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Post by seaoffeeling on Nov 23, 2004 13:08:04 GMT -5
I had a dream last night which left me waking up with my heart pounding! In this dream, I am working in a hospital. I'm in psychology, and my position is equivalent to that of a resident. But this day, in the dream, there has been some sort of disaster, either in the community or in the hospital (maybe a strike). The hospital wards and waiting rooms are overcrowing with patients, and I've been recruited to help with the crisis. My job is to go among the patients, interview them, assess their condition, and determine if they require immediate medical attention. If their condition is serious enough to require immediate attention, then I call nearby doctors or nurses to the patient. So I proceed through the various wards assessing the patients accordingly; the majority of them are poor, and ethnically diverse. As I work my way through the wards, the number of crisis patients decrease, as doctors and nurses attend to them. Finally I reach a ward that is more spacious and less noisy than the rest. I come to a patient who is lying in a hospital bed and looks very ill. I attempt to interview her to determine if she needs a doctor right away. I end up spending a lot more time talking to this patient than I did with the others, possibly because I feel particularly bad for her and want to provide a comforting presence. Also, she has trouble speaking, and it takes me a while to determine that her illness is not life-threatening and does not require immediate medical attention. She reports having two illnesses, one of which is Cushing's disease. In my waking life, I am currently being tested for Cushing's, in order to rule it out as a cause of some other health problems I've been having. As I'm talking to the patient, I lean over her bed, which is one of those electronic adjustable beds you find in hospitals. At the same instant, the bed begins to rise upward, and I am unable to stop it. It rises quickly all the way up to the ceiling, which is very high. The patient then falls off the bed and drops about fifty feet to the hard floor. I immediately yell for a doctor and nurse, but at that same moment, another crisis occurs out in the hallway, and everyone is running around attending to other patients. I am panicking, and also feeling responsible because I'm afraid that I did something (maybe trip a switch) to make the patient's bed rise. No one seems to hear or pay attention to my shouts for help. In the melee, I see a figure dragging itself across the hallway. It's the patient, and somehow she has survived what should have been a fatal drop and has made her way out of the hospital room to the hall way. Although she is somewhat bloody, she seems to be in no worse condition than she was previously. I rush to her and try take care of her. She does not appear troubled by her fall, and there is an inner strength and serenity that radiates from her. I tell her that this was miraculous, and that this shows she was not meant to die today. I hold her hand and promise her to find some help. She smiles at me, closes her eyes, and rests on the floor in the hallway while I attempt to find a doctor. By this time, the wards and hallways are completely deserted, as all the crisis patients have been taken care of. I roam around the hospital and finally come to what looks like a staff room. There, I find the doctors and nurses, but they have all taken their white coats off and are milling around doing other things. I can't seem to get anyone's attention. I come across a large group of nurses who are sitting around in a half-circle and having a meeting. They all appear quite young, and are wearing what looks like high school-style uniforms. At first, I'm shy about interrupting the meeting, but remembering the patient's situation, I walk across the half-circle and approach one of the 'head' nurses. She has no reaction at all when I tell her about the patient. Similarly, no one else seems to care or feel the same sense of urgency about the situation as I do. At about this point, the dream ends.
I don't know how to interpret many of the specific details and images of the dream, but have some thoughts of the main theme underlying it. Considering that all elements of the dream represent aspects of myself, and the hospital setting, then this dream may reflect some inner chaos and concern I have over my own health problems. I was recently diagnosed with diabetes, among other things, and so far it doesn't seem to have responded to conventional treatment (diet, exercise, medication). And similar to the dream, other people don't seem to be concerned with this as much as I am. However, I'm not sure whether the dream indicates that I'm over-concerned (me worrying about the fallen patient) or whether I'm not concerned enough or not doing enough (the others' non-reaction to the patient). Then there's the patient herself, calm and serene in the midst of crisis and chaos - a real survivor. While I haven't been all panicky and falling apart in my waking life, I haven't felt like a pillar of strength either, so it's interesting that this appears in my dream, and I have a strong connection to it. Any thoughts/interps on this dream would be greatly appreciated!
Thanks!
-SeaofFeeling
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Post by Sowelu on Nov 23, 2004 18:28:30 GMT -5
(((Hiya SeaofFeeling!)))
My sense is that this entire dream is about you and your growth/healing path to date.
Throughout your growth you've encountered situations in self that were "ill" or distorted, needing balance or adjustment to better reflect the truth of self, and you've taken care of these things efficiently and effectively - even though sometimes your situation had hit "crisis proportions". When you've needed help you've asked for it and received it, and you've been very accurate in your assessments along the way. Your success has bolstered your faith and confidence in self.
Your daily life in practice has been a reflection of this "self work", so that you've encountered others who have/had similar "dis-ease", and you have helped them heal by using the wisdom you gained from healing yourself in those ways.
But recently you've encountered a situation in yourself for which you feel inadequate to the task of healing, while at the same time hitting a wall in receiving the help you need, as well. Something is different about this particular situation, and you have yet to truly assess it or address it properly.
While initially looking into this disease in self, you found a faith with which to face it, which had you feeling a raise in your frequency, or a sense of awareness growth that felt enlightening and perhaps promised a template to assist others in raising their own awareness and healing such things. But... something in your exploration caused you to lose this faith at some point, and you fell hard.
At precisely that moment of losing faith, you felt a sense of crisis also occuring outside of you, and between these two events, you became distracted from the essence of what is happening in you, and got lost in the symptoms and physical details. The "baser" aspects of your current dis-ease.
My sense is that fear in the form of self-doubt came in at that point depicted by the patient falling from the high bed. Once fallen, you've been living at a "low" level and looking in "immature places" for help or healing, not trusting that proven healing Self you are to truly heal this issue, this particularly scary and difficult issue. You don't feel up to the task, and yet you're facing a real dismay as you realize that no one else seems to have the answer for you either.
The patient that fell in your dream "went unconscious" after crawling some distance. You say she "rested" while you went about looking for help. My sense is that this depicts your essential cause for illness in self going dormant again, waiting for you to get back to it, so you can do what you do so well. Meanwhile, you're looking in all those "low and immature places". Don't forget she smiled, knowing you will come through eventually.
My sense is that the serenity and inner strength you sense from her is evidence of a knowing you carry, deep within. One that will eventually bring you through this difficult trial you're experiencing in your life, restoring your faith and confidence. You've only temporarily lost your way.
Remember she cannot speak well, and has the very same disease you're being tested for currently. My sense about this is that she represents the current "disease" in you, and you have not quite "heard her" clearly yet. You cannot heal what you do not yet understand, and so you're in a lag in healing, and a little panick is setting in.
Go back to what you know, what you have counted on all these years. You are in the right profession for this particular dis-ease's cure. And you are still the "resident" doctor on call, even if you can't see it yet.
That's the heart thudding.
That's what I see here, Sea, I sure hope it helps you some! (((((Hugs!))))) Many blessings to you in discovering the life meaning in your dream message!
Love you!
Sowelu
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Post by seaoffeeling on Nov 23, 2004 20:44:31 GMT -5
Wow, Sowelu. I wanted to cry when I read your interpretation. You always amaze me by your ability to draw so much from my dreams. Truth stares at me in the face as I read your interp. I've been told by a number of highly spiritually aware people that I am in the "right profession", and that this is related to my "self", my purpose here. I can see that my sickness comes from denial of self or present inability to live as my "self" is meant to. I know what I want to do, what I have to do, in my life. But there is a huge wall of fear and self-doubt that I've hit in the last stages of getting there, and this time I don't know what to do about it, and no one but me can help me. I now see this was not really so much about the symptoms and physical aspects as much as the emotional and spiritual aspects. It's true I've been living at a low level, and I think this is because I feel burned by past promises of improvement in my life circumstances and distrustful of Spirit as a result. So I've limited my connection, out of self-protection I suppose. Lots more to ponder here, but it all comes down to being so close to the end-goal and being paralyzed right at the line. If only I could get past this stinking fear!
Love you right back, and thank-you for everything, from the bottom of my heart! 
-SeaofFeeling
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Post by Sowelu on Nov 23, 2004 21:09:22 GMT -5
((((Hugs!)))) I'm so glad you found the interp helpful! And just so you know... I can totally relate right now. Perhaps we're all facing our last, looming wall???
I love you,
Sowelu
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Post by Sowelu on Nov 23, 2004 22:02:49 GMT -5
It's true I've been living at a low level, and I think this is because I feel burned by past promises of improvement in my life circumstances and distrustful of Spirit as a result. So I've limited my connection, out of self-protection I suppose. Lots more to ponder here, but it all comes down to being so close to the end-goal and being paralyzed right at the line. If only I could get past this stinking fear!
Love you!
Sowelu |
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Post by seaoffeeling on Nov 25, 2004 15:54:15 GMT -5
Hi Sowelu,
I always find your feedback helpful, and always at crucial points. Your interpretations help me make important leaps in my understanding of myself, so that I can get to the next step. Your description of a "last, looming wall" rings true for me. It does seem that what ever hurdles we are dealing with now, this is the biggest, most challenging one. Hence, the corresponding fear, difficulty mustering strength and trust, finding that last boost of energy to get over it. I guess the advantage to not being alone in this struggle is that we can help each other. Certainly, you've helped me many times. Just having a deeper perspective on my dark, as well as my light, has helped to lessen the fear a bit. There's a lot to be said for the power of understanding and self-awareness. What a gift you have to be able to give that to someone, and to speak from such a place of love and knowing! Did I ever tell you how much I appreciate and respect you?
Much love to you on your journey as well. You deserve to receive as much as you give!
-SeaofFeeling
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Post by seaoffeeling on Nov 25, 2004 16:10:21 GMT -5
I just read your interpretation again, and it just struck my conscious mind that whenever I read and re-read your interpretations, I gain something more, something a little different each time. This time, I was most struck by the last part, about me being the resident doctor and having to go back to what I know, having to trust myself. There is an issue of trust here, and naturally that goes along with self-doubt. It's funny, because I thought I had the trust thing conquered, but I now see I don't. Don't trust spirit, don't trust self, doubt spirit, doubt self. Fear spirit will fail me, fear I will fail. I feel I am on the verge of an understanding, but there is still static in the line... 
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