposed to forgive ourselves, accept and embrace ourselves in all the fullness of our being. But I guess I am resistive to that on some level. It may sound weird, but it's also a way of getting back at the people who created all the problems in the first place. You (Spirit) placed me here, so this is what you get for doing this to me. Going back to suicidality, often suicide is a way of hurting people who have hurt you.

Just some thoughts,

-SeaofFeeling

[Sowelu]

Thank you, Mon. (((Hugs!))) Yes, I saw the movie a number of times, and there's a theme in it that I've been dealing with for the last 3 cycles of intense pain. That theme is that somehow we are supposed to buy into the idea that WE are the cause of our experiences in life, and if we would just wake up to our own devices, we'd become free. Everything in me lately is saying "BULLSHIT!" It's a crock!!!

((((((SeaofFeeling!))))))) Man, I keep wanting to share my journal writings with you for the past few days! You succinctly express here what I've been spewing for days on end in there! LOL!

After years and years and years and years of working with the emotional and mental bodies here, with and without my heart connection (depending on god-knows-what) I've come to see that the Void... the Unknown... that vast sea of potential... is an endless albatross to humanity.

The reason is simple. Human beings cannot fulfill themselves or heal themselves completely of all fear without spirit. But spirit is an unknown here, veiled, and therefore inevitably "more powerful" and feared. Every attempt by every human being to ever access "new" life force here, via spirit, heart, meditation, etc. has generated yet another something false to face, endure, feel, etc.

All life force that enters this realm must become twisted by the veiled consciousness here, and therefore pain and suffering here is endless.

There is no way out for the veiled consciousness, nor can the veiled consciousness's will be greater than that which created it, so we're fucked any way we look at it. Unless spirit DOES something! For god fucking sake, if you SEE all, KNOW all, UNDERSTAND the situation here... and STILL do nothing to clear it up for the millions and maybe even billions who have been struggling to heal, clear, grow here... THEN YOU SUCK! PLAIN AND SIMPLE, YOU ARE A SORRY-ASS BASTARD!!

Of COURSE we don't like the idea that we're beholden to that which we do not understand, we WANT to believe we are sovereign. But the bottom line truth is that we cannot find the way to release ourselves as long as we're here because of the design here, and you (higher self, spirit, etc.) are hellbent on not interfering, so we're fucked, fucked, fucked. Over and over, the human being bears the brunt of Spirit's choices, IS powerless no matter how much will they muster, and the situation maintains separation, distrust, rage and the other half of creation hellbent on destruction!

Every single belief, fantasy, attitude and activity that people come up with to soothe their aching existence is VALID, REASONABLE and WORTHY OF PRAISE!!! IT is NOT reasonable to ask a human being to be GRATEFUL for the life they're stuck with here. In fact, it's INSANE!

So my conclusion is that all the wisdom teachings of the past are based on mankind's insanity, not truth. THINKING that spirit was "better than" being here, we created a heaven to die to, filled with angels who love us and will help us get there while we're here. But now we're all back here because... IT WASN'T REAL! Anymore than HERE is, but until we see that, WE'RE STUCK WITH BOTH.

*heehee*

Now... when I'm heated it gets a lot worse than that, but that's the gist of the merry-not-go-round I've been on.

With love,
Sowelu

(and if you're paying attention, there's a paradox in this post that I don't even have the words to express yet, but... one step at a time. )

[Lunaria]

I was taught that all we suffer here is because we are balancing karma.
I also was taught that we chose our earth life for soul growth.
And some of our lives are pretty bad.

I have a situation that I cannot heal myself. There is no way. I have tried for over 20 years. I have asked spirit for help. But no, spirit cannot interfere.

All the programs we are given to practice for abunbance and health and everything else that would make us powerful just plain do not work.

I am becoming very disenchanted here and soon will give up trying.

It's all a pile of doo doo.

had to correct wrong key.

[Monikah]

I've been in a "human self knows best" mode lately too. It's a good thing. It's grounding my full self, saying that I am the experiencer thus I must make the choice.

Sea wrote: <<It was Spirit that got me into this mess, that supposedly made decisions before I came into 3d consciousness, who chose my life circumstances. So why should I trust it now?>>

When you're upstairs, you make decisions. Then you arrive here in forgetfulness and you don't feel so whole anymore, like your spiritual self is something separate from you the human, but it's not. It's still you. I made the choice, then I sent a spark of me to connect with my seed here, and my 3d self's purpose is to open to all dimensions from 3d, so my full self is walking in 3d.

<<I can't seem to get past why awakened individuals (lightworkers if you want to call them that), would choose a 3d life of pain, when one could choose a life of joy and security. >>

I'm told the only way to know your Self is through pain, at least at the level we're working in. If our goal is MD and the way to it is to release 3d, then a life of joy and security in 3d would not get you there. It would keep you attached to 3d, while a life of pain would make you want to let 3d go. And I definitely want to let go of 3d.

<<What do you do when you encounter self and you reject what's there? >>

I don't know if this applies, but in one respect encountering self you reject is actually the process of facing a part you don't like and letting it go. It's a good thing too.

Sowelu wrote: <<Everything in me lately is saying "BULLSHIT!" It's a crock!!! >>

Oh yes! I think that part of the illusion is that we created this so somehow we're responsible. Did we create it, or are we just here to assist with ascension? There are so many variables it's difficult to blanket ascenders with one pattern. And this goes back to my question under AgeA's thread about how responsible am I for stuff I didn't create? Recent info has told us more and more to take care of ourselves, that we're no longer responsible for other people's ascensions, that people's choices have been made. The "days of darkness" in August to me are a prime example of this. Even upstairs is not holding to anything that's not ascending.

It's our human consciousness that's veiled to spirit. If spirit is unknown (i.e., unconscious), it is more powerful only if we let it be via the fear of the unknown/unconscious. Basically, we fear ourselves.

I don't think spirit is hellbent on not interfering, though upstairs entities have this protocol (generally).

Time and time again I have held true to my human self, no matter what upstairs was telling me or maybe if I heard my "higher/older self" speaking. Upstairs loves it when we argue with them because it means we see discrepancies from 3d that they don't. We teach them as we rise out of this.

Yeah, lol, the old-paradigm adage that one is truly enlightened if one can go through the pain and appreciate it while experiencing it is, to me, the hogwash of those who would enslave and control ... "I must be bad in god's eyes because I don't appreciate pain." Geez, what warped mind came up with that?

NONE of the wisdom teachings are complete, and many aren't even accurate.

Sowelu, is the paradox that you are spirit walking, thus blaming/fearing/not trusting spirit means you blame/fear/don't trust yourself?

We've been building this multi-dimensionally so it hasn't been "real" upstairs either, but the dream we've been working on. I truly feel we won't be fixing 3d but taking what we learn to 5d+, that 3d has to be refurbished without a very big population after it collapses. Don't quote me on that, it might just be a huge hope, but as I mentioned elsewhere I want to believe in the quantum leap.

Love,
Moonikah

[Sowelu]

Heh heh... it's tough to put in words, Mon, but the sense of paradox is all over my perceptions lately. Yes, you've said it well enough.

I resent and refuse spiritual ideas a lot lately, and yet I'm USING them in facing this stuff and expressing. I walk a path that I used to be cautious on, so as not to harm another, but I ended up harming myself instead. And I AM "other" as long as I'm in separation, so there's no way to resolve the paradox.

I'm angry at myself, but at the portions I can't access, and I can't access those portions because I'm angry at myself.

I'm angry at "other", when I perceive spirit as such, and cater to my human self. Yet when I'm identifying with and catering to my human self, I live in the illusion of billions of "others" who live around me, and I'm not angry at them at all. In fact, I understand and feel compassion and love for them, deeper than ever before.

For instance, in the last few days I've come to truly appreciate the desire to destroy, and the "dark entities" who work to have power over, as well as the desire to HAVE SOME FUCKING CONTROL in one's life! LOL!

And it was my understanding for a while now that I am here to unconditionally love all, and this process of rejecting it all as insane is actually enabling me to have compassion and unconditional love for those who do things that cause harm (including my own harmful behaviors). So I'm accomplishing a "spiritual ideal" I resent, reject, am angry about, et. al, BY rejecting spiritual ideals.

It's all very interesting to me.

Don't know if that said it well, hope you got what I meant.

Love you!
Sowleu

[seaoffeeling]

Sowelu wrote: <<Every attempt by every human being to ever access "new" life force here, via spirit, heart, meditation, etc. has generated yet another something false to face, endure, feel, etc.>>

That’s it, that’s it, that’s it! I knew I was distrustful and disconnected from Spirit for a reason. And what Lun said, about the programs being given to us to practice for our abundance and health, I’ve felt this as well. What maybe used to work in the past doesn’t work anymore. And I’ve given up. I don’t practice Reiki anymore, I don’t meditate anymore. I’m not saying this is right or that this isn’t misguided. And I'm definitely not saying this is a permant thing, which it likely isn't. Right now, it’s just a reflex action, I can’t muster the energy to do these things.

The synchronicity in here is quite amazing. Part of me wonders if this disillusionment, individual as well as collective, is part of the process.

Sowelu wrote: <<There is no way out for the veiled consciousness, nor can the veiled consciousness's will be greater than that which created it, so we're fucked any way we look at it. Unless spirit DOES something!>>

Lately, I’ve been feeling pretty defensive and entitled, in terms of my expectations for Spirit. I feel that a very big and dazzling gesture is needed for me to get on board again. I literally need something to drop from the heavens and miracles to happen right in front of my eyes before I can get back to a state of mind that is more receptive. Much of this, in fact much of what I’ve posted here lately is my inner child speaking. But that is what I’m feeling now.

Sowelu wrote: <<And it matters not to a human being in suffering that they are actually more than their experience in the moment…. It matters not one whit when you're in pain and having difficulty getting through the next minute.>>

State of mind is everything. I myself am guilty of spewing crap, but it was all coming from my emotional experience at the time, as all of this is. Right now, there’s no way, beyond a surface, theoretical level, that I’m going to be able to accept and love myself and be grateful for all the shit that’s happened to me when I’m in a constant state of turmoil and hunger (emotionally speaking, but this can apply to physical as well). The desert analogy is so apt.

Monikah wrote: <<I don't know if this applies, but in one respect encountering self you reject is actually the process of facing a part you don't like and letting it go. It's a good thing too.>>

This is helpful to know. I’ve been able to identify many things I don’t like about myself, and now I have to learn how to let those things go (as I’m having difficulty accepting/forgiving them at the moment). Sometimes it feels like there are a lot more things to let go of than to keep. And the self-destructive part of me hangs onto anything that’s bad or counter-productive.

I really appreciate all the sharing here. I especially liked your expression of anger, Sowelu, but I can’t really say why! I wasn’t able to get the paradox, but if Mon is correct in identifying it, then you are definitely not alone!

And on we keep going… continuing to following that damn carrot (reference to Mon’s post in AgeA’s thread).

(((Hugs)))

-SeaofFeeling

[seaoffeeling]

This is in response to Sowelu's most recent post, which I only read after I posted my previous reply. I think I can relate to some or a lot of this. I feel like a hypocrite sometimes, because I'm capable of having a great deal of compassion and love for others, yet incapable of the same towards myself. I cannot figure out why I am so resistive to this, other than I hold myself to ridiculously high standards and am self-defeatist to my core. But knowing this doesn't really help me, in terms of giving me answers on how to change this.

Sowelu wrote: <<Yet when I'm identifying with and catering to my human self, I live in the illusion of billions of "others" who live around me, and I'm not angry at them at all. In fact, I understand and feel compassion and love for them, deeper than ever before.>>

This reminds me of times when I've wondered whether it is better to live in ignorant bliss. What is truly better about my life now that I'm awakened? Am I no better off than if I had simply catered to my physical and emotional needs?

More stuff to think about,

-SeaofFeeling

[Lunaria]

I force myself to do Reiki because I don't want it to weaken.

But it is so hard to meditate lately.

I wonder if these things are of the old too.
Is that why they are so hard to do?

[Sowelu]

(((((Sea!))))))

As I read your comment about enjoying my vent here, I laughed. I have been very aware that I am far more vocally "harmful and offensive" in the last 24 hours than I have ever been, even when I've been at my worst before. I'm daring to go where I've held back before.

I have felt some pretty intense and painful energies these last few days, and just the little bit you saw in my previous post is "the voice of that energy". Without holding anything back, being as real as I possibly can about the feelings, and using the forceful language of rage that we know so well here. (We've had a lot of rage practice as humans)

While I was journaling I kept thinking of sending you excerpts, and maybe this is why. I wonder if this is something you might "need" to do? I honestly don't know, but your enjoyment of the full-out expression, the sense I had that you were the one in my dream who was upset about the lost "paper" (self-expression), and my sense of you and what you're going through lately as I've been writing all of this stuff... just seems like there's something important there.

For me, letting all of this out completely in this way is giving myself the love and compassion I've only given to others before. Acknowledging the feelings and finally saying what the human/ic/ego has felt while under a veil here for soooo long (and how I've felt at one level inside me this entire life, though afraid to "ruin" things by allowing it to express because I'm a spirit-in-human-form, not just a human - BAH! As though it is entirely up to me to hold the light here, and my human aspect is unimportant!) is freeing in a way none of the spiritual practices of old has ever been.

I keep remembering a phrase from the Cassiopaean's, though I'll have to paraphrase:

"You cannot love what you do not know. Love is Knowledge, which is Light. "

And to know something, we must experience it. Not just think about it but feel it, feel how it moves us. That's intimate. So loving, in my opinion, is an intimate thing. To love something, you must be intimate with it. Holding back in expressions is like withholding love, is the feeling I have.

Which blows the doors off the entire spiritual path concepts to date, in my opinion. Because it means that you can't get away with "loving the dark in abstract or once removed", like so many suggest. It isn't about detachment. It isn't about a concept, it's about intimacy. It can't be an intellectual exercise. It has to be intimate. And intimacy with raw, violent, dark energies doesn't have to destroy, I'm finding. It can liberate. Simply by not withholding, by allowing the intimacy to run its course.

I can't tell you how many times in the last few days I've understood completely the impetus to spend one's life addicted to drugs, numbed by alcohol, coming in mentally retarded, killing life to feel power over the god that gave you life but won't love you like you need to be loved, including taking your own life in a sort of revenge to get back at the source, feeding off others since god and its abundance is nowhere to be found, being violent just because it feels good to destroy things, etc.

These feelings I've been feeling and expressing lately are at the root of all those behaviors, and it makes perfect sense to me now that so many have chosen that route over the eons here. Because if others have tried it, truly, then you know that even when you surrender... you're not "cured" for good, here. There is no real, permanent cure for what ails the limited human being unless some miracle occurs, or unless that human chooses to believe in false things, perhaps.

So all those who might have thought that surrender was the path (over the eons), upon discovering there was still more to suffer through after surrendering, or upon realizing that no matter how hard they try they must not truly be surrendering because it isn't working, just might have decided to try something entirely different. Become god with what they have, in order to secure and maintain their life their way. After all, they've been abandoned to figure things out on their own anyway.

And all of these behaviors and ideas, imo, are perfectly sane in a world that works the way this one does. When the world is insane, what constitutes sanity, you know? In the Pathworks writings (early 20th century channeling material, Eva Pierrakos, Donovan Thesenga, in the book "Fear No Evil" freshlinks.net/shop/detpage.asp?asin=0961477725), it's said somewhere in there that those who show violence, rudeness, and many other "aberrant" behaviors outwardly are actually healthier and closer to truth than those who are calm and well self-controlled. It's been many years since I read it, but it stood out at the time (1995?).

Our own Jenn has said to me that she feels more of a connection and understanding with the inmates in the jails she's worked at, than most of the human population at large. Because the people in there are real. They don't wear masks. They say it like it is, and most of them are really smart.

Anyway, I've gone all over the place here, but it all flowed from your post.

Love you! (((Hugs)))
Sowelu

[Monikah]

Quick reply for now ...

I don't meditate anymore, not typical med anyway. I was never very good at it (busy brain), but did various restructuring steps as needed. Now I breathe, lay in bed and focus, talk to the most high, and experience MD realities in life. Isn't that what meditating's about (simply) -- realizing MD reality? Once you get there, is there really a need to meditate per se? Yes, solo time in reflective contemplation is important, talking with "higher" sources, focusing on inner growth, raising voice and view to higher realms ... but typical meditation leaves me feeling stuffed into my body and frustrated.

Recently, I was sent this message from Joelle through June from June 2003:

<<Currently the Earth is entering into the Higher Vibrational Frequencies and with this transition, New Shamballa Healing Symbols have been sent for the fore coming of the 5th Dimension of Nov 8th, 2003. The old Shamballa and Reiki Symbols that have been at this time on the earth plane for several decades and the current Shamballa Symbols since 1998 have been loosing their ability to heal because the symbols are attuned to the Lower Vibrational Energies of 3 D(?). As a result they are working to a lesser capacity while the healing is taking place in the higher vibrational frequencies that we are presently experiencing on earth. As the earth raises its vibration, Reiki, Shamballa, Modern Medicine and Eastern and Western Holistic Medicine are no longer having the healing impact or potential it once did(?). Healing then becomes an exhausting process for everyone involved. The healer will find that they have to do a healing several times to get expected results and the client/patient has a longer recovery time to heal due to the High Vibrational Energies fighting with the old Low Vibrational Modalities of Healing. By 2005 Modern Medicine, Reiki, East and West Holistic modalities will show massive diminishing results of being able to heal at all.(?)>>

I find this to be true. (Not sure with the (?) are about about.)

I'll be back.

Love,
Mon

[seaoffeeling]

It's funny, I didn't think your expressions were harmful or offensive, Sowelu. In fact, part of my reaction upon receiving your real and raw self-expression was that I wanted to see more. I was thinking "Yes! Some more! Let it all out! You go girl!" I think anger is probably one of the most, if not the most difficult emotion for women to express. This is true for me, definitely. Anger = helpless = tears = failure = self-rejection. I would love to read your writings, if you don't mind sharing. I respond to emotions, particularly emotional synchronicity. Another thing you brought up regarding the dream, my looking for the paper, reminded me of something important. For 27 out of 28 years of my present lifetime, I couldn't find my self-expression. I was a closed shell and kept most of me all to myself. In 2003, I had a life-changing experience, which eventually led to my awakening. I discovered my self, saw that it was not rejected and was in fact appreciated by others, and learned how to value and appreciate at least a certain aspect of myself as it relates to my 'self' and purpose here. I experienced for the first time ever, connection and oneness with everything and everyone - pure happiness. During that year, I also discovered how to express myself in poetry. Ironically, my very first poem was inspired out of intense anger and rage against a narcissist who victimized me. Poems inspired out of other emotions soon followed. And *shock* *gasp* I actually shared them with people! Then, things deteriorated, I lost connection and trust in Spirit, I felt let down. A lot of painful emotions got stuffed in, so that it accumulated in an undifferentiated mass of dull ache. In many ways, I'm like my pre-awakened state. Reading about your dream and the paper reminded me that I haven't been able to write any poetry in a long time, the flow is not there. I attempted journalling following my awakening, but this too stopped along with everything else. I've often thought of journalling again, more frequently than usual lately. I don't know what stops me from it, since I know it should help me. It's the only way I can feasibly get these emotions out.

I really appreciate your sharing, Sowelu. I know how hard that is. But, if anything, we are doing something different. And if one can see every honest expression of self as one of self-love... well, that reminds me of what I learned in that important year of 2003.

Love you!

-SeaofFeeling

[seaoffeeling]

Lun and Mon,

It's interesting about the Reiki and the possibility that older energies don't work anymore. I was attuned to Reiki I and II in April of this year. The energy flowed strongly with me and then became weaker, as I didn't have anyone to practice on. Then, I found a Reiki share, and the flow became stronger than it was before. But then, in July to August, I started to feel drained and tired by Reiki. My understanding is that this was not supposed to happen. Eventually, I and the others in the Reiki share met less often, and then not at all. Two of them have since moved out of the area, which was part of the reason it got discontinued. But I had a sense that it was rather draining for the others as well. Since then, I haven't done Reiki on myself or anyone else. I've read here and there about the new Shamballa symbols, but I don't feel motivated to be attuned by them, for the same reason I feel disconnected and distrustful of spirit. My ic reasoning is, if Reiki hasn't helped, why should this new energy work? Anything I would do spiritually, at this time would feel forced, and I feel no emotional connection to it at this time. It's very difficult for me to force myself to do anything these days. It's bad enough having to force myself not to eat chocolate anymore

-SeaofFeeling